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If you are claiming you are having a rough time, so am I. Having this damn rough time partially because of you! If you think you are gonna break off a whole damn relationship with me, and your problem is solved, QUIT BEING IMMATURE! It doesnt solve your problems instead give you more problems! I am so tired and sick of all these things. I have done all i can and all i could to make you the happiest person you can ever be, but you just never appreciate it and in return, giving me all the hurt and pain. WTF is wrong? Telling me you are busy, I have been with you for months and almost a year. I know when you are busy and when you are not. What you do when you are busy and what you don’t do. I know it so well.

Looking bad at the past, it hits me even more badly. You use to spent your time with me- before school, right after school till we get to bed. You have always been trying to make me the happiest person i can ever be LAST TIME. A little merajuk-ness and unhappiness from me will cause you to react and do the best you could to get me back into the mood- LAST TIME. How many more last time do i need to express.

I sometimes find it so selfish of you. You can just love and care for someone so badly to a certain extent where you are willing to do anything for that person. And in a glimpse of an eye, you can just stop loving and caring for that person just because you have another set of new love ones. How can you do that? I wonder. The most hurtful thing is that you can just leave all those people just like that because you have found someone else.

If it was my whole damned fault, tell me about it. What did I do wrong? Why must you leave me in the dark? How much more pain do I have to endure? Am dying inside because i finally lost everything… Everything… including YOU! YOU! YOU! How much longer do I have to wait? I want everything to be how it used to be like or at least close to it!! I know I am plain pathetic at this damn time.

You told me I was once the first few in your life. Am i still holding that position? Or am I not? I am doubting. After all that has happened, I am doubting. Do you still care and love me like you have always been doing? Looking and hearing you call other people ‘bro’ and being called ‘bro’ doesnt at all hurt me. I am not gonna be selfish. At times, I know i can be selfless. Yes, in fact, most of the time, I am SELFLESS. Argh~ whatever.. You wouldn’t give a fuck about it.

Sometimes i get so upset about everything I contemplate to.. It is because I still care. Well basicly i have no balls for anything, there’s still so much of life to live out, yet there are equally as much to die for. Literally. I get so preoccupied with unnecessary thoughts. Stuff that i shouldn’t give two fucks about. Yet, stuff that stresses the shit out of me. Why do i care about you?! And what you do. You’ll do what you do, and you’ll enjoy what you do, and why am i breaking myself because of what you fucking do? I just don’t know..

I know if you read this, you are gonna be pissed. Very pissed. But i just can’t help it. I have tried lying to myself. I have tried controlling myself. But the love and care for you is just too deep. I just hope you won’t be pissed.

The scars are already there. =(

I no longer feel herculean to you anymore…

How long more do I have to endure? I am going crazy…

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ROCK: DETOUR

Figuring things out