Monthly Archives: May 2008

tough? or not..

alvink once told himself that he’d be strong. Or perhaps he’d be tough.
He told himself he should stay strong in whatever he is doing and never to give up neither to give in to unnecessary demands. Till now, I think I’ve successfully done it but I think I’d fail really soon.
All this I am talking about is about organizing a youth camp.
I told myself I didn’t want to be like past commanders that break down along the way. Neither did I want to be emotional and give up cause it would stopped me from giving my best to God’s people. There is no exact recipe to protect me from not breaking down other than to keep myself covered my persistent prayers constantly.
At this point, I have less than 24 hours where the battle and war would begin. Will it be a victory won or am I on the losing end? No one knows except the Father in Heaven who knows. There are just so many things flooding my mind endlessly today. I tried to take a nap and I told myself to at least have a 3hours break and rest so that I will be able to be ready for the camp. However, in just an hour plus, my phone was flooding with miss calls and messages that finally woke me up. I am not annoyed neither am I being stupid for not-offing my phone. I find it glad that people are FINALLY taking things seriously.. A day before the camp.
Now I am awake and I can’t rest.
I am doing doing and doing work and work and work alone.
Sometimes I am starting to feel the stress. Or perhaps I am already feeling it. I am feeling the responsibility God has placed on me- to take care of the campers that is. Not just take care; but take good care.
I am already feeling the tension in the air as things are still not really done up. I don’t know it’s either I keep giving myself things to do or is it really not done. Nametags, Handbooks, T-shirts are all well packed and ready to go. Yet I am still doing certain unnecessary gifts and cards and games for the campers. Doing gifts and cards for them is not easy. You can believe me. All 85 campers is not an easy task to do. Are those things unnecessary? I still believe sacrifice made for each and every camper will not be in vain because I really want them to enjoy the camp even at the expense of my own time and emotions.
I am again feeling the pain too. Thinking of those I dearly miss not going for this camp I am organizing. The lack of support from this parties sometimes just makes me feel worst. At times I needed support and encouragement, no one was there. Sometimes, just an sms or a MSN Message would really cheer me up. Ah. I am giving myself false hopes again. They won’t!
Read this blog title. ‘tough? or not’. I don’t want to be emotional or too stressed up like the previous camp I was doing for games. I don’t want to. I want myself to be able to not just take care of the campers in the camp but I myself getting something valuable from the camp. I hope this would be an eye-opener. A camp that can refresh myself and my heart. To learn and to un-learn. To give and to take. I know. Sometimes, things like these might be at the expense of my own emotions and time. But I know my treasures I stored in heaven.
PD, Here I Come!
I will see my readers after my PD Trip.
Have fun with me for those who are going.
For those who are not, I hope you guys really regret for this camp is gonna be great and I am sure it would be a life-changing experience for each and everyone of the campers.
I need a break.
Had lunch appointment today. Having dinner with grandpa for his 75th Birthday at a restaurant with no handphone line. Maybe God doesn’t want me to think too much.
And well, kill me for this! Starbucks really made my day yesterday.
When I am so stressed, Starbucks does help a lil.
The new drink is really nice. Sweet Caramelly Coffee taste! :)

PD/Malacca Lepak Trip!

Sharon and her ‘Wanton Celup’Justin and his I dont-know-what
Part of the-aimless-4
The cendol
RM 4 bucks egg tart with bird nest. Can you imagine that?
Celup-Celup Melaka!!

harvard referencing system…

I know. A stupid title.
You know why? I hate using Harvard Referencing System in my assignments. It is just so incovenient. You bold, you italic, you bold and italic, you etc etc etc.
It’s just such a hassle doing it. My assignments are complete.
I am quite proud of my PDSM Assignment though.
Personal Development and Study Methods
But not the referencing. I have done the referencing but it is not to Harvard Referencing System. I know there is nothing I can do complaining about this.
I hope you people check out this crazy Referencing System and if you have a choice, please use the Chicago System and so on which is way much easier. Why make life so miserable?
But well, I still have to complete it or else no Hillsongs for me tomorrow. No camp preparation on Friday and no rest time on Saturday.
And what a great news..
Maths test postponed AGAIN till next Wednesday. I freaked out when I heard about it.
Nevertheless, i went to see my lecturer. I can postpone the test till the next tutorial when I come back from camp. I was like thanking God with all my heart. I thought I have to rush back from PD on Wednesday afternoon to sit for the test. But, GOD is great!
See.. He is testing me…
And my collegemates: Please tell me the Maths questions after you people have done it k?
Muahahaha.. :)

assignments.. oh assignments!

Alvin Kok Eu Leong, oh Alvin Kok!
Finish up your assignments!
Yes yes! I am giving myself reminders that I have to finish up my individual assignments especially PDSM by this Thursday or else I’d be dead with such a fierce lively lecturer!
If I want to go to camp in peace, I must finish up all my assignments.
Exams and test will be on Wednesday and Friday. I don’t know a single thing on what I have been learning the past 2 months. Or is it I know but just acting don’t know? Oh gosh, I better work out my Maths and run through my Parameswara History in the next 24 hours or else, you know I know lah!
I need to get off with my Semester 1 in order to go Semester 2. So, I really gotta finish up my work! Feeling busy but actually I am not that busy. Maybe my mind is busy I’d say.
Looks like I wasn’t the only one who have had a 1-week aimless semester break. My collegemates did. And yeah, I did too. We did nothing but eating, sleeping and gaming or even pool-ing. But I think eating is in my class’ top priority! They went to Penang to eat, Some went to PJ for Seafood, some yam cha at 1U and I? Aimlessly went to Malacca to eat eat and eat too!
So, imagine our class? Elephants? 😛
Are we?


I have learnt. I have noted.
I am going through trials.
I see that when I am emotionally down. I am spiritually strong.
Seriously, you see me blogging about how much God has blest me and and all.
You know. Spiritually I am in line.
I suppose God is testing my patience and God is putting me through trials.
And I am certain that God can bring me through this as He put me through this.
Indeed, God has been great and emotionally, I am healing.

Camp is coming sooooooo soon! I can’t wait even a minute longer.
I hope God will really show me something great in this camp and show me who He really is! :)

when you believed…

This post is gonna be long. If you care, read on..
Often times, we pray, ask and intercede without believing; without trusting. This time, God proved to me that He is much greater than I see Him as. He is way sovereign and He is way more powerful. Indeed I see tht it doesnt matter what you are praying for, but when you believe in what you are praying for, miracles will happen. Sometimes, in life, we always think that prayer is just a mere conversation. Prayer is just a crapping session so on and so forth. But I have learnt that it is not. I maybe late to realize this but it’s better late than never. You may think that ‘Alvin only realises it now?’. Yeah. I am not that perfect person some seems to see me as. I have my weakness. Now, I believe. Oceans Will Part when I pray for the Oceans to be parted.
It is by experience I am blogging about this. I used to think I can do all the things in the world without anyone’s help. I used to think that I can do it when other’s come etc etc. But no longer now. I have learnt that with Jesus, all things are possible. Initially I thought that handling a camp is easy.. well it is definitly NOT. Getting the campers to register was one of the greatest challenges in this ministry. I see no fruits in what I was doing at the beginning but now, with consistent prayers, the LORD has definitly guided and lead me. I have kinda- officially said I have closed the registration. God has blest me with 81 campers and excluding many others on the list. God has not blest me but blest the camp with such a big number of campers. You’d think KLBC is a big church? Yeah, it is but 81 just for a ROCK Camp (not even Combined Youth Camp) is history! It is just historical. I can’t wait to see the things God has installed for all of the campers. I believe more lives would be saved. More souls will be touched. Trust me, God’s favour it’s on our side.
As per Lynnett’s blog. Yes, Ru En wasn’t present last minute for worship yesterday. But when I just sat down calmly calling upon the name of the Lord, I was certain God was with me during the worship session. Yes, Joseph took over with such a joy. I see joy in the team lately. They are just fabulous and they are doing a great job! :)
Alvin may have been down for the past month.
Yes, emotionally down. People have been asking about What is happening? Why is it happening?So on and so forth. Definitly something is happening and it is not so convenient to share it here. Ask me if you think you are close enough to me. But in all circumstances, despite the unhappiness, God is in control. Although I myself is controlling tears at times. But I have been fine. Ask me if you have the guts!
The past whole week has been aimless. I have not touched my PDSM assignment due this Thursday. I have not studied for my Maths and Malaysian Studies test respectively. And I am surrendering it all to the LORD. Just being so busy with camp and it’s preparation.
I am really disappointed that certain people can’t come for the camp. Really. It is with most disappointing when you see people that you care and people that love nt going for this camp when you are organising it. Put yourself in my shoes. I am just being honest here. I am sorry but certain disappointments can’t be brush away just like that. It’s part and parcel of life, I’d say.
I am longing to go Hillsong’s Concert. But now I am clueless where I can get the tickets. Seriously. I mean I know where but it seems that it is **** ***. Let’s hope it’s not?

tagged by jia huei, max

Part 1: On the outside
Name: Alvin Kok Eu Leong
Date of Birth: 26th July 2008
Current Status: *you people know i never answers such question*
Hair Colour: Black
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Leo (if i am not mistaken)

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage: as far as the generation before, it is all Chinese
Your Fear: Rats? (Can you believe that?)

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: Anyone messaged or sms-ed me? Hmm..
Bedtime: Have been having a hard time sleeping.. :(
Your most missed memory: The times were things were so easy with …

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. It isnt good for health. Everyone knows.
Single or Group Dates: Single duh.. I miss someone.. :S
Adidas or Nike: Jst because of the shirt I bought was Adidas, Adidas is it!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: neither..

Part 5: Do You…
Smoke: hell NO
Curse: No
Drink : Occasionally. But havent been drinking lately..

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: Hell No~!
Changed who you were to fit in: Do I have to? I don’t think so.. I mean I am loud wherever I am.

Part 8: Age
You’re hoping to be married: 23 and above?

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best eye colour: The heart matters.
Hair colour: The heart definitly matters most to me.

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: Was just thinking.
1 hour ago: I bet I was in dreamland
1 month ago: Busy in college.

Part 11: Finish The Sentences
I love: JESUS! Her.. Him..
I miss : Certain people in my life. You know who you are.
I need: care, love and the lists goes on and on.

Part 12: Tag
You know I am not picky.. :)

List out 5 presents you wish for your upcoming birthday:
1. Her time
2. His care
3. Computer
4. A never-ending supply of Starbucks
5. Peace and Comfort.

*I am sure and certain I have done this tag before. But since it is asked to be done by max and jia huei. Well, I do! :)


Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your patience
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your care
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your generosity
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your sms replies
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your attention

Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you say you love
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even you bless them with presents and gifts
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you are asking for a favour
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you wait and sacrifice for them
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you do everything for them

I’ve learnt to ignore sms-es. I’ve learnt to live without my phone. I’ve learnt so many things about life. I don’t know why this time, I feel the pain deep within. Thinking about it all night long when he doesnt even give a damn. Why give replies? Why care? Why don’t I just give you cold treatment.

I don’t want the past to repeat itself and I want back my 2 years ago..

thank you

To the person who doesn’t give a damn in whatever I do:

– Thanks for killing my day before I left for PD and Melaka
– Thanks for being so honest. Your message are always so brainy; and mine always so brainless
– Thanks for giving me tht stupid sms early in the morning
– Thanks for giving me empty promises
– Thanks for your excuses
– Thanks for making me keep thinking during my whole PD and Melaka trip
– Thanks for letting me off my handphone for the whole damn day till the whole world couldn’t locate me.
– Thanks for the hurt and pain
– Most importantly, thanks for spoiling my day and ruining my PD and Melaka trip. You have such great influences in my life. It’d be better I just stop replying you at times although it costs me to miss you like crazy. Really.

Anything that makes you happy goes. I don’t give a sick damn about you now. I am blardy pissed off and annoyed. Don’t think I’d reply you even when I on my phone now. :(


alvin is annoyed. more annoyed than anyone else could be at this time.
I hate ignorance. i hate disrespect. i hate liars. i hate selfishness. i hate iresponsible idiots.
at this point of time, being alone, i realizes a lot of thing.
how i wish i had someone to talk to?