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;)

As I was reading up some Marketing and Management stuffs, I realised I have another 3 subjects (namely Computing IT, Media Theories and Culture, Business Communication Skills) which I have not touched. I know. It’s Friday. I have dad’s birthday dinner with family tonight somemore.

Nevertheless, I will just give my best shot. Coming to think about it, I’ve already passed my modules because of my assignments – it’s now a matter of grades. But I wanna get good grades of course. Me, hating Maths has got me into a degree which requires a lot of memorisation for the first year, first semester.

Second semester should be slightly more fun, I reckon! But what’s more interesting is my – ONE MONTH HOLIDAYS till about November. When people sitting for exams, I am on holidays. And when people having holidays, I am back to class. Ironic. Urgh. But should be fine, I am praying for a good timetable so that I can slack (opps!) , I mean rest more!

I’m glad that I have been praying and seeking God a lot and I hope I can meditate on His Word more too. Awesome times, as always. :) God has been revealing much about things that I have been going through and I will always fail to understand the big true picture. But well, I have surrendered my life to Him.

I know my blog posts has been without pics for quite some time. After my exams, maybe I will get some ADORE Pics up. Yeah, when people already talk least about it. Will see how. Or maybe holidays pictures! Gonna spend more time with my youths and doing some follow up details and data with them as well. I always enjoy meeting them and looking forward to every weekend.

By the way, making twitter sync to my phone was easy. But not twitter to Facebook. It still ain’t working. But at least I can update my status through handphone now. I am not a technology freak although I am studying in APIIT; thats for sure.

I have chose to be contented with that I have been receiving at some or most of the nights! :)
You don’t need to know what. LOL.

Anyways, back to my books! Exciting day tomorrow. Lunch appointments, youth service and grandpa’s house opening! How to study? You tell me..

Insomia. Shucks.

I wished for more because I have see the more of you.

I guess things are simple at times when you choose to take it as it is and don’t complicate it.

Yeah, bullshitting.

I can’t sleep recently.
Loads of thoughts.
I wonder why.

I can’t even nap.
Thats the most irritating thing ever.

I wished I could sms like last time till I fall asleep.
LOL
It won’t happen.

But yeah, I need sleep.
But I can’t sleep.

I miss it. I miss you. I miss you uni people. -)

the reality of it!

Many at times, you wondered why things must go this way, and why things must go that way?

You struggle to find answers to your questions; perhaps, I am stuggling too.

I can’t seem to find the answer
(or at least the answer I think would be acceptable and appropriate)

The more you know, the worse you get.
And just so you know, people around you don’t really care. Or do they?
I wished they do!
I’ve always believed and still believe actions speaks louder than words.
But many at times, I experience words speaks louder than actions through people’s words and actions.
But, I chose to endure. I choose to give in.
And it’s always all because of love?

I was disappointed and perhaps, I still am.
I had no idea why, but jealousy came about a little too.
Although after much rationalization, I think I shouldn’t be jealous.
Judging from words, certain actions could have been done but well, it was not done.
Promises made, but not yet fulfilled. (Notice: not yet)
And yet, I endure. I succumb to those pain myself; without giving it out to anyone at all.

Well, it was hard trying to look at things positively. Was very tough.
I wished time could pause for just a while more;
I wished words you utter would reflect love;
I wished more things could have been done.
But, it’s all wishes.
Definitely, at this point – I am not the happiest guy on earth
But can I do something about it now? Hmm..

3 has now been a significant number.
The years, the months, the days – the ups and downs – the tears and laughters – the fight the care.

Recently, I felt it has lost its significance. Or perhaps, I should say -losing
I am trying to gain it back but one hand just wouldn’t clap.
But life goes on… with much endurance and pain in the name of love and care. =)

I’ve always asked if ‘I was good enough?’ but the answer in my mind has never been certain.
Or perhaps, ‘Have I done enough?’
Or… ‘Have I done something wrong?’

Frustrations, hurt, lonely – best words to describe how I feel at this point. Sigh…
Can one hand really clap in this whole thing?
I wished.. I prayed.. Still wishing.. Still praying..
I am not expecting much.
Trying to make effort.
Trying to be okay.
It will be. I believe =)

But nonetheless, it was some joy in me though.
Just little.

Mixed feelings. Urgh.

**********

Looking at the brighter side, I had quite an awesome weekend minus all the things I heard and went through.
ROCK ON SAT officially hits 40 youths; and prayerfully ROCK ON SUN will hit 60 youths too. God has been awesome in ROCK. :)
You count, People counts! :)

Farewell dinner with Joseph at Look Out Point with 30 over of them.
Great time, great fellowship.
Another person to miss. Joseph has been an awesome contribution in the ROCK Team.
Will definitely miss him when he’s over to UK for 2 years next week!
He’s a buddy I really cherished.
Someone really helpful.
Will miss all the fun times we had together. Again.

One by one; further and further. Shessh.
Misses Misses Misses..

Sunday was ordinary. My thoughts were running all over. Emotions too.
Well, it was since Saturday evening..
But what can I say? The youths really cheered me up.
Their laughter, their excitement just amazes me!
And I love each of them to bits!

Life goes on and I hope dreams and wishes can turn into reality. Just thats it! (:

A for Awesome!

No one can ever comprehend the feeling of dejection and probably you wont want to feel it at all either. It sucks. Life is life; things we go through day by day makes us stronger and stronger each day.

Somehow I’ve been a very positive person lately. I guess thats a good thing though. It’s an awesome thing to be exact. Somehow, at times, the feeling of dejection can really kills but what matters most is that you look at it positively.

I am looking at it so positively that I told myself, ‘God is giving me rest!’. I guess it’s time to just sit down and to ponder about Him, His Word, His People. I find it pointless when people endlessly accuse you of what you and your intentions- which is untrue.

But like what people said, ‘It’s peoples mouth!’ – So none of my problem isn’t it?

Yes, for those awaiting me to talk about ADORE09; here I am talking about it.

I think my God is such an awesome God. He reigns and still reigns. How much He has blessed ADORE is just unspeakable. How much He has been with us was amazing. And how much He has blessed and touched life was marvelous!

11 lifes were touched and blessed! :) And nothing brings more joy to see people entering the Kingdom of God. Hundreds were together lifting up the name of Jesus with one accord; and people were shouting, jumping, screaming for Jesus! And they wanted more.

Worst still, we are already half an hour late to finishing but people were still asking for more of Jesus and the Worship Team ran out of songs to do. But the sight of people worshipping was priceless. And indeed, it was ‘to empower a generation to win a generation’. And we are still praying for God’s presence to revolutionise this generation! Thats our passion, vision and mission by the way!

I have been so blessed. I know my God has been good. I was having sore throat and dizziness the week before; but during ADORE – everything seems fine and good. The pain turns about after the concert (where now my throat is still swallon =( ). But God’s greatness deserves my adoration and worship.

And once again I say, ADORE is good; JESUS is better!

And without Him, there won’t be ADORE. If you are looking forward to a next year, check it out – probably there will be a follow up event on ADORE by this year; who knows? God has blessed us so much and yes, we cannot contain it anymore.

:) I love to see the sight of people worshipping together with me!

I’ve always feel not good enough. Probable my team feels that way too. But God was in control. He took all our inadequacy and turned into something beyond our imaginations. I still think I am inadequate – but well, God knows.

Okay, what else to say here?

I am going to Singapore for about a week plus soon. Or maybe shorter. It depends. And then Hong Kong for the Asia Baptist Camp where we are doing games for a thousand people. Interesting. Flying with Cathay Pacific is another one of my dream come true. Love the plane, love the service, love the hostess (Opps!), love the food.

I guess I am looking forward to another ROCK Youth Meeting later. Gonna be another awesome time together! We love doing life together!

Exams coming in 2 weeks. And my Media lecturer showed us something already. So, fear not exams =PP but well, still gotta study for another 4 subjects. I can’t bear to get lower than what I want.

Dreams do come true. This year, I’ve come to realisation. However, not all dreams do come true but yeah, most of it came true this year! (:

I think I am sick.

Shucks.

Headache and all.

What a time.

Trusting and believing my God heals.

But it’s suffering.

Heaven Knows

I was just listening to Mix.fm. They played a song that ruined my whole mood. Got me all of a sudden the bad feeling. And that song was ‘Heaven Knows’ by Rick Price. Brought me many unpleasant memories. Well, there are a few songs that brings me back to the old days. Even ‘Drowning’ by Backstreet Boys can get me worst than this.

To love is to let go. Even if it means to have people around distancing you one by one. It’s a tough lesson to learn but it did sink in a little. But it help gets me stronger too. (:

Setting someone free could never been much easier. Over and over again, friends after friends, people after people – it’s the toughest thing to do and I wished I had the option not to let go.

The song says, ‘Why do I live in despair?’. Well, I am not. I am glad to say that I am not. I’ve got Jesus, friends and the people around me. I ain’t living in despair despite how much people think I ought to at times. But yeah, all this time I act so brave, I am shaking inside. Well, this happens. I act so brave to the people whom are close to me but inside me is tearing me apart. How I wish I could just open up a little to those who are close to me.

People around me currently keeps me going. The love for Jesus keeps me moving.

I was foolish to even think that the song ‘I’m taking back my love’ can be done so easily. Love is not an item where you can take it and give it away anytime you like. You’ve been deceived if you think that way. Just because someone doesn’t love you, and you want to take back your love – thats not genuine love. Love has a far more greater meaning than just that.

It’s tough going through this life when people I love ain’t around and supportive, when things I need it is never there but life goes on. Who am I to decide for them what they want?

Memories flow through my mind. It somehow hurts me to know those are just memories but well, I can never expect things to be same all the time.

I am looking forward to opening the Ice-Cream Stall tomorrow at the Bazaar. Should be fun. I’ve been playing so much of Facebook games recently!!! Getting so addicted. 😛

Had an eventful night.

Another rehearsal for ADORE tomorrow.

Dad admitting to hospital tomorrow too. =S

Busy with marketing bazaar.
Not very busy also actually.
Just some preliminary preparations.

I was and am frustrated.
People who doesn’t know how to prioritise.
Can get so irresponsible too.
But well, it’s gonna be fine. I hope.

I am getting random.
LOL.

SIGH =(

How can I make things alright?

I wonder if things can happen again.

Hmmm..

I apologise for not keeping my promises.

Yeah, many things have happened lately. Sigh.

About the dream. Yeah, just few nights ago. I dream that I was not having any family members around me. All I had was my grandmother. And my grandmother was terribly sick in an old folks home. All I knew was to ask, ‘Why?’. I knew nothing. I felt lonely.

Basically, the whole dream was about me and my grandmother. And I’ve learn to appreciate her more. Undeniably, age is catching up on her but I am praying for her. She’s a great grandma despite sometimes how I dislike her treating me unfairly among my siblings.

And, keeping my mind busy is what I can do. The thoughts that goes through me – you won’t wanna know. The thoughts and feelings from the heart – you won’t wanna bother aite? It will probably make you think whether I am crazy. So I better keep it to myself.

Dad and Mum just said I might go down Singapore during my One Month Holidays from Sept 26 – Oct something. Hong Kong I am leaving on Dec 26 – Jan 2. Has been awesome to be able to travel this year! 😉 God’s been good!

Dream.

I had a weird dream last night.

Will share when I return.

I hope it isn’t true >