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He?
He gives me suprises when I least expects it.
What else can I ask for with them?
New layout. I don’t know when I will change this layout again but well..
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I know this is random. I am blogging for the sake of blogging today.. =P
I am waiting for Monday to come, but on the other hand, I am having a bad feeling- i miss my school! I will. I will no longer step into the classroom anymore, eat the rotten canteen food, be scolded by teachers, by having to sit outside the class for not finishing up my work *oppps*, by listening to Peter Yii’s nagging etc etc. I am gonna miss ST JOHN’S INSTITUTION of Kuala Lumpur. A place where I grew up in. For the past 11 years on that hill, I have been through a lot. Many good and bad times happened on the hill itself. All in all, I MISS SCHOOL. Apart from that, I will miss my teachers especially a few of them namely Pn Norra, Pn Norbani, Pn Vijaya and a few of them. I have seen them almost everyday for the past 2 years and I am feeling uneasy.
I don’t want to cry when I leave this Monday but inside me, I will miss my school, my teachers and most importantly, MY CLASSMATES. We’ve been through thick and thin for the past 2 years in the same class. We played trick on teachers, we manipulate the teachers, we ‘pakat’ not to do school work and all that has happened for the past 2 years. It is the most fun years in my schooling life. Those experiences are just fabulous. Now I wish I can be in school more often. Now I wish i did not ponteng so much. I really miss going to school!
Well, from 7 years old till 17 years old now being in that small little hill has entirely change my mind. I have changed to be a more matured person as I grew older and older. I see those small little changes inside me that has changed me for life. I definitly don’t mind coming back to school once in a while to see the school and the teachers. Teachers, please don’t leave!!~
Back to my friends, I hope we can still meet each other as and when possible. Yeah, we will not meet each other with school uniforms anymore but well, I wish we can get together sometime because I really do miss you guys so much! How would life be without you guys? I know I will have a new batch of friends when I am in uni or college but yeah, you guys will never be forgotten.
And to those who have been with me since primary school like Chiu, Justin, Tay, Yap and Harith- things will never change and we will remains best friends forever. Encouraging each other and making fun of each other for the past 11 years. It was not easy to maintain such a long friendship but everything done was definitly worth it! Justin, I still want my angpaus! Tay, I still want oranges! Chiu, i still need those lil favours like reload and all =P Yap, i still want those how are you phone calls. Harith, yeah keep on nudging me on msn! =)
So, 2 more days in school and thats it. Everything in high school is over for me at least all I have to settle with the school is jst my SPM results and forecast and report card! So, St John’s may not have a link with me anymore but it will always have a special place in my heart. Wherever I go, I am still a Johannian.
Once a Johannian, Forever a Johannian!
Our Father knows what’s best for us
Hebrews 11:1- Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see
At times, I wished I had the self control over the things that I do and I feel. Feelings comes naturally and I sometimes fail to see and do what is right. I wished that feelings were something that I can control easily and not something that controls me easily. For I know when it controls me, it affects the people around me too.
All in all, I was not right to dislike people I know. Not even to discriminate people. I am learning from all the things that has happened lately. I know sometimes it will cause pain to me but I have to learn or else I know things will not be good.
Sometimes, I really hope to know what I am doing. I don’t want to be ‘grey’. But on the other hand, can someone just put him/herself in my shoes and see things the way I see sometimes. I really hope there is such a ‘someone’ who understand and care for me as much as I care for him/her maybe?
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On the other hand, SPM is pretty near. I know. I am trying too no matter how emotional things can get. I have never studied so many hours in a day. Really. Well, there are so many things yet to be covered and I know I am in hot soup.
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I don’t know what I was typing. If it makes no sense, forget about it =S
I was really tired. I came home at 11plus on Saturday after ROCK ANNIVERSARY (considering early) and just thought I just wanted to be alone and just pray for ROCK SUNDAY and just get to bed. But my mind was already wandering, I ended up praying till I fell asleep. But I woke up early on Sunday to just say a short prayer and commit everything to Him. And indeed, He worked miracles.
We were all so tired after Anniversary and yet we managed to pull it through with God-given strength.It’s just amazing how God works in the youths. We may be young but that does not hinder us from worshipping the Lord and to serve Him. I am more than happy to say that everything went on really well for ROCK SUNDAY. We were a bit late but nevertheless, it’s alrite. =)
But I am just annoyed at several things. I am pissed to be exact.
Next thing, I hate taking up the blame for something that I have said and done but some other people just refuse to cooperate. I specifically told someone to announce in the bulletin and church that there is no ROCK for that Sunday but it was never done. And people were coming back whacking me and all and claimed that Alvin as the Publicity Head didn’t do his part. I mean come on! I said it as early as 2 weeks ago. And for that, people who waited in Shalom Hall aimlessly blamed the poor Publicity Head. What nonsense is this that i have to bear and take? And furthermore, why publicity is to get such things when President or someone else they don’t ask? Why me?
And I hate those who come late. To be honest, this has been a big issue in ROCK lately. People are coming later and later. My worship team in ROCK should know that I will surely get mad if they are late. Fine, I give you some grace period but not to the extent of 15 minues. If you are stuck somewhere, call and explain. Why must you expect someone else to call you and ask you where you are and all. You are at fault so why someone else must waste that few cents to call you. Who do you think you are? Yes, we are improving on a better note but that doesn’t mean we are perfect yet. There is so much room for improvement.
What got me really upset was this. BL came today- just to give me some support and to just put a smile on my face. He came as a pleasant suprise. He never told me he would turn up and he didn’t message me on Sat either. I was shocked to see him right before i go up on stage. Things were cool until after church. We went out with some ROCKers. And they asked me and him to go for lunch and wait for them while they check something out. So we did. And this people can just give us a call and tell us that they are going to Pavilion without even coming to look for us at the restaurant. I mean they asked us to wait for them in McD and yet they can just go somewhere without waiting or without coming to inform us. I was really unhappy. BL was really pissed. He actually washed his hands and just walked off and told me he wanted to go home. I have not even finished my meals actually. I ran after him and he kinda got me away and told me he wants to be alone and he can’t tolerate it. And thereafter, all plans ruined. We went on seperate ways. And just gave him some air to breathe until he replied me again sometime later.
I felt guilty because he was here to make me happy and I can’t in return make him happy. And it is something i got no control over but they are my friends. Was worried about him. Really was. Well, we both needed some time. I needed time to be alone over some other stuffs as well. Things just ended up being pretty bad. I don’t know who to blame. But I blamed myself.
Maybe he was joking but yes what he told me just few days ago was so true-I can never find another brother like him. It’s hard to find. And when I was asking him whether I found one true one, he just asked me what do I think? Obvious ain’t it? He fetches me all over and gives me suprises etc etc. But I guess he brought me much joy lately. And I really hope I’d get a chance to make him really happy. And maybe to give him suprises. I don’t know. Am in a confuse mood right now. Still am although things are much more settled. =(
Met her after that. A last minute thing. Made me happy but I could have been hapier if those things above never happened. I don’t know how to look at things the positive side lately. I just don’t. And it has been tough. Really tough. Trials starts again tomoro and yet I am typing this long long blog.
Have been skipping school last few weeks. I only went 1day out of the whole last week. Imagine that? I know I made the decision to skip but I need time alone to do solid studies. And I need some time for myself to just relax myself. I need some sort of entertainment or something fun that I can do. At least something that makes me happy once again like how happy I used to be.
SPM is just about a month away and nothing is prepared. All i know that it is coming but yet I still fool around. I have to really give my all now. I have no other choices. It is either good or bad results and it is obvious I want the good results. I don’t know whether my brain still funtions after so much break but I wished it still is. With my terrible mood, I am trying. Trying and giving my all.
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Life for me has been like a roller coaster. Going up and down and up again. Exams are near and I have not covered all I need to cover. I have been trying to push myself. I study every night without fail unless I have a function to attend. No matter how much I am reading and doing, it doesn’t seem to enter? Or has it enter? I don’t know. But I can’t seem to remember what I have studied. To some extent, I get frustrated and annoyed easily because I can’t seem to understand what I have learnt. I know it’s some sort of last minute study but my sciences is so weak. I am frustrated. So frustrated and sometimes I jsut have to stop, and get some fresh air and just sleep and pray!
I have been sleeping a lot lately. I don’t know why. It is just lately that I sleep so much. Weird rite?
Trials and Diagnostic are up in the coming weeks. I gotta keep myself with the books. In some other words, make love with my books. At least until the day I get my freedom. =(
Everyone knows (most of the people in my life) knows how much and how desperate I am to live school but yet a feeling of missing things and a feeling of uncertainties strikes me. I don’t know what awaits me after this. But the fact that I am sure I won’t be studying in my school really strikes me. It is less than 3 more months, I’d be leaving the school and I am having a mixture of feelings. I am not going back to Form 6 because of personal reasons. But 1 thing remains- it is not because of the school. My school reigns supreme and no one stands anyone to say anything about it.
Just spend a minute or two being me. And imagine this- I walk down the Bukit Nanas hill for the past 11 years. And my dad fetches me to school up the hill every morning. Imagine what my life would be next year when I don’t have to travel walking around the hill? Just imagine. It may be a lil tiring but it has become a routing; a part of my life already. I can’t imagine myself next eyar walking to a college not dressed in uniform.
St John’s is a school that I have chosen BY MYSELF. NO ONE ELSE! I was the one who said NO to Hang Tuah and YES to SJI. And it is one of the BEST decision I have ever made in my life. I insisted on St John’s. I somehow feel belonged being in SJI instead of Hang Tuah. I thank my parents for being supportive at that time. And I have never regretted the choice I made.
It is amazing how God has been working miraculously in my life for the past 11 years protecting me and showing me His grace and mercy. God has been good in showering His blessings upon me in my 11 years of schooling in St John’s. He has shown me what school is all about; what friends are for and most importantly how teachers impact our lives! Without Him, life in school wouldn’t be fun. I may feel ‘out’ at times but I know I was never lonely because my friends are always by my side to cheer me up and to bring joy and colours into my life. Life in school or even life itself, generally is NEVER A BED OF ROSES! But it isn’t full with thorns either!~
I do scared I would be ALL BY MYSELF when I leave school. I am not exactly scared but I do have such a feeling. Not because I can’t mix around and all but things would change. And it is like starting all over again from scratch. And it somehow hits me.Writing this do cause me some pain and cause me to think a lot. Things are just passing by my mind and I can’t stop thinking about how much life would change when i step out of St John’s Institution. I know life will definitly change and I need to re adjust my life ALL OVER AGAIN.
IT IS COMING TO AN END. WHAT AWAITS ME THERE? =S
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