Posts Tagged: random

Brisbane.

On May 6, 2009 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Greetings from Brisbane, Australia now!

Trying so hard to put myself back into pieces ain’t easy. I have been giving so much thought about it the past few days and it’s probably killing me whole trip and my entire emotions. But what more can I do? Expect myself to apologise? Expect the other party to do something? I don’t know.

Keeping peace with me the past few nights through prayer. Knowing deep within me isn’t fine but I can’t seem to find a solution. I did wish I can sit down and talk or at least talk. But I am so freaking far away. SMSes? Hmm.. 5 more days to home. Some part of me is already waiting to return. I don’t know why. Reaching at KL blardy early at 4am and need to probably wait till 7am to get home is annoying. There are no buses till 530. Hmmm..

I’ve been walking endlessly and some walk made me learn things. Some aimless boring walk kept me thinking even more.

Nonetheless, it’s 5 days more to home. 6 days more to . . . . I thank God my nose is feeling a little better. I don’t know how to describe. Ask me personally and I might tell you.

I really thank God for the SMSes and the MSN Messages you guys have left me. I did not reply any SMS but I did occasionally replied some of the offline messages. I apologise for my ignorance as I am not too in the mood and my online time is quite limited. I am actually typing this at 12am here. Going to 1am.

I am waiting. I am thinking. I am hoping. I’m all out of almost everything already =(.

I thank God for this solitude in Brisbane – without dad and having some time alone. Maybe God knows I really need this. Badly. I always wonder why wrong things must happen at the wrong time. I really do.

Goodnight people! (to those I never bothered SMSing back!)

Trying to upload pictures but it is giving me hell of a time. Argh!

I thought I could

On April 22, 2009 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized
Somehow I feel the sense of losing someone already.
I know I have not lost the person; even though its we are separated distance apart.
Knowing your coming 2 years, I suddenly feel all alone.
I know, Life still goes on..
But how is life gonna be?
I have got no idea.

I hope I won’t lose you.
Seeing the flashbacks of my mind the past 2 years just sucks.
It brought me more pain than joy.
However, there was also some moments where I was really made happy.
I don’t want the pain to go on.

Just when I thought things got a little better between us, you are going off.

I realised I have not been doing enough the past 1 week =(
And I am leaving on Monday.
I think what I am doing is of no impact at all.
Not significance. No difference.
I just hope what we are doing now will bring me strong memories I can keep.
The pictures took, the things bought, the gifts – will all now be the only treasure I have after your departure.
But how much are there?
Pictures? I suppose just a few. Nothing great =(
Things? I got no idea
Gifts? The belt is the one and only!

My life is in a deep dilemma.
I can never find someone who understands me as much.

I know I have failed miserably.
I did thought I was okay, But every time I think about it, I ain’t okay.
I did thought I can sail through this, but I am worried of how things will be.
I know you and your treatment for me too well.

SIGHS!

I am pressing on, despite what.
I am looking at things as positively as I can.
As bright as I can.
And spend these precious few days more…

I don’t care how you behave but I will give in my best.

Thats as much as I can do.

I don’t even feel like working anymore tomorrow and Friday.,
I am looking forward to Australia. Looking forward for time to come faster.
But not looking forward to May 12th. Thats for sure.

But what can I do?
What memories of you do I have to keep?
I wonder…

,

I thought

On April 16, 2009 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

I thought I got over it but I’ve not. I am taking it in little by little and am doing fine.

Perhaps, I am not being emotional. I don’t know but the feelings are playing around with me.

I wished I can spend the last about 10days before you leave with you – with quality. Doing things that would makes us remember forever. I know for sure Movies, will be something I remember. But I wished that it can be more than just movies. I know I feel demanding. But I don’t want to remember Movies as the things we have done. I want to make an impact and be impacted by you before you leave.

Well, you have already made the impact in my life.

Gahhh… I don’t know what crap I am talking… Sigh

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Really random

On April 8, 2009 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Read this. I am in a very random mood now. You may understand what I am to write or maybe not but read on. Some may really make you laugh. And before you go on reading, I want to tell everyone that I am a superly good good boy okay? Nothing naughty. It’s just for laughs. But do comment on what you are going to see.

1. Firstly, I think my motives for working now is ultimately wrong. I don’t enjoy the process but I enjoy getting the pay. Well, the pay in Starbucks Malaysia is not superly or very high, perhaps, not high at all. So at times, lately, I am getting a little bit lazy. Don’t blame me for that. The rest of them there are worst except for a few. They take time off to chill, smoke, lepak and all the things you can think of. But some of them are really nice!

2. You won’t believe this. People that comes to Starbucks in Times Square are a little bit crazy. People that comes – customers. I’ve picked up this card thingy while I was clearing some tables.

Can you see clearly what its written? Let me enlighten you:
‘Sir, you want any nice young lady, I can recommend for you young and beautiful girl’

As for the Chinese word, I can only see:
DATE, FULSEX, 1.00pm – 6.00am.

Anyone who needs things like that? I pass you the number? :P. The phrases are so grammatically wrong!

3. There was this random customer who came by and saw my Malay colleague working. And he daringly asked for her number but she refused. And what he did…

Waaa.. So daring right? Ask my colleague to call him!! He just wrote his number on the receipt. This is what you call freedom? Freedom of expressions of love? :P. I was like, are you kidding me?
All these funny little things in Starbucks makes your day at times. Doesn’t exactly makes your day but it gets you going.
4. I am feeling terribly guilty over things I’ve done over the past few weeks. I have been wondering and thinking if what I did was right. Argh. I am confused. I hate myself for always doing something and regretting over it. Not exactly regretting, but maybe it is something I shouldn’t at all be doing.
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Postive!*edited*

On March 20, 2009 by alvinkok With 3 Comments - Uncategorized

Like I have mentioned in my previous posts, I am trying super hard to look at things positively. Perhaps not things, in general but life. We made it complicated thus, we have the responsiblity to look at things positively. It should help simplify things a lil. Perhaps, less arguments, less fights, less pushy.

I am not saying that looking at things positively equals (=) ignorance. NO NO NO! Definitely NOT. Looking at things positively means looking at the brighter side despite whatever has happened.

For example, my maid is still on her 10 days annual break in Indonesia. I gotta do everything myself. Well, let’s just treat this as some training. Hey, not easy for me aite? I am superly lazy – if you didn’t know!

What else? Hmm.. Anything lah. Just look at things positively and maybe miracles will happen.

You see. An amazing ambigram below. I never ever thought my name could be written in both angles. Never. Not at all. Maybe I am slow. Blur or whatever!~ But it’s amazing isn’t it? You twist 180degrees and you can still read my name. Well, you can try drawing one yourself. If you’re creative enough. Do give credits to me! =P

One side

The other side

Fantastic ambigram, isn’t it? Never you thought you can do that? You can! Looking at things positively is a choice of our own. I used to think negatively and behaves with it. But I am trying. So hard to see things positively. Not to get upset over everything I see. Not to comment over everything someone else does. Tough thing to do. Definitely.

The artist’s initial

The artist is actually Ong Ben Leon. For those who thinks they aren’t good enough to draw it, drop him a message at his blog and ask him to do it for you lah. I don’t guarantee it’s free aite? 😛 He enjoys using his un-blur brain to design and draw. Get him! 😛

Thank you people, my blog readers has increased tremendously. Triple, if I am not mistaken. Still not that high compared to many. But my number of ads clicks – SIGH! People, it’s media. You should be curious and click! =P

Last day of Study Break. Great. Just opened PT Lecture yesterday. I am super gonna screw things up. CIT, i didn’t open YET.

I just realised I’ve been the owner of this blog since November 2005. 3 years 3 months. Approximately. Kinda long actually. Browsing through old posts makes me feel that I’ve grown – in terms of writing. In terms of maturity. I AM NOT OLD OKAYY? Life as a blogger has its own ups and downs. I suppose I did stopped blogging a while but I was forced to by my English teacher who asked us to submit our diaries to her or blog add. Well, I’d prefer blogging, so I went back into it.

I wont mention names. Just so you know, teachers and lecturers visits blog. Don’t be amazed. Teachers nowadays. But well, you know if I were to write on this teacher; you will be laughing your heads out. Probably laughing like mad. You know what it is about lah – Good or Bad!
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The 10 Random Things

On March 18, 2009 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

1. I realised everything has its own seasons. Let’s just take Facebook for an example. Lately. There is a quiz passing around and everyone is dying to do it. Some quiz topics like ‘How good you are at bed?’, ‘What age will you get married?’, ‘What type of person are you?’ and so on and so forth. My newsfeed is filled with such comments and their results. Not that I don’t care but urghhh, to me its like… ‘Not again?!?’Previously, it used to be this picture tagging thingy where people tag each other and go on and on.This taught me that people changes. Mood changes. Seasons changes. People follows the latest trend of all days just to be in the peer, in the group. Many at times, I think that I am not but indirectly, I actually have just got myself into it. Like the quiz above, I ‘thought’ it was fun, so I tried one because I saw friends doing it but hey, I actually think the quiz is so wordy that I don’t want to read it?

2. I wanted to snap a picture or screenshot of the lecture notes that I have to go through before Monday. Honestly, I have gone through NONE. Not a single piece. It’s lying dormant on my table. Maybe dormant is not the suitable word. but I just feel like using that word. I am reluctant to get my external out to just screenshot some stupid lecture notes here. Finals is next week and I don’t seem to give a much big damn about how well I do. I am worst than a sloth currently.

3. As per Ben’s blog, I visited Sabrina yesterday in Gleneagles. Gosh. She has that energy even after the surgery.But well, she is tough. And mum just told me I am not going for that same surgery. Reason being:
– My mum found out it doesnt give a long term remedy. Just 2 years and the thingy will come back
– Surgery and those fainting-medicine haha. Is no good for me as it causes losing of memory.
So, I wont go as for now.

4. I don’t know what is happening to the gadgets(handphones, desktop and laptop) I am using.
My handphone’s keypad is not functioning very well. It hell sucks when you try to sms. I mean seriously. It’s so hard to even ‘tekan’. And worst still, the few unfunctioning-very-well buttons are the 3DEF, 6MNO and *. Can you imagine?

And my laptop, gosh. It’s freakingly slow. And not only that, my sound driver used to has a *tuuuuuuuuuuuut* sound when playing songs as some background addition =P. But now, the *tuuuuuuuuuuuut* has disappeared and came another problem, lagging problems. The songs or dvd that I play, it goes like.. ‘Oh-Wh-y-do-er-es-it-er-hap-er-pens?’. It’s just annoying. If you didnt get what I was trying to express.

And just 2 weeks ago. My desktop, flat screen monitor KO-ed. And now I am struggling with a super old CRT Monitor which is already killing my eyes. Having some headache since the day I am using this. I am not sure if it is some mental thingy but I know the headache is killing me.

Anyone willing to sponsor any of the above items for me? xD

5. I am waiting to fly. Honestly, I am. I know I will miss the people back here for the 2 1/2 weeks but I just want to have some fun. It’s been few years since I went to Aussie. Nah, people who are important to me reading this: I WILL call back. =P My phone has so damn much credit. RM8XX on Maxis and RM1XX on Digi?

6. I am starting to feel a lil worried. I don’t know whether I have chosen the right course for my Degree. It’s starting to be frightening as time comes. Any ideas on what Media Informatics is all about? Anyone?

7. I am enjoying not going to APIIT. Really.

8. I am trying very hard to look at things and life positively. As hard as I could. Ain’t easy but I am trying. :)

9. I have added the 2 little creature on my side bar of the blog. Please feed them by clicking on it. The fishes and the hamster. It will grow I hope. Soon enough.

10. I am actually wasting my time blogging this because I am waiting for Ong Ben Leon for dinner. So whoever thinks this post is meaningless, please blame him XD

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when it’s not yours, it ain’t gonna be yours

On March 16, 2009 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized
I realised when He (God) does not wants to give it to you, no matter how hard you try it; You won’t get it. After a long talk with someone, I realised many things. I wished some feelings weren’t lust. I think it wasn’t, at least. But who knows whats deep inside? Feelings are such subjective things that I can say I do but yet my heart does not.
I am glad that I made the right choice. A choice to wait upon the Lord and to give time to what is going to happened. I did not regret a single bit when things did not worked out yesterday. Instead, I was feeling a sense of relieve. The issue I have been thinking about: I don’t need to care anymore. Not to say I dont care but, I can try but not force things throught. If you guys understands the french I am talking, you guys are great!
Well, the time will come for me when God says the time is right. Fullstop. Nothing debatable.
I have been very lazy the past 3 months. And now, I am even lazier- finished my foundations; waiting for exams. And I ain’t opening a single lecture slide on the modules. I think I hate the subjects for the last semester. It is crazy. So much to memorise. Aite. If I ever complain about not enough time to study, it is mere bullshit! Haha.
I am trying. Actually I am. How ironic right? I always tell myself, I must finish this by this time. And yet, when that time comes, I actually did NOTHING. Every single time. I am such good a procrastinating all the things I have -when it comes to studies, to be exact.
On another hand, I realised being in top positions in a ministry ain’t easy. Perserverance. Endurance. Attentiveness – are some of the characters that is needed. I have been holding the President post for 3months now and I realised I have learnt a lot. Really much in fact. But one of the things it costs me is also my brains. Haha. Thinking and brainstorming of best methods and all for the youth groups isn’t easy. Thankfully, I have a group of supportive leaders behind my back.
I am seeing the seeds that we planted is going to grow. In fact, I can see – it is growing. Little by little. Although not much but God has been good. I’d think it did a tremendous improvements from the previous weeks. I think that the end results should always be left to God, and we should take the process seriously. Learning through the processess is important.
I don’t know what I am crapping about here again. =/

I am not a paedophile okay?

*****************************I can’t help but to say that it is that phase of life where I have to move on. I just finished my foundations yesterday (forget about the exams!). I realised I had this strong feeling in my heart where I know I had to leave another bunch of loud, energetic and crazy classmates.The same feelings and emotions ran through me just about 15 months ago where I left SJI after I finished my SPM.It is not as easy to just say it is our last class and forget about all the fun times we have had. All the laughters, the pain, the arguments, the rush. The past one year in APIIT has its own ups and downs. I still dislike APIIT no matter what. I know I will still be in APIIT but we’ll never be together in that same lecture and class again.The friendship develops unconsciously; the strong bonding became stronger. The big loud class – i may not have a chance to ever experience the craziness of it ever again. To say that I’ve totally close this chapter of my life, I have not. Not to even mention.. I’ve not closed the book for SJI even I’ve left for so many months.We were just talking over it over lunch yesterday when we had our last lunch together. We were sharing about how we used to hate each other, degrade each other, insult each other and how we ended up in this bonding. It was fun but I know everyone of us did hurt someone around us – intentionally or non-intentionally. No, I am not regretting. it is a life’s process we have to go through. Probably it has made each one of us better friends and made us stronger.This journey cant be made possible without a bunch of cool lecturers and nice friends. We have seen each other for almost everyday in the 365-days period, 3 semesters. Can you imagine the long lasting impression it has on me? I supposed in my life, I’ve always been filled with great friends. Friends I love, friends I care, friends I appreciate. And it ain’t easy to just bid goodbye in a day after all that has happened.Yesterday was crazy. Cat fights, screamings and shoutings. We’ve never been this crazy. I am sad to say I might no longer have the same class in the future. I might. Or at least I won’t have the whole class with me in Level 1, but the impact these people has made in my life – immeasureable.Looking back, time flies. I just thought I entered foundations a few days ago. I know I will sulk on how long classes will end but it is actually not about the classes I miss. It’s the people of the class; it’s fellowship that I miss.St John’s obviously had a longer lasting effect on me. Being a true proud Johannian, standing tall – something that made me who I now am.Eventhough APIIT does not have that same impact; the classmates had its impact. The lecturers had its impact – in its own ways (Not all lecturers, for sure).1 year sounds short, but it isn’t. At least it is enough for us to be really close to each other and knowing each other inside out. At least it is enough to make me sacrifice to do the whole of my groups last assignment (HAHA – i am not tagging gohboongee aite? =P). Education itself is not fun; but the life in education is fun because of the people.The joy and laughters, I’d never ever even wanna forget. The sarcasm – I will always remember.Despite us leaving to different paths, I know for sure that this me can never be me without you guys. I know I will not forget what we’ve all done (clean and dirty =P). I know for sure that you are in my thoughts. I am glad to at least have celebrated almost all you guys birthdays – uniquely.The pictures are now priceless.I am sure we will meet again. But whether or not it will be together or not; its a different issue.I’ve learnt well in this phase of life. Not as much as I’ve learnt in SJI but i’ve learnt well. I’ve grew from the innocent young boy to a youth who knows how to make decisions and who knows how to differentiate black and white. Thanks to the instuition and thanks to the people.It is not the work of the instituition alone. I am sure.The memories are vividly in my head; be it – SJI or UCFF0803 (Yes. I am still not mentioning APIIT till it changes my perception)Another part of life will begin soon. Very soon. Growing older, and hopefully wiser in many ways. I hope. I am willing to trade in anything for the happiness we’ve had together as a team; a class.I know this is long and messy. But I am writing whatever I can squeeze out from my brains.So, see ya peeps during exams! And haha, thank God for facebook (JUSTINE CHAN!!)!!! =)

Dun cry people, dun cry! =P

SJI 5/0


SJI 5/0