When you tried all you could, but it just won’t seem to work out. – no matter how much u tried, how much u do, how much u give and how much you this and that.

People around will never seem to be able to comprehend what I feel right now.
This feeling suck big time.
Yes, i really feel like being vulgar, for once. =(
But I am suppressing it here. And taking it alone.

Yes, this is an emo post.
Don’t read if you are not interested.
Anyways, my blog is dead.
I am just writing to release my screwed up emotions.

I thought this would be a fantastic long weekend in Singapore.
But no, it was nothing fantastic.
Staying in KL might be better.

Or maybe I should blame myself.
I should not have bothered and put expectations in myself.
Nevertheless, too late.
I now end up in a deep screwed up mode which no one would understands how I feel.

Not like I’ve not tried being positive.
Not like I’ve not tried being patient.
Not like I’ve not tried giving in.
Somehow, I think I just realized a friendship or relationship with someone takes 2 hands to clap and not just one.

If it was one, maybe things in this world would get less complicated.

Now it is sinking into my head that I’ve been clapping the wall all these while.
Now it is hitting me twice as much as it used to.
Now, my heart is just numb at how things are.
Am I giving up?
I don’t know.
Deep inside, I know it’s reluctant.

It’s twice as pain when night comes.
When you start to think and wonder. And burst into tears.
At the same time, getting yourself back into reality.
Reality can be sooo painful right now.
I can never express it in words. Anymore.

Disappointments is prolly the greatest hurt in me right now.
Or perhaps, it has always been.
I wished I could be an overcomer.
But 2 mornings passed, I’ve yet to become one.
I wished I could just say, ‘What? Oh.. Nothing’
But I can’t
Because this means so much to me.

What have I done to deserve this?

-leave me alone-
-in solitude-
i appreciate just that.

When I type haha, it doesn’t mean I am laughing.

When I write :), it doesn’t mean I am smiling.

When I smile, it doesn’t mean within me smiles.

And the list goes on.

I hate writing about this.

So, I shall stop.

It’s all me. Myself.

I am agitated. When I found out more.
I wish I didn’t.

And so, goodnight.

Sighs.

Listening to True Worshippers Album right now.

I think it’s awesome.

I just got an offer from HomeSchool to be a part time tutor.

HomeSchool is a school ministry from United States following the US syllabus for students of all ages.

It is a programme designed for students who is not good enough or too good; as it does not follow a grading system. It goes along as you complete each level regardless of time.

It’s owned by my church! One of the children ministries.

HomeSchool at church is one of the growing daily ministries and has full time or part time students. I am going in for observation tomorrow and getting a new Iranian student on Monday.

Definitly it’s not much about the pay but me using my time wisely.

So, I reckon it’s gonna be fun!

I never expected this anyways.

So, working hours from 8:30am-3pm

And next year, I am suppose to come in as a Part Time Tutor.

They are following my semester’s schedule for a 2 hour class a week.

But next year, I am only teaching Malay Language.

Well, teacher in the making.

I love children anyways.

Malacca with some youths next Friday!

Singapore from 29th-31st October.

Hong Kong from 26th Dec-2nd Jan.

I love travelling.

Have been dead bored the past few days.

Time to do some work.

Yesh, I owe you all a post on the Top People In My Life.

I am just lazy.

I can’t believe I am bored to death currently now.

How I look forward to Singapore and Hong Kong trip! 😀

Dying to have something to do; place to go to; someone to talk to and crap with.

Hahaha. I am not making you all jealous but I am bored to death.

What else can do ah? 😀

it’s hard not to feel alone…

…it’s twice as hard not to feel jealous…

the feelings in me…

HAIH…

Sigh…

Suffering alone…

Sometimes I wonder…

Urgh…

But well, I feel so awayyyy…

='(

I am thinking about the people around me who has made an impact.

..frustrations..

..sighs..

..hear me talk..

..please..

..emo..

The title says it all, ‘I shouldn’t but I am’.

I am not suppose to do it and yet, I am doing it.. Again.

I need to learn self-control. Very soon.

Or else, my life will be much more miserable. I think. Hahaha

I’ve been slacking a lot recently.

Till the point that I don’t realise exams is tomorrow.

How foolish can I be.

But well, I am still happy. Nothing emo.

I guess life has been awesome with the people around me making me smile every moment of my life.

What more seeing your youths endlessly passionate and fired up for Jesus is an amazing sight.

I guess, it’s not just them that makes me smile.
Many others too.
Although they’ve failed me over and over again; what makes you happy is when you know they remember you – still love you, still care for you, and still tries their best.

=)

I was just challenged and ask to write about ‘The Influential People in my life’ or perhaps, ‘The People I love’ or in another words, ‘People that could Affect Me’ or ‘Top People in my Life’. I will write about it when I am done with exams or I get to bored with studying. Loads of elaborations and writing of names and prioritising it will be tough. But I will do it. =)

And on the other hand, my handphone can now update Facebook. Wooohoo.. XD
I am now someone up-to-date.
LOL.

But yeah, life is fun at times.

Bukit Tinggi with ROCKers this Saturday!
Another awesome trip, I presume.
Come, join us if you are around.
We’d love to have you.

By the way, if you guys are reading on my blog: Write something lar..
I want to know. Don’t lar remain anonymous. Pleeeeeeeeaaasssssssssssseeee?