Monthly Archives: September 2008

For just a day

For a day, I felt extremely satisfied and happy and maybe even enthusiastic.

Firstly, I was offered by my dad for a trip to Australia in May 2009 to accompany him for his meeting. I think I can make it so because my semester ends in March and by the time results are released, end of May should be it. I have not put a yes but I am trying to say yes! =D I’ve not been there for almost 4-5 years now.

Secondly, I was brought to the Tiles shop(s) and the Lights shop the whole afternoon. I was given the chance to choose all the tiles and lights I want and yeah, that’s it. Everything was paid there after. It’s for my new place and some things are really cool. A fan with light caught my attention. It opens like a helicopter. And yes, we bought that too!

Extremely lethargic and leaving for Pangkor tomoro at 6.30am. =)

day dreaming

When more of my days are turning merely into day dreams. Today is just one of them. One more week to go. Day dream is my new name. Reading ‘The Five Love Languages for Singles’ is quite appealing to me. Honestly, I hate reading but that book caught my attention. I get tired reading easily. Maybe it’s a syndrome of not reading for a long time.

I have learnt that I should not underestimate what God can do. Or I should not even put a standard for God; because He really exceeds all my standards. What He can do is far greater than what I can do. Only He changes lives and He changes people. I can’t. And I am glad to be used by Him. =)

I am trying to get over the ‘grow up’ thingy. Really. Maybe when I am better, I will sms back the person but I can honestly tell you the feelings hurts. Hurts me really much. The thought in me has never ended. I am trying to tell myself, ‘Alvin, it’s okay! Just treat it as some sort of joke’. But my heart tells me, ‘Has this person ever thought about my feelings before telling me that?’, ‘This person should apologise, NOT ME’. Argh. It isn’t easy getting over a word that came right pierced through your heart. It’s painful deep within.

I want to get over it and put it aside. I’ve forgived way too many times but I wonder why I failed to do so this time. Apparently, I am so freaking serious this time. The care and concern is still there. But I am trying to handle it well this time. In a matured way. Let’s see from where this goes.

I am starting to realise I fell for it again. This it is something so unexpected. It is something not my thing neither it is something of my type. But it really caught my attention, my care and my concern. I don’t know but it has now a place in my heart. A very close one indeed. This is causing me to ask if I’ve changed in terms of preference. But we’ll see. A week of absence for me to think thoroughly

Whatever you call it!~

I shall no smaller-kan my font size although this remains my random thoughts. Thoughts and feelings that I’ve been going through the past one week. A crazy and nonsensical week, I’d say. Things that I least expect happened, things that I least expect I’d do, I did. I wouldn’t say it is full of sorrows and pain, yet I wouldn’t say it is full of joy and happiness either.

Firstly, my life was apparently safe by God-incidence. I am truly thankful yet I contemplate again. On the day where the LRT clash at 6:30pm, was the day where I was suppose to take the LRT home after my class. It was exactly the time. But by God-incidence, my friend offered to give me a lift home. Or else, I’d be stranded in the LRT or I’d be involve with the incident or maybe, accident. I was thinking when I was in the LRT the next day, what if I was involve? Will I get the attention I’ve always wanted. The attention from some parties? Perhaps, my thought was a yes. But when I thought twice, it was a NO NO. Not gonna risk my life for such an attention. I also contemplated about what if I was inside, would it be interesting? As not many were injured? Would it be an experience? Call me stupid for such thoughts!

Secondly, a very busy week I had. A really really busy week. Perhaps my busy won’t be as busy as the rest of my coursemates because I started slightly few days earlier than they did and completed it way beyond the hand in time. Moral and IT due on the same week, same day is a major killer.

Thirdly, because of my assignments on Friday, what happened on Friday itself got me pretty upset. Maybe not only upset but regretful. Regretful that I was so dependent on another party over my own assignments. I was the first few people to complete it yet, I was the last few to hand in. I hate that miserable feeling. The feeling of fear and uncertainties. The fear of having my marks and certs at stake. It was awful. I was really out of sense and control when I knew all about it. My coursemates can testify my ugly side. Perhaps, it wasn’t the most ugly side of me yet. But I’ve learnt throught it. Learned through such an experiences. I’ve learnt 2 big words: to ‘BELIEVE’ and to ‘TRUST’. To believe in someone isn’t as easy, and trust too. As much as I believe the LORD is real and magnificent, He will be. Trusting Him in times of dire need is important. Not only in our needs, but all the time. And I do believe God is gonna do something great and real this coming ROCK Sunday; putting aside all complains and obstacles. When our favour is on His side, we rule because He rules. People may try to tear you down in many ways, but to believe and trust in Him that He will do great things is important.

Forthly, I am annoyed over the many discouragements I’ve face this week. My busy-ness kept me so busy that it was great for me to put it aside. Ignoring SMS-es, MSN messages was merely what I did. Discouragements over my ministry, my assignment so on and so forth. But I am coping and learning to take it well. And learning to be wise in what I am doing. Putting aside all the heartache and all and to look at the brighter side; because He is in control.

Fifthly, I am leaving for Pangkor Island next week. I am full of excitement and enthusiasm to leave this place where I can put things aside. But well, my assignments I can’t really put aside. Will try to finish it. And finally, I’ve printed my ITB notes. At this point when I am almost finishing my 2nd Semester.

Sixthly, my Resit for my Maths Class Test results is not out. I am so lazy to persue. From lecturer, to admin and now the issue is back to the lecturer. What red tape this is. Rubbish I’d say.

Seventh, I realised that I get easily affected by things. I get easily influenced by things. Just 2 days ago at 4.30pm, I received an sms: ‘I want you to grow up can?’. All I did was to stare at the message for some time. Obviously, this person is someone close to me that I care; thats why this person dares to write such a thing. But I’ve been thinking about that phrase endlessly the past 2 days. Trying so hard to get over it. Am I really that childish? I don’t want to put the blame on you by saying that you are the childish one. But am I? I thought I was matured and okay for my age but this person thinks otherwise. The words uttered pierced right through my heart and sometimes I wonder whether it is true? Telling myself to put things aside. Ignored this particular person on Facebook and SMSes for the past 2 days. I wonder whether care was put into what was said? Did the person ever think about how I’d feel? Or is it just a general sms that I shouldnt bother and just delete? I hate such SMSes.

There are more nonsense and tantrums this week actually. But I am too lethargic to type more. My hands are failing me. My mind and brain too. I shall stop. If you don’t see me, see you after Pangkor!


As jumbled and messed up it is, that is exactly how my mind is. Nothing emotional. But just thoughts in and out of my mind. Assignments are not driving me crazy YET. Well, I just finished IT Applications Assignment this afternoon, Communication Skills class test this morning, Moral Studies assignment half way through. It wasn’t as bad. I am so-not-gonna-bother complaining about APIIT anymore. It’s frustrating. My 8 assignments for this semester which was supposedly given to us since week 1 has all been pushed back to the last 5 weeks. I think I have 5 weeks to go before this Semester ends. I’ve not passed up any assignments yet. Sighs

Friday will be the first 2 assignments: Moral Studies and IT Applications. But it was frustrating and perhaps, annoying when you have completed your whole report, templates, accounts, brochure and all; and your lecturer suddenly announces that the maximum pages for the full report is 30pages. Just 2 days before the hand in date. I perfectly finished it this afternoon, and I had 39 pages. Tidied up my work and when I heard that, I got kinda unhappy. How can you let me know this late?

Argh. Nevertheless I did it all over again. Like I said, lecturers are always right, isn’t it? Whats the point of arguing. I have so many more assignments in hand.

I don’t really feel stressed up because I think this is nothing compared to my Secondary School. Everyone is complaining but I think the workload is just okay. Not too bad. It’s just that our dear friend, Mr Procrastinate always influences us to sleep and so on. Our assignment is not that many after all.

It isn’t all a good week. Have been bothered by someone and bombarded with nonsense. Irritated; when you are so busy. And yet this person is complaining and all.

I can’t wait for my Semester Break next week where I am going to Pangkor. I need a break. I need to go far away although I still need to read my Business and so on.

I officially hate attending Introduction to Business classes. It is so freaking boring. Actually, the class was named wrongly. It should be called ‘Dictation Class’.


Apparently, you came out into my life at the right time.
Taking away all my emotional days and thoughts. You came into my life at the time where assignments are piling up. It has been a great feeling knowing and seeing you. I cherish the times we spent together and I am looking forward for more. You’re just amazing =)


Are you speak Engris?

The debate is on again: To revert Maths and Science to English or not to? How sad is that, after all these years, we are still stuck with the question: Going back and forth. Not making the slightest progress even at decision level.

And guess who suffers in the end? Who end up as the victims here? The students! Yet one wonders why we frown upon the Malaysian Education system. Indecisiveness rules, that’s why!

I remembered in 2002 when the Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir pushed for more subjects to be taught in English. The idea was adopted, and then we went back to Bahasa Malaysia, and back to English, and now, the deliberation is on again to have Maths and Science in Bahasa.

What’s happening to us? When China is importing English lecturers by the thousands from the UK, and many other countries are encouraging their people to pick up Mandarin, looking at how China is fast becoming a world economic power, here we are, still arguing about the same old issue, regressing to square one, yet again.

We really, really, really need to move on. We really do and We need to move forward.

A friend’s teacher was telling about how she was approached by a colleague who confided in her. The male secondary school teacher was approached by a student who asked him: “Sir, which part of out body is called the waist?” The boy pointed at his waist and thigh. The teacher, pointing to his own thigh, said that was his waist!

Of course the friend corrected him and thankfully, that teacher had the decency to go back to the student and admit to the student that he was wrong.

But this is it. This is where we are where English is concerned. Our understanding, our comprehension of the language, the way we pronounce words.. gone to the dogs!

Yes, we understand that it is difficult for some teachers to teach in English because they are poor too- again, no thanks to or education system. But we can’t take the easy way out here or we will surely lose out in the long run. Teachers who are weak in English can be trained. We can have extra classes to help them improve and hopefully master the language one day. And they in turn, can help their own children grasp the language. It’s all for their own good. For our own good! For the nation’s own good!

We need this to continue being competitive. Or do turn and run the other way and not bother with the finish line or promising rewards, whenever we see an obstacle ahead? Do we sacrifice yet another generation to bad English?

The current standard is, to say the least, atrocious, appalling, abominable! Awful, I’d say

To the authorities, please do what’s right for the country (Yes, to the authorities. Giving up? haha)

Please don’t let the current efforts that are already in place, go to waste!

Some perfect examples to the title ‘Are you speak Engris?’

1. In an office, a young employee picks up her phone when it rings and casually asks the person on the other line:’Is this an internal or outernal (external) call?’

2. Interview between an airline company and flight attendant wannabe.
Question: What do you know about flight safety procedures?
Answer: Passengers must leave their belongings during EJACULATION (evacuation).

3. One student is heard telling the other at a formal function: ‘Wah, today you look very extinguished (distinguished)’

4. At a modelling agency, a model asks her colleague… ‘Where you SHOT tomorrow? (Where is your shoot tomorrow)’

5. At a beauty pageant a contestant says: ‘I want to be success’

6. Form an essay by a student: ‘… I am dumbfolded (dumbfounded)’

7. Another essay by a student: ‘He suffer from low SELF OF STEAM (self-esteem)’

8. From a notice posted by a student: ‘No smoking ALOUD (allowed)’

9. From an essay by a student” ‘I pass all my testes. My grades should be hirer’

10. Written by a form four student in his essay: ‘Talking about the MISUED of religion’

11. From a letter written by a 17-year old: ‘I like your WORD (work), and what a cute CREATURE (picture) of you…’

12. Overheard at a department store: ‘I am so shy to go to the LIN-JE-Ree (lingerie) section..’

13. From an essay by a 15-year old who was asked if he would dress like a girl: ‘Never. Even if all the girls in the world EXTINCTED’

14. A student at school tells his teacher: ‘Sir, toilet sir. I got stomach cake’

15. From an assignment submitted by a university student: ‘Women can use the DIAGRAM to prvent from getting pregnant’

16. From a student: ‘The reason why he’s not interested in woman is because he is a QUAIL (queer)’

17. On a trup abroad, a reporter wakes up just after dawn, looks out the window and exclaims: ‘Wah, cantiknya sunset!’

18. Spelling mistakes at local food outlets: ;’Sphaghetthi (spaghetti)’ ‘Suit and sawa chicken (Sweet and sour chicken)’, ‘Stake (steak)’

19. A part time worker at a concert hall needs to stamp the wrists of patrons foing out for a break. She says: ‘Excuse me sir, can I chop you hand?’

20. From a secondary student: ‘He told me he hit his head on his forehead’

21. From a local fil delegate at an international festival: ‘She’s an actress. SHE-MOTHER also actress’

22. From a 15-year old looking after his pet: ‘My dog had cut his hair last week. He became a shaven body because he is thin’

23. A very famous local singer was asked by a stewardess, ‘How would you like your coffee?’ The singer, very earnestly replied, ‘In a cup please’

24. Toilets out of Order. Please use the Ice-Rink.

25. All of You Listen to mee, Don’t disturb here, will call policae catch you, Don’t come to my bungalow house, Understand, O.K? I hate all of you.

How atrocious is an International Language made? Or perhaps I ask, how more disgrace shall we bring to ourselves and our nation? Enough of debates. Many often asks, ‘Why the countries around grows faster?’ Have we ever realised that language itself plays such an important role in the lives of many? Singapore has proven to be one of the fastest growing country. At least people doesn’t ask if they live in jungles and if they have eggs and potatoes right?

We made ourselves who we are. Don’t bother looking east, west, north or south. What’s the point if our own basic is not strong? Language is such a basic. Are we just afraid that English will overshadow our national language? Is it the ego in the ministers? I’d rather you sacrifice your ego for the sake of the country.

I don’t deny my English is not good enough. I often complains that to my mum too. But hey, at least my English is way better than many around me? I am not bragging but I am thankful to be in a school where English was an important language. The exposure I got is so valuable. People have to realise. Authorities have to realise. We need to wake up from this.

Maths and Science is just 2 subjects out of the uncountable subjects that we offer in secondary school. What is wrong with just having it English? Apparently, people can get 20 A1s, if they are really brilliant, this change shouldn’t affect them. Are we not changing just because the students will get lower marks? Oh, that thinking is so traditional.

I am not as fortunate as those now who have their primary school Maths and Science in English. Nevertheless, it will turn unfortunate to them if it is revert back. People are leaving Malaysia because of it’s Education System. We need a revamp. We need a change. And I think English is the way to go.

Reference (and some sources) : from Malaysian Today


Apparently, more and more bloggers are being held in custody. Maybe blogs should be banned in Malaysia? I suppose it will settle all the sedition issues and all the corrupted critics and so on and so forth. Internet was once used to express freedom of speech in the right way- through blogs. But many silly people like you have changed the whole concept. Making innocent bloggers like us may worry that the freedom of blogging been taken away.

I’ve been hearing everyone saying the same thing when they don’t like to hear something. You want to know what phrase? The phrase, ‘Later ar, ISA come after …’. Everything gotta do with this ISA thingy and it’s starting to get old and boring. And oh, our dear leaders in the country, ignorance is not bliss. Sometimes, being responsible over the things we said and do make things easier and less complicated. Why dare do and not admit? Unless you tell me you are below 15years old, maybe I’d understand.

You know. Malaysia is not well know enough already. Imagine if blogs were banned. Internet were banned? Do you know a Mat Salleh once asked, ‘Where is Malaysia? Do you have potatoes there? How about eggs? Do you still live in the jungle?’. I mean, OMG. We even have one of the tallest Twin Towers. Why don’t we have eggs or potatoes? If blogs and internet were banned, oh Malaysia can remain unknown to the world. We would probably never exist in most of their minds.

Freedom of Speech is what I am talking about. Let’s be fair sometimes. Let’s not be judgemental. Some people are such an extremist that they idol the Leader and whatever the Leader says is true. Hell No. It is the things the Leaders do that matters. Not the things Leaders are.

The ‘putting bloggers into the lock-up’ scenario did wake me up a little. But I find so restricted. I find that it makes my blog so useless.I don’t know if these people really went beyond the lines but Get Real! It is the 21st Century. Freedom of Speech, Internet -are all out rights. I don’t want to live in a jail (Malaysia). If everything were restricted, how can life be?

I am fearful of what I just wrote but it has no intentions of being bias or rude towards anyone. Let’s just accept the facts of what is happening.

What Ifs

I should stop contemplating about what is happening and what is going to happen. It’s killing me for real. Whether you get it or not, you have my support. I am so worried myself about what will happen. I should just stop. Maybe I should just let loose myself once in a while between us and not holding on so tightly. Perhaps I wont suffer this way. Maybe I should understand more.

But all in all, I just hate ignorance. Nothing else. I don’t hate the person but I hate what has happened-IGNORANCE. Yes I may be immature. Yes I may be childish for not accepting changes but I am who I am, I suppose you have to accept me for who I am (if you really love me like you said) and you in return don’t get upset. All I ask for is to put in some initiative, love and effort to this. Nothing more. I am just so annoyed. Over and over again it happened and over and over again you apologise and I accepted it out of love and pain. I should just stay cool and calm . I should just stop contemplating.

Maybe I should be love-blinded so I won’t get so emotional over all these little stuffs?

Being emo over it is annoying too. It is frustrating to get upset towards you because it hurts. It really does. Free me from my thoughts, someone?

In the darkness, His light shines.

I believe all eyes are on our country. All eyes and even ears, are on our country. On it’s leadership, it’s citizens, it’s people. I sometimes question myself on ‘Why? Why is this happening?’. I sometimes even ask, ‘Why the Lord places leaders and authorities for me and yet when I look up to them, I feel …’. Undeniably, it has been a bit distracting for me. Opening the newspapers, you see all sorts of injustice, you see murders, you see innocence being jailed. Listening to the radios, you hear leaders fighting and criticizing. Switching on the television, the same things. When you go online, worst still. Why?

As I was preparing for ROCK Sunday’s Special Item, God of this City by Chris Tomlin (We’re doing a dance and live dance), I realized that in all circumstances, He is still in control. He is still the Lord of Kuala Lumpur. Despite all these terrible issues and debates, our eyes should still focus and remain on Him and Him alone and no one elses. He placed me here for a reason. I believe. He put me here in the city of Kuala Lumpur for a purpose and the purpose is still to bless the people around me. I am praying for the country. I don’t care what is going to happen this week. But I know that may His name be glorified in this city. We may seem the most corrupted place on earth now, but who cares if He is here?

Ultimately, we are humans. We are stubborn. We always like to take things the difficult way. And maybe through such difficulties, He’d be glorified? Through such times, people will turn to Him? Who knows? I pray He’d heal this land. I pray for a revival to start here. I pray for a miracle to rain upon this land.

I may be having a sore throat. Obviously, very distracted during worship today. To be honest, it was very distracting. But to see glimpse of people around me worshipping this morning was very encouraging. It was a rare sight to see people really worshipping from the seat I sit in church but this morning was just different, maybe people are really starting to realise His’ importance, His’ greatness and His’ authority. And I am glad to see that. I am happy to be in this change.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray for my nation. I pray for the people around me. I pray for my country’s leadership. I pray that Your will be done in this place. Despite all the rumours, dirty politics, extremists, I pray that You will be in control. I know you love your people. Heal this land, Oh Lord.

In Jesus’ Name

In the darkness, His light still shines


Tell me I am unhappy. I really am. Utterly disappointed over my own results. I may have even put too much hope on myself which I highly doubt so. I just did way beyond my own expectations. Letting your ownself down is somewhat a painful thing. It’s like you caused your own death. Justifiably, I told myself it was APIIT’s great fault that causes me this misery but thinking back, I too was at a wrong?

In short, I got..

  • Malaysian Studies -A+
  • Personal Dev and Study Methods- B+
  • English Language- A+
  • Mathematics- F+

It is obviously now you know what caused me to be this unhappy. I first heard when they told me Mathematics does not have final exams. I was more than excited. But now, I failed that module. I am also unhappy over my B+ for my PDSM. I expected an A+. And I did think that I would get that A+ easily.

But you can’t help it but to be furious if you are in my position. I know you may say that I am making excuses but I did thought I would fail Maths and true enough I did.

I am not blaming it that I went to camp. I submitted EC for Maths Test 1 since my old lecturer did not kept his promises in letting me sit for Test 1 after I came back from camp. He left the college and so, my new lecturer told me to submit an EC. Maths Test 1 comprises only 35marks and it is supposedly from Chapter 1-Chapter6. I sat and paid for the EC, sat for a Re-Sit paper with other failing students from other intakes. The Re-Sit paper covered Chapter 1-12 and accumulates a total of 100 marks. See what I am mad about here? I went to see the lecturer after that and yet he told me he can’t do much. I am sure the 100marks pulled me down because I scored 26/30 for both my assignments. So I just needed 20 marks to pass.

When everyone elses marks are divided into 100, mine was over 165. So now? Get me? Eventhough I failed by just 3-5 marks, the fact is I failed. It somehow hits me really hard.

And what is with other lecturers marking my papers apart from my lecturers or tutors. What justice does this brings to me? My COS (ex-PDSM tutor) lecturer was caught by suprised too when she found out that it wasn’t mark by my PDSM Lecturer. Where is this bringing me too? Reasonably, my ITB teacher has been teaching us to write in point form in exams. Other lecturers on Essay form. So who is right? Who is wrong? Am I suppose to know who is marking my paper next and answer to their style? It is so not fixed here.

I know I am student. Students are never right and teachers are always right. Many teachers and lecturers fail to recognise that we are students, humans too. And yet the expect the highest of the highest from us. And when we fail to do their expectations, they complain, they scold and they even punish. Can’t they sometime give us the freedom to voice out our opinions and thoughs which sometimes might bring some benefit to both parties? Why are we often restricted to what we say and what we do in class? And worst still, to polish your shoes, we need to do all kinds of things that you like.

Why always stand so firm and insisting you are right and we are wrong when we are just giving out ideas? I supposed you have to be fair to us. Listen to us. And maybe sometimes you might not think of what we can bring up to you. Many students I’ve heard give up straight away when they hear that they have to approach their teachers or lecturers. The mindset in us is that, ‘They win, we lose. So whatever’. Give us a chance. I understand we may be offensive and rude at times, call us immature. The thing is not about the ‘dfb*d*fbk*dbf’ word that we use, but it is about the context of what we are trying to say. I know sometimes we fail to express ourselves. This is when your patience comes in?

Just for the sake of your egos, we may sometimes even have to suffer for the wrong decisions that you have made. I know you must have a greater ego than we do. Greater standings but sometimes you just fails to understand the point. That is why sometimes I find younger teachers or lecturers are easier to relate too. No offense to the teachers or lecturers but sometimes you fail to see what we think about you, what we think about the matter.

Being younger than you may also brings us benefits. We have less things to worry about unlike you, so somethings that we may have thought may never be what you think. Why God say, ‘Have faith like little children?’. Because little children just trust without asking. They are so innocent. Similarly, trust us sometimes. Give us chance to speak. Give us time to talk. Communication in class is not just 1 way. It is 2 ways. We speak, you listen, You speak, we listen. That would definitely make a class a more enjoyable place isn’t it?

You are teachers and lecturers, we respect you. But we respect you for what you have done for us and how much you have put in for us. Not for your endless fruitless nagging and torturing. I’ve seen good, stern and firm teachers producing excellent students. Sometimes, pushing us harder may cause us to rebel towards you even more. I would personally say, you make us who we are. You make us respect, You also make us rebel. Think twice before lecturing us sometimes? We love you and we do think about you when we reach home with the subject.

We want to love you, it’s whether you want to give us a chance?