I come to find and see LOVE as such a subjective thing. Something so abstract that one will never understand what it is all about. You can try asking around about what LOVE is, and people will tell you, ‘I don’t know’, ‘Love ar? Love loh’. This would be the usual response people around gives you.

As I was browsing through 3,000 messages of mine in my handphone, I felt so delighted and yet, so solemn. The messages that is still in my phone are mostly selected messages. Mostly is from her(x) and him(bro). The joy and laughter through the sms-es; the fights and arguments through the sms-es. Sometimes I find it so subjective as to what real and true love is all about. We still fight although we love, we still argue although we love. It doesn’t brings much definition to love isn’t it?

Browsing through the many folders in my handphone which basically includes, ‘FWD’, ‘SAR’, ‘APIIT Crazy Classmates’, ‘Birthday Greetings’, ‘Personal’, ‘ROCK’, ‘SPM’, ‘SC’ and so on brought back a lot of memories. I don’t keep sms-es. All the 3,000 over messages are kept throughout the many years. All of it meant somethings to me. And the words uttered are undescribable.

Nevertheless, I’ve not been getting any much lovey dovey messages anymore. Apparently, I don’t use my phone to chat. Or perhaps, the people I used to chat and talked with have found some new love somewhere. I don’t get the words of affirmation I used to get. I don’t get the reports that I used to get. I don’t get the, ‘Hows your day?’ that I used to get and so on and so forth. I am trying not to make believe that I will get it one day and that things will be how it used to be. But I am trying to just move on with life. It sounded easy but I can tell you it is tough.

I don’t know whether the people I love still love me. But one thing I know the God I love still loves me. The ignorant I get, I am getting used to it although it is painful. But what can I do but to stay strong? Giving up may seem a solution but giving up may cause scars that would last forever.

All in all, life goes on.
What is love? I am still trying to re-experience the love I once felt few years ago.

For a day, I felt extremely satisfied and happy and maybe even enthusiastic.

Firstly, I was offered by my dad for a trip to Australia in May 2009 to accompany him for his meeting. I think I can make it so because my semester ends in March and by the time results are released, end of May should be it. I have not put a yes but I am trying to say yes! =D I’ve not been there for almost 4-5 years now.

Secondly, I was brought to the Tiles shop(s) and the Lights shop the whole afternoon. I was given the chance to choose all the tiles and lights I want and yeah, that’s it. Everything was paid there after. It’s for my new place and some things are really cool. A fan with light caught my attention. It opens like a helicopter. And yes, we bought that too!

Extremely lethargic and leaving for Pangkor tomoro at 6.30am. =)

When more of my days are turning merely into day dreams. Today is just one of them. One more week to go. Day dream is my new name. Reading ‘The Five Love Languages for Singles’ is quite appealing to me. Honestly, I hate reading but that book caught my attention. I get tired reading easily. Maybe it’s a syndrome of not reading for a long time.

I have learnt that I should not underestimate what God can do. Or I should not even put a standard for God; because He really exceeds all my standards. What He can do is far greater than what I can do. Only He changes lives and He changes people. I can’t. And I am glad to be used by Him. =)

I am trying to get over the ‘grow up’ thingy. Really. Maybe when I am better, I will sms back the person but I can honestly tell you the feelings hurts. Hurts me really much. The thought in me has never ended. I am trying to tell myself, ‘Alvin, it’s okay! Just treat it as some sort of joke’. But my heart tells me, ‘Has this person ever thought about my feelings before telling me that?’, ‘This person should apologise, NOT ME’. Argh. It isn’t easy getting over a word that came right pierced through your heart. It’s painful deep within.

I want to get over it and put it aside. I’ve forgived way too many times but I wonder why I failed to do so this time. Apparently, I am so freaking serious this time. The care and concern is still there. But I am trying to handle it well this time. In a matured way. Let’s see from where this goes.

I am starting to realise I fell for it again. This it is something so unexpected. It is something not my thing neither it is something of my type. But it really caught my attention, my care and my concern. I don’t know but it has now a place in my heart. A very close one indeed. This is causing me to ask if I’ve changed in terms of preference. But we’ll see. A week of absence for me to think thoroughly

I shall no smaller-kan my font size although this remains my random thoughts. Thoughts and feelings that I’ve been going through the past one week. A crazy and nonsensical week, I’d say. Things that I least expect happened, things that I least expect I’d do, I did. I wouldn’t say it is full of sorrows and pain, yet I wouldn’t say it is full of joy and happiness either.

Firstly, my life was apparently safe by God-incidence. I am truly thankful yet I contemplate again. On the day where the LRT clash at 6:30pm, was the day where I was suppose to take the LRT home after my class. It was exactly the time. But by God-incidence, my friend offered to give me a lift home. Or else, I’d be stranded in the LRT or I’d be involve with the incident or maybe, accident. I was thinking when I was in the LRT the next day, what if I was involve? Will I get the attention I’ve always wanted. The attention from some parties? Perhaps, my thought was a yes. But when I thought twice, it was a NO NO. Not gonna risk my life for such an attention. I also contemplated about what if I was inside, would it be interesting? As not many were injured? Would it be an experience? Call me stupid for such thoughts!

Secondly, a very busy week I had. A really really busy week. Perhaps my busy won’t be as busy as the rest of my coursemates because I started slightly few days earlier than they did and completed it way beyond the hand in time. Moral and IT due on the same week, same day is a major killer.

Thirdly, because of my assignments on Friday, what happened on Friday itself got me pretty upset. Maybe not only upset but regretful. Regretful that I was so dependent on another party over my own assignments. I was the first few people to complete it yet, I was the last few to hand in. I hate that miserable feeling. The feeling of fear and uncertainties. The fear of having my marks and certs at stake. It was awful. I was really out of sense and control when I knew all about it. My coursemates can testify my ugly side. Perhaps, it wasn’t the most ugly side of me yet. But I’ve learnt throught it. Learned through such an experiences. I’ve learnt 2 big words: to ‘BELIEVE’ and to ‘TRUST’. To believe in someone isn’t as easy, and trust too. As much as I believe the LORD is real and magnificent, He will be. Trusting Him in times of dire need is important. Not only in our needs, but all the time. And I do believe God is gonna do something great and real this coming ROCK Sunday; putting aside all complains and obstacles. When our favour is on His side, we rule because He rules. People may try to tear you down in many ways, but to believe and trust in Him that He will do great things is important.

Forthly, I am annoyed over the many discouragements I’ve face this week. My busy-ness kept me so busy that it was great for me to put it aside. Ignoring SMS-es, MSN messages was merely what I did. Discouragements over my ministry, my assignment so on and so forth. But I am coping and learning to take it well. And learning to be wise in what I am doing. Putting aside all the heartache and all and to look at the brighter side; because He is in control.

Fifthly, I am leaving for Pangkor Island next week. I am full of excitement and enthusiasm to leave this place where I can put things aside. But well, my assignments I can’t really put aside. Will try to finish it. And finally, I’ve printed my ITB notes. At this point when I am almost finishing my 2nd Semester.

Sixthly, my Resit for my Maths Class Test results is not out. I am so lazy to persue. From lecturer, to admin and now the issue is back to the lecturer. What red tape this is. Rubbish I’d say.

Seventh, I realised that I get easily affected by things. I get easily influenced by things. Just 2 days ago at 4.30pm, I received an sms: ‘I want you to grow up can?’. All I did was to stare at the message for some time. Obviously, this person is someone close to me that I care; thats why this person dares to write such a thing. But I’ve been thinking about that phrase endlessly the past 2 days. Trying so hard to get over it. Am I really that childish? I don’t want to put the blame on you by saying that you are the childish one. But am I? I thought I was matured and okay for my age but this person thinks otherwise. The words uttered pierced right through my heart and sometimes I wonder whether it is true? Telling myself to put things aside. Ignored this particular person on Facebook and SMSes for the past 2 days. I wonder whether care was put into what was said? Did the person ever think about how I’d feel? Or is it just a general sms that I shouldnt bother and just delete? I hate such SMSes.

There are more nonsense and tantrums this week actually. But I am too lethargic to type more. My hands are failing me. My mind and brain too. I shall stop. If you don’t see me, see you after Pangkor!

The debate is on again: To revert Maths and Science to English or not to? How sad is that, after all these years, we are still stuck with the question: Going back and forth. Not making the slightest progress even at decision level.

And guess who suffers in the end? Who end up as the victims here? The students! Yet one wonders why we frown upon the Malaysian Education system. Indecisiveness rules, that’s why!

I remembered in 2002 when the Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir pushed for more subjects to be taught in English. The idea was adopted, and then we went back to Bahasa Malaysia, and back to English, and now, the deliberation is on again to have Maths and Science in Bahasa.

What’s happening to us? When China is importing English lecturers by the thousands from the UK, and many other countries are encouraging their people to pick up Mandarin, looking at how China is fast becoming a world economic power, here we are, still arguing about the same old issue, regressing to square one, yet again.

We really, really, really need to move on. We really do and We need to move forward.

A friend’s teacher was telling about how she was approached by a colleague who confided in her. The male secondary school teacher was approached by a student who asked him: “Sir, which part of out body is called the waist?” The boy pointed at his waist and thigh. The teacher, pointing to his own thigh, said that was his waist!

Of course the friend corrected him and thankfully, that teacher had the decency to go back to the student and admit to the student that he was wrong.

But this is it. This is where we are where English is concerned. Our understanding, our comprehension of the language, the way we pronounce words.. gone to the dogs!

Yes, we understand that it is difficult for some teachers to teach in English because they are poor too- again, no thanks to or education system. But we can’t take the easy way out here or we will surely lose out in the long run. Teachers who are weak in English can be trained. We can have extra classes to help them improve and hopefully master the language one day. And they in turn, can help their own children grasp the language. It’s all for their own good. For our own good! For the nation’s own good!

We need this to continue being competitive. Or do turn and run the other way and not bother with the finish line or promising rewards, whenever we see an obstacle ahead? Do we sacrifice yet another generation to bad English?

The current standard is, to say the least, atrocious, appalling, abominable! Awful, I’d say

To the authorities, please do what’s right for the country (Yes, to the authorities. Giving up? haha)

Please don’t let the current efforts that are already in place, go to waste!

Some perfect examples to the title ‘Are you speak Engris?’

1. In an office, a young employee picks up her phone when it rings and casually asks the person on the other line:’Is this an internal or outernal (external) call?’

2. Interview between an airline company and flight attendant wannabe.
Question: What do you know about flight safety procedures?
Answer: Passengers must leave their belongings during EJACULATION (evacuation).

3. One student is heard telling the other at a formal function: ‘Wah, today you look very extinguished (distinguished)’

4. At a modelling agency, a model asks her colleague… ‘Where you SHOT tomorrow? (Where is your shoot tomorrow)’

5. At a beauty pageant a contestant says: ‘I want to be success’

6. Form an essay by a student: ‘… I am dumbfolded (dumbfounded)’

7. Another essay by a student: ‘He suffer from low SELF OF STEAM (self-esteem)’

8. From a notice posted by a student: ‘No smoking ALOUD (allowed)’

9. From an essay by a student” ‘I pass all my testes. My grades should be hirer’

10. Written by a form four student in his essay: ‘Talking about the MISUED of religion’

11. From a letter written by a 17-year old: ‘I like your WORD (work), and what a cute CREATURE (picture) of you…’

12. Overheard at a department store: ‘I am so shy to go to the LIN-JE-Ree (lingerie) section..’

13. From an essay by a 15-year old who was asked if he would dress like a girl: ‘Never. Even if all the girls in the world EXTINCTED’

14. A student at school tells his teacher: ‘Sir, toilet sir. I got stomach cake’

15. From an assignment submitted by a university student: ‘Women can use the DIAGRAM to prvent from getting pregnant’

16. From a student: ‘The reason why he’s not interested in woman is because he is a QUAIL (queer)’

17. On a trup abroad, a reporter wakes up just after dawn, looks out the window and exclaims: ‘Wah, cantiknya sunset!’

18. Spelling mistakes at local food outlets: ;’Sphaghetthi (spaghetti)’ ‘Suit and sawa chicken (Sweet and sour chicken)’, ‘Stake (steak)’

19. A part time worker at a concert hall needs to stamp the wrists of patrons foing out for a break. She says: ‘Excuse me sir, can I chop you hand?’

20. From a secondary student: ‘He told me he hit his head on his forehead’

21. From a local fil delegate at an international festival: ‘She’s an actress. SHE-MOTHER also actress’

22. From a 15-year old looking after his pet: ‘My dog had cut his hair last week. He became a shaven body because he is thin’

23. A very famous local singer was asked by a stewardess, ‘How would you like your coffee?’ The singer, very earnestly replied, ‘In a cup please’

24. Toilets out of Order. Please use the Ice-Rink.

25. All of You Listen to mee, Don’t disturb here, will call policae catch you, Don’t come to my bungalow house, Understand, O.K? I hate all of you.

How atrocious is an International Language made? Or perhaps I ask, how more disgrace shall we bring to ourselves and our nation? Enough of debates. Many often asks, ‘Why the countries around grows faster?’ Have we ever realised that language itself plays such an important role in the lives of many? Singapore has proven to be one of the fastest growing country. At least people doesn’t ask if they live in jungles and if they have eggs and potatoes right?

We made ourselves who we are. Don’t bother looking east, west, north or south. What’s the point if our own basic is not strong? Language is such a basic. Are we just afraid that English will overshadow our national language? Is it the ego in the ministers? I’d rather you sacrifice your ego for the sake of the country.

I don’t deny my English is not good enough. I often complains that to my mum too. But hey, at least my English is way better than many around me? I am not bragging but I am thankful to be in a school where English was an important language. The exposure I got is so valuable. People have to realise. Authorities have to realise. We need to wake up from this.

Maths and Science is just 2 subjects out of the uncountable subjects that we offer in secondary school. What is wrong with just having it English? Apparently, people can get 20 A1s, if they are really brilliant, this change shouldn’t affect them. Are we not changing just because the students will get lower marks? Oh, that thinking is so traditional.

I am not as fortunate as those now who have their primary school Maths and Science in English. Nevertheless, it will turn unfortunate to them if it is revert back. People are leaving Malaysia because of it’s Education System. We need a revamp. We need a change. And I think English is the way to go.

Reference (and some sources) : from Malaysian Today

Apparently, more and more bloggers are being held in custody. Maybe blogs should be banned in Malaysia? I suppose it will settle all the sedition issues and all the corrupted critics and so on and so forth. Internet was once used to express freedom of speech in the right way- through blogs. But many silly people like you have changed the whole concept. Making innocent bloggers like us may worry that the freedom of blogging been taken away.

I’ve been hearing everyone saying the same thing when they don’t like to hear something. You want to know what phrase? The phrase, ‘Later ar, ISA come after …’. Everything gotta do with this ISA thingy and it’s starting to get old and boring. And oh, our dear leaders in the country, ignorance is not bliss. Sometimes, being responsible over the things we said and do make things easier and less complicated. Why dare do and not admit? Unless you tell me you are below 15years old, maybe I’d understand.

You know. Malaysia is not well know enough already. Imagine if blogs were banned. Internet were banned? Do you know a Mat Salleh once asked, ‘Where is Malaysia? Do you have potatoes there? How about eggs? Do you still live in the jungle?’. I mean, OMG. We even have one of the tallest Twin Towers. Why don’t we have eggs or potatoes? If blogs and internet were banned, oh Malaysia can remain unknown to the world. We would probably never exist in most of their minds.

Freedom of Speech is what I am talking about. Let’s be fair sometimes. Let’s not be judgemental. Some people are such an extremist that they idol the Leader and whatever the Leader says is true. Hell No. It is the things the Leaders do that matters. Not the things Leaders are.

The ‘putting bloggers into the lock-up’ scenario did wake me up a little. But I find so restricted. I find that it makes my blog so useless.I don’t know if these people really went beyond the lines but Get Real! It is the 21st Century. Freedom of Speech, Internet -are all out rights. I don’t want to live in a jail (Malaysia). If everything were restricted, how can life be?

I am fearful of what I just wrote but it has no intentions of being bias or rude towards anyone. Let’s just accept the facts of what is happening.