tough? or not..

alvink once told himself that he’d be strong. Or perhaps he’d be tough.

He told himself he should stay strong in whatever he is doing and never to give up neither to give in to unnecessary demands. Till now, I think I’ve successfully done it but I think I’d fail really soon.

All this I am talking about is about organizing a youth camp.

I told myself I didn’t want to be like past commanders that break down along the way. Neither did I want to be emotional and give up cause it would stopped me from giving my best to God’s people. There is no exact recipe to protect me from not breaking down other than to keep myself covered my persistent prayers constantly.

At this point, I have less than 24 hours where the battle and war would begin. Will it be a victory won or am I on the losing end? No one knows except the Father in Heaven who knows. There are just so many things flooding my mind endlessly today. I tried to take a nap and I told myself to at least have a 3hours break and rest so that I will be able to be ready for the camp. However, in just an hour plus, my phone was flooding with miss calls and messages that finally woke me up. I am not annoyed neither am I being stupid for not-offing my phone. I find it glad that people are FINALLY taking things seriously.. A day before the camp.

Now I am awake and I can’t rest.

I am doing doing and doing work and work and work alone.

Sometimes I am starting to feel the stress. Or perhaps I am already feeling it. I am feeling the responsibility God has placed on me- to take care of the campers that is. Not just take care; but take good care.

I am already feeling the tension in the air as things are still not really done up. I don’t know it’s either I keep giving myself things to do or is it really not done. Nametags, Handbooks, T-shirts are all well packed and ready to go. Yet I am still doing certain unnecessary gifts and cards and games for the campers. Doing gifts and cards for them is not easy. You can believe me. All 85 campers is not an easy task to do. Are those things unnecessary? I still believe sacrifice made for each and every camper will not be in vain because I really want them to enjoy the camp even at the expense of my own time and emotions.

I am again feeling the pain too. Thinking of those I dearly miss not going for this camp I am organizing. The lack of support from this parties sometimes just makes me feel worst. At times I needed support and encouragement, no one was there. Sometimes, just an sms or a MSN Message would really cheer me up. Ah. I am giving myself false hopes again. They won’t!

Read this blog title. ‘tough? or not’. I don’t want to be emotional or too stressed up like the previous camp I was doing for games. I don’t want to. I want myself to be able to not just take care of the campers in the camp but I myself getting something valuable from the camp. I hope this would be an eye-opener. A camp that can refresh myself and my heart. To learn and to un-learn. To give and to take. I know. Sometimes, things like these might be at the expense of my own emotions and time. But I know my treasures I stored in heaven.

I will see my readers after my PD Trip.

Have fun with me for those who are going.

For those who are not, I hope you guys really regret for this camp is gonna be great and I am sure it would be a life-changing experience for each and everyone of the campers.

I need a break.

Had lunch appointment today. Having dinner with grandpa for his 75th Birthday at a restaurant with no handphone line. Maybe God doesn’t want me to think too much.

And well, kill me for this! Starbucks really made my day yesterday.

When I am so stressed, Starbucks does help a lil.

The new drink is really nice. Sweet Caramelly Coffee taste!