Well, ask me if I am happy? I can tell you for now, I think I am.

Life in college.

Honestly, I hesitate in going back to an education institution after the nice relaxing 4 months break from books. However, I went back to APIIT UCTI located in Techonology Park Malaysia, Bukit Jalil. I hate the travelling. I really do. Imagine me going to Pandan Jaya LRT Station and to Chan Sow Lin Station and back to Bukit Jalil. All the hustle bustle that I have to go through to and fro?

Life in College is pretty fun. I am no lying. I thank God I got a super loud, noisy, talkative class. Okay, we are the noisiest tutorials you can ever find in my whole intake.

I know I am famous for not writing nice posts.

I gotta admit, I was disappointed. I was unhappy. I was upset. I was jealous.
I was wondering why in the world I would do so poorly in my SPM examination. My mind was just blanked a moment when I first got the results from Ms Chan. I admit, I had high expectations over myself and sometimes too high for myself to even achieve it.

When I first started looking at other friend’s results, it sounded okay. It looked okay actually. So I thought I won’t do too badly. But well, at the end, I still think I fared badly.

I have told myself that I will not complain whatever that I am going to get and just to give thanks. So, I was trying. Trying. That whole night I didn’t rest. I was feeling bad. Feeling guilty that with such results, I can’t apply for scholarships. All I do is to wonder around the same bush which brought me no where and I ended up dreaming. Sounds pathetic, doesn’t it.

All in all, I only got 3A1s, 1A2, 2B3s, 3C5s. It’s pretty disappointed isn’t it. All my Sciences got C. Well, the most disappointed thing was that my 1119 was an A2 and my Maths was A2. After so much hard work, that’s the results I got. Not exactly ‘much hard work’ but I did put in hard work. I really wanna thank people like Teacher Esther, Uncle Philip, Elizabeth and all for their great help! And most importantly thank the bro, OBL who was spending some time with me doing last minute revisions. i truly appreciate that a lot. He was my source of encouragement, though he did hurt me at some point of time, he did a lot for me too.

I am still disappointed. But I am now officially a student of APIIT UCTI doing some foundation to path my way towards a Diploma. It would take approximately 3years and 9 months. I still wished things could get better..

No one will ever understand what I am going through this time. I once thought to myself that the SPM period was tough but this is tougher. This is not about exams. This is about feelings, emotions and anything else in common. I know I got missing in the blogging arena for quite some time because I am just too lazy to pour out my thoughts already. I am tired of doing so. Repeating the same old thing and I wonder whether people still reads my blog?

I sometimes wonder why I can sacrifice so much towards the one I love. I really question myself. I’ve not been sleeping really well, honestly. I am so tired. My mind keeps thinking, questioning and answering and it is really bothering when you are so freaking tired. It ain’t no fun. I wish I can just smack everything down at you guys’ face and say goodbye but I can’t.

Protecting feelings of the one you love ain’t easy. You hide, you manipulate and do all kind of nonsense just to protect him and her. It is sometime so ridiculous when you think back but yet, you still did it. I admit, I am emotionally wounded. I wished someone could just stand by me and put him or herself in my shoes to really understand me.

I don’t know why I give hope to myself when sometimes I know it is the end. I wished the both of them would one day come back to me and apologise for wht they have done and give me their best. Dreaming, I know. But yet I give myself that pathetic hope. I wished I had a time machine with me. The first thing I would do with it is to put myself back into 2006.

I gotta admit. I miss both of them so damn much! So so so damn much. Life without them is disastrous I would say. It is empty. They used to fill my life with so much joy but things will never be the same. It’s hurting here so deep yet I am holding on, still getting stuffs for them. It is starting to make me really weak. My laughter will never be real if I am gonna lose them. I am never gonna forget any of them and my heart will never ever change. I hope if he doesnt reads this, she does. And this sis really does mean something to me.

Waiting and waiting and waiting aimlessly.. :'(

As much as I hate this someone, I want this someone to msg me NOW!

I am so frustrated over what this person has done to me for the past 1 year. Not that I am not forgiving but somethings that is done is really hard to take it in. It ain’t easy. And yes, I still care and love like I do.

Sometimes, people just like to take you for granted. They don’t care about how you feel. When you start taking initiative, they give you cold replies. They act like they don’t give you a damn. But when you don’t care, they start to show that they care. And that actually pissess me off.

Some people also only care about you when it benefits them. When you are able to give them everything they want, they won’t mind doing anything for you. Well, some people would also not appreciate you for all that you have done and in return, condemn you.

Some people are just plain selfish. They never care about how people feel. All they know is to piss you off and say sorry. And the sorry means nothing to me. Seriously.

At this point, I wished that someone would changed into a person he/she used to be. It’s hard to take in that after all that I have done, it’s all back to zero. I don’t know how to forgive. It’s not like I don’t want too. It’s tough.

Somehow, it’s frustrating and annoying me. Even children can ask me whether I am alright this morning. Is starting to get freaking obvious on my face that I don’t care anymore and that i am not in good terms. Why show that I am happy when I am not. I know my smiles are fake. My laughters are all made up. The real me has lost his confidence in having such relationships anymore. I am starting to give up. I don’t know what choice I have. But I wished I had a choice? And even the employer asked me if I am alright last few days. Is it that obvious? I wished it wasn’t too.

Forgive me, my dear friends!

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Happy 104th Birthday to St John’s Institution, Kuala Lumpur

I have mentioned I miss high school. And I don’t want to waste time bragging about it already.

My alma mater, ST JOHN’S INSTITUTION celebrated it’s 104th birthday on the 18th January 2008. I went back to school and was very pleased being able to meet some ex classmates and teachers. I miss them all. All in all, I miss school and friends.

FRUSTRATED. ANNOYED.

That is all that I am feeling at this point of time.

No point talking about it because I am pissed.

The fact that I wanna post a picture of a nice personalised beaded chained for you guys to see, but I am too lazy to do it. It was by CWMY… =)

That was the nicest Christmas gift I have received so far i suppose. And I love it. I see it everyday yet i dunno where and when to use it. Ehehehehe. Well, there is a necklace I bought for someone too but i am again lazy to post up any of the pictures. Feeling lethargic and moody =(

I am officially working. In a place where many people wanna work there- STARBUCKS! Well, it is cool working there. You see many people in and out tht cafe and you see plenty of people with their own characters and all too. Sometimes, they’d really give you a hard time. Nevertheless, the staff there are pretty cool and yeah, we have fun while we work. Now I know how to make drinks.. Grrr.. lots to memorize actually…Ain’t easy but holding on… =) Well, i don’t want to be getting paid for nothing also. So, I am trying to be a ‘good staff’ =P. Working there means I get privileges. When i work 8 hours a day, I get 3 beverages or more. I get to eat while I work and do sampling and also work around Berjaya Times Square like ordinary people.

Initially, i just wasnt used to the apron and cap, but things are now fine.. =) Got my first pay that day and yeah, spending everything really soon… On someone elses.. Haih… But my second pay is going to come soon anyway.. heeh heeh… =)

Yeah, all in all.. I am having lots of fun.. real fun

To those who are starting college real soon, all the best. I am missing my classmates and her too. And him.. God knows why i have such a loving heart and I am missing everybody.. HAIH..

I know I put aside blogging for some time. Have been extremely busy with so many things and to the point where I am soon going to break down. Those who thinks that I am weak inside, yes you are absolutely right! I hide everything I dislike and tries to please everybody even at the expense of my own feelings. And everytime I reaches home, i never failed to question myself and to sometimes cry over spilt milk and over other peoples’ mistakes.

Being a leader for such a huge event, a 9am-9pm event, ain’t easy especially when it is a youth event. Many aspects have to be taken care of and I admit I am NO superman. A youth event is tough to handle and now I am handling one. Sometimes, in the process, i do feel lonely, I feel discouraged and of course, I feel proud to be given this opportunity to handle such and event but things just don’t goes well ALL THE TIME.

Everytime at night, I throw everything out sometimes to HER and HIM but it doesnt mean they both takes it in ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, they get you even more pissed on the way. Well, I am tired but still holding on to the promises that God will make a way for this.

I just dislike it when you guys come to me for everything even when it is your work. I don’t see a point of doing that. I have delegated everything out and you still come back to me to help this and that. It is sometimes frustrating that you guys cant stand on your feet to do what you are expected to do. Really. I am just frustrated. If everyone comes to me doing the same thing, I would have gone mad or crazy etc etc.. Think about that?

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I hate you being demanding. I hate you for being dependent on me. I hate you for throwing ur tantrums at me all the FREAKING time when I don’t agree or do what you want me to do when wht you are supposed to do IS YOUR JOB. I hate it when you threatened me.

I am offended with how you show me your hot temper and kept demanding for things that you have no right to demand to from me. I just dislike it that you are trying to show me faces. I am mean here but I just dislike this ‘NEW’ or ‘TEMPORARY’ you lately.. =(

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As for her, still coping…

Things are fine with us. sill loving her like I have always been and she in return.

Learning to give and take is part of the process..

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My current plans and jobs?

Working in Starbucks till March, i supposed. Working there is quite fun, seriously. A little tired but things are fine. =)

Wasn’t working yesterday. Went out with BL to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks in TS. Played few rounds of pool before walking around aimlessly like we liked doing all the time. Had fun with him, had lunch with him. Basically 55% od my yesterday was with him.. =)

Thanks bro…