Added additional joy and happiness into my day. Was amazed time flies when you are enjoying someone’s presence.

When I reached home, I receive an SMS from him. This time was from Sarveen. Saying things that he seldom says just made me laugh to myself. And the things he said was comforting. I really do appreaciate that. And how the heck you would feel that you are neglecting me? Never. You won’t dare anyways. He always laugh, laugh and laugh for no reasons. I wanted to post his pics but I don’t have any with me.

And yeah, a day of great feeling. A day of great joy. They make my life meant so much more. I feel appreciated; i felt loved. I thank you people (the 3) for all your time and care and concern. It made my day. Undeniably, one of my best days in the past few months. =)

Yeah. SC. I know you are so gonna complain. Wait. One day a post just for the Preety Gorgeous Chuah Su Chen. =D Just some random stuffs from me:I am gonna be LEGALLY LEGAL in like a few days time. It really feels that I am age-ing. Not a very good sign indeed. I start to think that yesterday was a great start to my week.YOU CAN GIVE WITHOUT LOVING, YOU CANNOT LOVE WITHOUT GIVING

The word SIGNIFICANCE came into my mind today. Have you ever thought if you are a significant person? Or have you ever pondered if you are significant in the eyes of someone? I used to be so significant in some people’s life but it no longer is as time passes by. You know when you are significant. And you know when you are not significant. The time when you are NOT SIGNIFICANT is when something happened. Is when some disastrous things happens in your life or someone elses lives. Ironically, nothing lasts forever in this world. Everything in this world will fade eventually. I do think that being having significance is important. I wished I could maintain how significant I used to be in someone’s life. I want to be significant in their life. All I hold on to is I know that I am significant in the eyes of the LORD. Well, textbook answers says that. Sometimes I do ponder myself, How can I be more significant? Is significance that important? My mind needs to stop wondering and focus on my Malaysian Studies finals tomorrow. I am halfway through the Comfort Women topic. Argh.

Had a long and dreadful night last night I’d say. Came home and all tired. Was putting my sister to bed. And the moment I thought she slept, I climbed into my double-decker bed. Just the moment I lied down. My sister from below started calling my name. She started crying. I went all the way down again. She cried for an hour or so. Made foolish promises such as buying her Famous Amos, Baskin Robbins and so on(Reminder: she’s just a 9 year old kid) just to made her sleep. She misses mum. She misses dad. I too can say I miss them too. She cried for so long that I had to lie beside her sleeping on the floor. Her tears made me wanna cry too but well, still controllable. Sleeping on the floor is no joke. Trust me. And when she finally slept, I went back to sleep. Just the moment I was deeply asleep, she woke me up for the toilet. Wells, had to go out and all with her once again and tried sleeping again. I slept till 9am till morning which was quite a record because I seldom wakes up this late. Anyways, about 2 weeks more to go.

But today, I made her sleep early. She is soundly asleep now. Hope to get some test before FINALS commences tomorrow.

Feel me. Touch me. Ask me. This heart here is empty. So empty.
Feeling the pain, the guilt, the lost. Everything in it is so negative.
Trying so hard to get it back positive is tough at times.

Just sent my parents to the airport. 3 weeks without them would be a torture.
It is so different. I don’t know why I am getting emotional. Well, everytime they leave for weeks, I sure do get emotional. Maybe I am scared.

Before dad and mom left, they told me many things as the oldest son. The will. The ICs. The accounts. So on and so forth. I feared. I feared that I’d never see them. I am worried. I don’t know what will happen. But telling me all those adds pressure. Adds torture. But I know they sure are in God’s hands. I definitly miss seeing them. But wells, 3 weeks please end soon!

Can’t help but to be emo for real. It’s seldom I am emo. But well, I am. At least for tonight?

It’s empty deep down inside.

Ku Mohon – Sheila Majid

I’ve come to a point to see that life is really unfair at times. I used to hear about it so much. So much. But I refused to accept the fact that life is unfair. Foolish isn’t it? Certain people who deserves nothing but ignorance; i give them full care, full attention. It’s so hard to chance how you care for one in split seconds. It is basically impossible. Reality strikes that life is really unfair. No one has the same looks, same attitudes, same style. Everyone has something different to offer. But my resistance to change is what that is annoying me. I basically hate this strong will of mine to give in or to give up. I tried so hard yet it was back to square one. Accepting the fact that life is unfair is easy; adapting to the changes is tough. Like I said, I am getting old. Old people hates changes.

I’ve been busy celebrating my advance birthday as my parents are leaving for Praque tomorrow. You may think it is freedom; as many thinks so. But i think their absence brings inconvenience to me and somehow my family. I find that I lose my pillar of support and strength during their absence. Sitting for exams will also be a miserable misery during this point of time. Like it or not; Convenience or troublesome- I still have to go through it. No one to get me from LRT and all. I will suffer for the few days I suppose. Or perhaps plus minus 3 weeks?

Yesterday I had my advanced birthday with my uncle. We had steamboat at home as it was upon my request. Lately I just go crazy over steamboat. Just now, I had another session with my Grandfather and Aunty. Nothing special but it was the heart that counts and nothing else. I look forward to my birthday but I don’t look forward to ageing. Life gets tougher as I get older.

I know I am a great procrastinator. No one can beats me. I’ve told myself to open and run through the Maths notes today. But I did absolutely nothing today when I know I freaking suck at Mathematics. I don’t know how I am going to sit for the test but I really need to buck up and keep promises to myself. Why do I always bother keeping promises of others when I can’t keep my own promise? Sleeping the whole day makes me a good pig. I was suprised at how much I slept today. I seldom been able to sleep so much. Or perhaps I didn’t really get my fair share of sleep last night? I am not sure.

I really want to write some notes down for certain people. Don’t ask me who if the names are not mentioned. Don’t ask why for I will not tell you either. Some notes for some important people.

Miss SC:
Someone I’ve always look for when i am in need. Sometimes taken her for granted. Sometimes annoyed and pissed her off but she was always there. Someone who is ready to listen absolutely anytime anyday. A nice girl that can’t be found anywhere. I can never thank her enough for her availability for me at all times. I wished sometimes I’ve never took her for granted. But she is definitly someone I cherish a lot.

Mr Lil S:
Someone I’ve always been crapping a lot with lately. His jokes and phrases never fails to amuse me and make me laugh. A great joker and someone I do love and care for. Having him in my life brightens my day. He keeps his promises all the time. =)

Mr I:
Someone who has changed quite a lot since I knew him a few years ago. His priorities now are so different. Talking to him is so tough. He does annoy me but nevertheless, someone whom I have no control over since Day 1. Strong in opinions and thoughts although might not be right all the time. But I seldom talk to him now. Or perhaps I don’t.

Miss S:
A nice young little girl. I said that she is not innocent but she claims that innocence is the last word I’d like to use to describe her. She is intelligent. Chatting with her makes me feels useless at times but she is good at and tries to patch up things all the single time which I refuse at times. I am sorry for that but somethings can’t be rush on my side. Sometimes being annoyed by me. All in all, she likes to SS but she is good enough to SS =)

Mr A:
Someone who is more busy than I am. Nevertheless, I hear from him from time to time and he’s so crazy and passionate over ‘certain’ things =D

Mr B:
I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to get emo over it. If he doesn’t want to patch things up then let’s just say goodbye. I know my patience are running low. But missing him in my life brings great pain.

Some-College-Friends:
All I can say this great family that I am in jst never stopped caring for one another and boosting each other up during each other’s time of miseries.

These are just some thoughts I would like to pen down.

I realise that I am one who gets contented easily. I mean really easily. People have been telling me that it is never enough and they think that everyone in general always ask for more. However, it differs here. I think that I am a guy who is easily contented with what I have. I see money as a necessity but I seldom ask for more unless I really need it. I see gadgets as a waste of cash. Movies as a waste of time. I can go without cool gadgets and movies. I get so easily contented.

Now is a point where I wonder whether getting easily contented is a good or bad thing? You’d think it is good but to some extent, I’d say it is bad. Now I realise I am on a relaxing mode when I realise my assignments grades are good. And I am suprise, really good in fact. And there I go, procrastinating all my work and studies. Now you say it is good?

I know it is good to get easily contented but not too contented I suppose. I am not putting aside my MP4. Can you imagine that? I thought it came as a new toy but I suppose it isn’t. My sister is the one playing with it most of the time. I find it complicated. I find it a hassle to bring it here and there. And now it is lying on my table. And I wonder when I will take the time to explore this new toy of mine. It doesn’t really matter if I use this new toy though.

It is good to be content and to appreciate what you have. Some people keep demanding for the most branded items, most cool gadgets, most expensive tshirts, most humoungous cars and so on. I mean- what is the point? Life is meant to be enjoyed but not to such an extent sometimes. Some people should really learn to save. But wells, my point here is not about saving money but it is about being content and to appreciate what you have.

Of APIIT, i went to pay money this afternoon. And the stupid cashier refuse my cheque because it was too early for the payment of my 2nd semester. Is APIIT somehow crazy for not wanting cash?

And they found our assignments after much lectures and complains from us. I got an A. I got A+ for my OSE Presentation too. Which makes me get content even easier. I might think that I dont have o study for finals. Hmph!

I am still in pieces right now. Thinking so much of how things will be and all. I miss someone. I can’t help but to think about this someone everytime I do well in my results or so because I used to tell this someone everything. Trying to put myself into pieces =S

No one can express how frustrated and pissed off I was yesterday in college. Thanks to the administrative staffs of Asia Pacific University College of Innovation Technology. I(We) have been bottling up our pathetic feelings and sometimes I find it so hard to let go as they are still the admin staffs. But well, people just don’t realise that working attitudes are so important.

I honestly got annoyed and pissed (not emo) about them. It was when I gladly followed instructions to submit my Extenuating Circumstances (EC) Form because I was absent from college and I missed my Mathematics Test. I told my lecturer before hand and it was then an agreement that I was allowed to sit for the test the next class held. However, when I was back. The lecturer went missing. And laltey I’ve heard news that he is in LimKokWing. And my new permanent lecturer only came in like 2 weeks later. I did my job by asking him for a resit. He told me to see the admin because it was not the correct procedure.

And so I did. And now, one month later, my EC Application Result is out. Thursday they gave me a call to say that it has been approved. Friday I went to collect the letter of approval to resit. To my suprise, the result of my EC was upheld. And to resit I was required to pay a sum of RM 80. And then I walked back to my class from the main campus which was like 5minutes walk because my class was there. I got to be a little annoyed. Thereafter, when I reached my class, I saw that the letter wrote that it is Mathematics Assignment. So I double check with my Programme Leader if it was the same. She said NO! So, I walked back to the Admin office at the main campus again. I waited for the whole freaking 30minutes for the lady to attend to me.

And when they saw me, they double check the file, true enough. Their mistake. Firstly, it got me real pissed that I have to pay RM 80 even with a letter from the church for a valid reason and promised made by my previous lecturer. Secondly, I have to walk here and there as if the campus is just next to each other. Thirdly, the I have to return the letter and wait for a new one and I still have to pay RM 80.

Is the college punishing me for some promises they made? I have no idea. But the college should know that it is the lecturer’s fault to promise me for a resit. It has got nothing to do with me. And now innocently, I have to fork out a big sum of RM 80 for the test. I mean fork out from my pocket money because I don’t want my parents to make a big fuss out of it. But again, they are punishing me for their mistakes and promises AGAIN!

Everytime we hand in our assignments into the Admin Office, the attitude given to us is just freaking terrible. Sometimes, even we cannot take it. Handing in assignments for me and my coursemates are like a relieve of our effort and there they are showing us all kinds of ridiculous faces and manners.Do they even have some manners to at least to their job with a smile? Fine. No greetings and all but just do it well. No asking us to wait for hours and so on. It is sometimes so frustrating.

While I was waiting for the lady to check my EX thingy, the lady was free. So me and Stephanie actually asked for our PDSM Assignment worth 50%. PDSM Lecturer also left us after taking in our assignments. Our new lecturer says it is with the admin, they will be seeing us next week. And week after week. The same thing happened. So we asked. The girl initially told us that it will be out a few days time. Fine. Few minutes later, she told me her collagues told her that the assignment is not with the admin. They need time to look for it. Give them a few more days.

I was so close to bursting. First, our assignments is not with the current lecturer, not with the admin, no marks released. So where the heck is the assignment handed in like 2 months ago? I was like, ‘Excuse me, give me a break! It is my final day in Semester 1. Is this how you are treating me?’. I jsut couldnt help but walked off. My EC is stucked. Or perhaps the RM80 will fly away. I am so broke now especially. My Assignment is yet to be found. I feel so demotivated being at the position at that time.

My mind was filled with questions: What a college I am in. I was just wondering to myself. How am I gonna survive here another 3 years more? And worst still, now I lose another RM 80. I am really officially broke.

On the lighter note, I got my new toy: mp4 today. I am clueless how to operate it yet but will do asap. It is a complicated toy I suppose. For my advance birthday gift. And have also been receiving angpaus already for my birthday as an advanced. I feel a lil fortunate and blessed although the trips I want didn’t came through yet. But well, I am contented. For now. At least. The biggest gift I’d still want is just someone’s heart. Argh. Forget it. But I am gonna be legally legal really soon. My dad was just saying that I’d get my own car in my 21st birthday. I know it’s late but better than nothing.

I am shifting house around September or October. Nightmare begins. But a more comfortable and wide place. I do look forward! =)

Semester 2 will hopefully be a better semester. I hope I get enough rest during the buffle week next week. I still crave for my holiday during my birthday weekend.

Give me a break
Get off my back
Give me a day to stay on the rack

*Being 18 is no joke. Now I start to feel that I am really ageing. Life is what I am looking forward to. 18 years of God’s grace and mercy just amazes me. His protection, His care, His love; I am amazed.=)

I am more relaxed now after finishing the OSE Group Assignment on Starbucks. We wrote a whole lot of 50 pages of assignment and it still seems so unbelievable to me that we did all of that in 2 weeks. Now you know how much effort we put in into the whole load of assignment which worth only 20 marks. Call us kiasu or foolish for putting in so much but getting so little. I felt a sense of satisfaction. My mind wasn’t much about the scores actually. It was just a matter of satisfaction that the few of us can work that out in like 10 days. I find everyone in the team is amazingly unique. We pour in ideas, we threw out questions, we work hard and of course we play hard. I forgot how I managed to be the Team Leader for this Assignment but all in all, it was fun and worth it. If we get an A+, we get it. If we don’t, I suppose I am self-satisfied and the rest are too. We may be disappointed but I know we’ve put in our best effort to compile and write it. It wasn’t easy to write so much. We weren’t even used to it. The topics were so broad. But nevertheless, it was a team effort that I should praise and boast about. Not one’s effort but everyone’s hard work. Now you see a reason for me not blogging the past 2 days?

This symbolises that I am over and done with assignments for Semester 1. I still have 2 tests; namely- Mathematics and English Language Speaking Test which is tomorrow. I am quite relaxed for the Speaking Test but nervous for the Mathematics. I suck at Maths. I mean for real. I’ve never done well for my Mathematics anyways. But giving my best is what I always tell myself. I may not do well at the end of the road, but my best is what I am proud of. I still see Semester 1 as a very relaxed semester as I know there are more torturing semesters to come; which means visiting the admin more often for assignments. I am in a dilemma as to whether I should be excited for my Semester 2. I see Semester 2 as a tougher semester. I see Semester 2 as another change of timetable. I see Semester 2 subjects as funny. I see that some people *hint hint* would be leaving. I am excited to see new lecturers although I miss the old ones. Now you tell me, how should I feel. My loyal readers should know I hate changes. Anyways, like it or not, I have to move up into another level. I can’t be staying at Foundation Semester 1 forever.

I was just thinking of doing some overview of my current position for my marks for the individual subjects for Semester 1. Laugh at all the funny subjects that I am doing. I know it’s some pointless stuffs. But classes and syllabus has been interesting. Sometimes I think that it is too easy that I take it lightly and end up I screw the whole thing up. So, I decided not to take things lightly although I can choose to crap for all of it. Let’s take a view

ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Writing Skills- */15%
Speaking Skills- */15%
Reading Skills- */10%
Listening Skills- 9/10%
Final Exam- */50%

MATHEMATICS
Test 1- */35%
Test 2- */35%
Assignment 1- 13/15%
Assignment 2- */15%

ORGANISATIONAL AND SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT (OSE)
Individual Assignment- 18-19/20%(unsure but it is A+)
Group Assignment- */20%
Final Exam- */60%

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND STUDY METHODS (PDSM)
Individual Assignment- */50%
Final Exam- */50%

MALAYSIAN STUDIES
Test- 14.5/20
Group Assignment- 26/30
Final Exam- */50

I’ve come to realise that the most outstanding result now is Malaysian Studies. I am laughing to myself. I mean that is the subject I should do worst in but now it looks okay to me. Well, I shall not take things for granted but to do more than just this. I mean this is no longer high school where I can fool myself and take things easy. This is like my tertiery education which will permanently determine my future. I know the subjects are funny but it may not be as simple as you see it. And the best part is Semester 2, I have a subject called Communication Skills which I have done in Personal Development and Study Methods. *laughs even more*

As for college life, I think it has start to fall in place into my daily routine. The lack of sleep still bothers me but the travelling is much more like-a-norm for me thing. Reading the newspapers and listening to mp3 is what I have been doing in the train. Quoting the pretty SC, ‘Taking train is boring and it sucks’. She said something like that but I forgot the exact phrase. She will say that she is too pretty that I foget everything. Fine. If that makes you happy.. =)

I can’t wait for the buffle week next week for a better rest and study time. I really hope to get some real rest before finals that falls on the following week and all. It’s finals I am saying; I shall not get easily contented but to spur on harder. However, buffle week still has it’s own stupid replacement classes. I see that the college is punishing us for the lecturer’s absentees. If the lecturer is on MC or on leave, they want to do replacement classess during buffle week. What if I am sick, does that lecturer replaces the classes for me? It’s such a one-way thing which I was expressing to Ms Shamini the other day. It is like the college is punishing us for the leturer’s or college fault. Does it work if we handed in our assignments and the lecturer or administrator lost it? Our fault again? Re-do? I can’t imagine.

I said I wanted to blog about snatch thieves the last post. I am keeping my promises again. Snatch thieves has been apart of me (us) leaving in Malaysia. I mean snatch thieves and robbery are so common lately. It’s like you look ask your neighbour, they have either been robbed or snatched before. And when you ask around your classmates and all, they tell you miserable story of snatch thieves. Is this what a developing country all about? I’d blame it all to the political and economical situation of the country. Costs are rising, people are suffering- can anyone ever read us?

People used to survive with 10 bucks, now even 50 bucks is insufficient. It comes to me as a sad tragedy to see this happening in Malaysia. People are all suffering and making meets end for their own and their family. I can tell you i can barely survive with RM40 for 5 days. I used to make it. But no longer now. I see the rich geting richer, the poor getting poorer. I don’t know and don’t care which category I am in but I am definitly not in the rich getting richer. Even if you call me rich, I am not getting richer. Everyone is expressing their dissatisfaction, but no one seems to listen to civilians like us.

This is where robberies and snatch thieves happens. People are struggling with their lives and so for their family, be it old or young. Why is this happening? I was so into blogging about this because I think there is a need for people to becareful; to watch out for their own personal safety.

My uncle was just telling us the other day about an incident around his house. This is my Navy-working-uncle. Being a retired Navy, they are cruel people. I don’t deny that because we areall afraid of him at times although we know he doesnt harm us. His loud voice can scare you away. He was telling us that one of the day, he was up in his teres house balcony. He was just doing some flowering or stuffs. He saw his neighbour Mdm X walked out. An indian guy came asking for a plant outside the house. Asking for permission. And Mdm X was kinda reluctant but allowed. And she took for the guy. My uncle was wondering why that guy would want the plant because it was thorny. So he was just staring from upstairs. No one saw him. Suddenly another guy that claims to be the guy’s friend came in a motorcycle. And when Mdm X ban down to take the plant, the long knife came out. He was shocked.

With all the plants up there, he decided to throw the flower pot down. And it almost hit the snatch thieves. But it was on purpose. He wanted to scare them away. Well, the snatch thieves was still shock. He then was looking for bricks to throw. But the sad thing is he just shifted the bricks downstairs the other day. With his weak leg (he fell a few weeks ago), he took another flower pot and almost throw but by the time he got it, they left. The snatch thieves left with nothing. He was telling us that if he ever get the bricks, the snatch thieves would have been dead. It came as a no suprise since I know he does what he says. He once even chased robbers around the housing area with his parang in the middle of the night. I have seen him even coming out of the car to scold the policemen. It is of no suprise to me.

He was even teaching us some tactics to handle snatch thieves and what to do if you accidentally killed snatch thieves and robbers. My point here is that snatch thieves and robbers are getting more and more daring day by day. If you want to snatch or rob someone, don’t harm people. It sometimes brings no sense for robbers or thieves to kill someone. Must it be to that extent? If you want to take my things, go ahead. I won’t stop you but must you harm someone? I have heard so many cases of snatch thieves and it is always a no fun to hear it especially from close friends and relatives. Nowadays I even choose to sit when it comes to being in a LRT. I am not cruel or mean not to give people my seat but I don’t want to rub with people or have contact with others. I don’t want to look for unneccessary trouble when I can avoid it. Of course genuine people, I don’t mind offering my seat but if I don’t see the need, I don’t offer lately. Call me mean or whatever you want. I am more concern of my own safety.

This world is no longer safe; not for me. neither it is for you.

I have been asking around for the song Ku Mohon by Mac Chew/ Sheila Majid. I’ve finally found it with the help of Google. It suits my feelings right now. Really it does. Here goes the lyrics:

Setiap hari kumohon
Agar Kau sentiasa
Memberiku ketenangan dalam hati… kekuatan
Menempuh segala dugaan yang mencabar ini
Pasti punya ertinya
Engkau beriku harapan
Menjawab segala persoalan
Hadapi semua dengan tenang
Dengan merasa kesyukuran
Ku doa Kau selalu
Mengawasai gerak-geriku
Berkatilah ku penuh rahmat dari Mu

Oh Tuhan terangkan hati dalam sanubariku
Oh Tuhan ku berserah segalanya kepadamu
Agar jiwaku tenang dengan bimbingan Mu selalu

Ada kalanya ku merasa hidup ini seperti kaca
Jikalau tidak bersabar
Hancur berderailah akhirnya
Tabahkanlah hatiku
Melalui semua itu… Ooh…
Kuatkanlah
Cekalkanlah diriku

Curahkanlah nikmat Mu pada hidupku

=)