I hope I won’t lose you.
Seeing the flashbacks of my mind the past 2 years just sucks.
It brought me more pain than joy.
However, there was also some moments where I was really made happy.
I don’t want the pain to go on.
Just when I thought things got a little better between us, you are going off.
I realised I have not been doing enough the past 1 week =(
And I am leaving on Monday.
I think what I am doing is of no impact at all.
Not significance. No difference.
I just hope what we are doing now will bring me strong memories I can keep.
The pictures took, the things bought, the gifts – will all now be the only treasure I have after your departure.
But how much are there?
Pictures? I suppose just a few. Nothing great =(
Things? I got no idea
Gifts? The belt is the one and only!
My life is in a deep dilemma.
I can never find someone who understands me as much.
I know I have failed miserably.
I did thought I was okay, But every time I think about it, I ain’t okay.
I did thought I can sail through this, but I am worried of how things will be.
I know you and your treatment for me too well.
SIGHS!
I am pressing on, despite what.
I am looking at things as positively as I can.
As bright as I can.
And spend these precious few days more…
I don’t care how you behave but I will give in my best.
Thats as much as I can do.
I don’t even feel like working anymore tomorrow and Friday.,
I am looking forward to Australia. Looking forward for time to come faster.
But not looking forward to May 12th. Thats for sure.
But what can I do?
What memories of you do I have to keep?
I wonder…
Thank you very much for the patience throughout the period I did not update my blog.
I did it on purpose to maintain the first post as the bag post (which I’ve officially removed it). The person involved only collected from me like a few days later. Grrr.. Slow right. Scold him for my lack of updates.
I am officially done with Foundations Programme in UCTI. I actually think I was foolish. I think about holidays when i was still having exams. I think about working when I am on holidays. I feel bad. My priorities are getting from bad to worst. Anyhows, I went in with zero-knowledge on my Research Paper. Zero-Knowledge.
Expecting case studies and common sense questions, all that came out was mere junk. All slides oriented. Lazk of application questions. It’s just What is research and all its stupidity. I can’t believe I have went through a 13 week of hell with the module – LEARNING NOTHING! Lecturer was boring, uninteresting and just slow. I can’t adapt to his inefficiency at all.
I did not realised I learned nothing until I sat for the exams. And man, it sucks. It’s like you wasted 13 weeks doing junk, crap and mere shitty tutorials. Come on, those of you who knows, agree with me!
On another brighter side, I got back my job from Starbucks. Something that I wanted to do but was hesitating initially because I wanted to get new exposure and new environment. But no one wants to employ a 3-week staff right. It’s too short. I tried applying. I did. But it’s all sad news.
So, I love Starbucks and I am back there. I won’t mind actually. It’s just I am in dire need of some cash currently. To support myself.
I have been random. Maybe because I am so in the holiday mood. Perhaps, don’t blame me. I am on holiday! For those who are currently stress and you need some entertainment and laughters, yeah: COME SEE ME! I won’t mind.
But well, I think I am the one who spends my time most wisely. To my own opinion lah. I am starting work the moment I finished my exams – this coming Monday. And the last day of work day, is the weekend. And I am flying off already. And when I am back, classes ALREADY started. Note: ALREADY! So, don’t you think it is wisely spent?
And yes, I am typing this while being are living in the dark for Earth Hour. Perhaps, I am too. Not exactly. I left one light on, my air cond and my pc. Usually not this way. Definitely. But I need people to know Earth Hour is a mere publicity stunt and it is so over rated. I just opened my windows, my neighbours were all joining too. Nothing much to comment. I support the true vision about it. But more than that, argh.. It is just misused.
I think I need to resettle my biological clock again. I slept at 3am last night and woke up at 630am. My biological clock is getting from bad to worst. I never sleep this last last time. I used to be a goodie boy. *Okay, I used the wrong terms. My ex-classmates will always say I am naughty-naughty* But, I sleep early aite? Despite how naughty I can be.
At my age, who isn’t and wasn’t naughty? Come on. Accept the fact that we all are. Just whether we want to show it or not. And I think I showed it and my classmates accepted and got brainwashed by my terrible, dirty, horny(Opps, kidding) side. Maybe I am the most notorious one in my class gua. I speak out loud. I talk in a way, fluently. So, what can stop me from brainwashing people’s mind?
Don’t bother annoying me to tell you more unless you come visit me in Starbucks for a cuppa coffee. I am amazing. I am doing reverse psychology. People used to say treat me coffee, but I am asking you to come get a coffee. And someone please make sure I don’t drink too much coffee. It’s not good at all. I puked before, drinking Starbucks last time. I mean I drank too much, I suppose.
I am trying so hard to have confidence in myself. I am getting more perasan too lately, i guess. Working too much with the youth ministry. What to do. But it’s fun.
Please comment on my tagbox and the post. It’s dying soooooon..
Like I have mentioned in my previous posts, I am trying super hard to look at things positively. Perhaps not things, in general but life. We made it complicated thus, we have the responsiblity to look at things positively. It should help simplify things a lil. Perhaps, less arguments, less fights, less pushy.
The artist’s initial
Friday will be the first 2 assignments: Moral Studies and IT Applications. But it was frustrating and perhaps, annoying when you have completed your whole report, templates, accounts, brochure and all; and your lecturer suddenly announces that the maximum pages for the full report is 30pages. Just 2 days before the hand in date. I perfectly finished it this afternoon, and I had 39 pages. Tidied up my work and when I heard that, I got kinda unhappy. How can you let me know this late?
Argh. Nevertheless I did it all over again. Like I said, lecturers are always right, isn’t it? Whats the point of arguing. I have so many more assignments in hand.
I don’t really feel stressed up because I think this is nothing compared to my Secondary School. Everyone is complaining but I think the workload is just okay. Not too bad. It’s just that our dear friend, Mr Procrastinate always influences us to sleep and so on. Our assignment is not that many after all.
It isn’t all a good week. Have been bothered by someone and bombarded with nonsense. Irritated; when you are so busy. And yet this person is complaining and all.
I can’t wait for my Semester Break next week where I am going to Pangkor. I need a break. I need to go far away although I still need to read my Business and so on.
I officially hate attending Introduction to Business classes. It is so freaking boring. Actually, the class was named wrongly. It should be called ‘Dictation Class’.
But all in all, I just hate ignorance. Nothing else. I don’t hate the person but I hate what has happened-IGNORANCE. Yes I may be immature. Yes I may be childish for not accepting changes but I am who I am, I suppose you have to accept me for who I am (if you really love me like you said) and you in return don’t get upset. All I ask for is to put in some initiative, love and effort to this. Nothing more. I am just so annoyed. Over and over again it happened and over and over again you apologise and I accepted it out of love and pain. I should just stay cool and calm . I should just stop contemplating.
Maybe I should be love-blinded so I won’t get so emotional over all these little stuffs?
Being emo over it is annoying too. It is frustrating to get upset towards you because it hurts. It really does. Free me from my thoughts, someone?
Leading worship for this big camp hall, with so many people was so scary at first. It really scare me off. However, it did not really stop me from leading people into WORSHIP. I can sense the burden that people are holding on to when they are in church but everything was let go in this camp. Maybe it is the power of prayer and worship. God indeed was moving. When I went on the stage the first time, nothing was about me, nothing was about my voice or nothing was about the team. Everyone was focused on the Lord even the young ones. Everything went on well I would say- minus all the musicians’ mistakes, my out of tune-ess, and the LCD mistakes. It was really an eye opener for me to see how this new generation are willing to just rise up and letting go everything to just come before the Lord. I may have lost my voice, but it is worth every bit of it.
The message was very practical indeed. Learnt many practical ways. It was so amazing that even only the first night, lives were saves (notice the plural form?). God indeed was working in the camp site. How amazing somehow this camp is. It was all messed up even the day before, but everything worked on well because the LORD was by our side.
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On the other hand, I am sorry to that special one if I have really ignored you. Really. I was busy throughout the camp. I was trying my very best to msg you every single bit of free time that I have. I really did. The line wasn’t that good for me to call either. I don’t know how to show you that I still love and care for you like before but I really did try. I am sorry for all the time that you were going through. I am sorry. I don’t know whatelse I can say. Anyway, if sorry is gonna heal everything, I would say sorry a zillion times. I miss you.
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I am sorry if I ever neglected you in my post.
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What sick is wrong with me huh?
Exams is on. So, i don’t wanna blog so longlah. Lazy lazy mee..
But somehow, good things comes to an end-very quickly indeed.
Things went back to how it used to be. Annoying right?
I have said, I get annoyed easily by the smallest mistake one ever made.
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Now, why cant you or any others get off my back. Let me live my life and do whatever i’m contented of doing. Leave me to my achievements and maybe dont challenge me on that. Go make your own. Is it compulsory that i get scrutinised for whatever the fuck i do? You think you know me well, but you hardly understand me!
And you, dont think for one moment that everything’s okay. When one person says something, you have your basic rights to question, when 2 says the same thing about you, then you’re dysfunctional somewhere inside.
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Life is kinda annoying, ain’t it?
I know many are concern about me, it stirred up a lot of questions. Many people message-ed me and I thank God for that. I am still taking life a step at a time. We’ll see what happens next.. =(
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