i surrender all.

I have failed. I know He wins and I lose.

Many at times, I tend to ‘think’ I am perfect; or at least ‘act’ that I am perfect or even ‘show’ that I am Mr-Know-It-All but perhaps, the more I do so and behave that way, God is teaching me a lesson. Lesson on the weaknesses in me. And it ain’t easy.I do know I have that ego at times but Him revealing the weaknesses in me ONE by ONE could probable strike you so hard.

Worst still, at times, He reveals my weaknesses through other parties. Which makes things worst. I mean, makes me feel worst. I often question myself, ‘How could that possibly be?’. And I will come to a conclusion at the end of the thought, No One Is Perfect.

To a certain extent, I feel like I am justifying it instead of trying to see how I can put these weaknesses into strengths or how I can improve on those weaknesses. It is tough, I tell you. Putting me into heavy thoughts nowadays. Why, Why me? Painful I assure you, but I am trying to learn what surrendering my strengths and weaknesses to God is all about.

Being egoistic (I am emphasising it. Argh), it is so so tough to do such a thing. Trying to just accept that fact that I am not good enough or not on par, may be so difficult. Instead, I am trying to find my own strengths in times like these. I am sure everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, it’s just maybe that mine is more physical? Thats why it affects more? I don’t know.

Surrender. Surrender. Alvin, surrender!

I am also learn what responsibility is all about. Seeing some ignorant leaders, some useless and does-not make sense leaders in and around me, I have learnt. I’ve been seeing people who often finds the easy way out nowadays just because they are not happy, they don’t wanna care anymore, they are fed up. Have they ever thought running away might not be a perfect solution after all?

If you can’t take stress in here, do you think you can take stress out there? Sometimes, running away in just a temporal way out. I have been telling myself it isnt really the right thing to do. What more is that I go through these tough times knowing that He is God and that I will be stronger at the end of the day. Who doesn’t have problems? Who doesn’t have issues? But it is how we deal we it.

Don’t talk about migration. I am talking about the people around me. Classmates, Peers etc. I am learning too. I ain’t perfect but these are some of the random disappointments and thoughts around me.

I am learning to also not be over sensitive. But not giving in all the time. I am referring to someone actually. But well, I know with this person, i tend to merajuk or get upset but yeah, sometimes is the person’s fault but sometimes it is also that person’s fault for not doing his own responsibility. But I don’t know sometimes what to do. I suck at all these stuffs.

And I am learning what decision is all about. Decision that will impact and influence me. Gosh. Talking about this, I am in a dilemma. It is nothing for people to know but I myself know that if my ‘Do it’- I may not get the blessing; if my ‘Don’t do it’- I may regret. But I am praying some miracles to happen but I don’t think it will.

I know I am being more random, but I don’t and can’t afford to see my blog dying =/. I don’t have the mood for blogging daily, but if you do read often, tag on my board pleassseee? So that I know you were here and you read it. Or else it’s not worth updating. Haha. I am finding excuse to be lazy.

In 1 and the half months time, I will be going on my holidays.
In 1 week time, it’ll be my Study Week
In 2 weeks time, it’ll be my Finals
In 3 weeks time, I am free from Foundation
In 3 weeks time, also I’ll be on holiday
In about 7 weeks time, I’ll be flying.. Woooohoooooooooo!~~