when everything goes strangely dim =(

I’ve never been as pissed off as this time with this person. It really hits me hard – 2 days in a row. I am pissed off, not sulking. Get me right – PISSED OFF.

Nothing can make me this upset. Really.

This morning, the managers and all asked me, ‘Your friend working here when ar?’. I kept silent. Or perhaps, just stare and say ‘Not yet’. I am cheating myself. But what can I do?
I am soon gonna bear this embarrassment. All my blardy fault. I am prepared for this since yesterday but when it hit me hard today, NO – I am not prepared.
Call me egoistic. I am.

I hate it when people fails to prioritise their own stuffs. I mean, come on. If you are my age and older, you should have the little discernment. I know you care for others, how about me? Have you ever cared for what I’d feel and what I’d think? No, never.

Am I that easy to be stepped on and taking for granted?

Sometimes I think I am.

I told myself not to be pissed, but I can’t everytime I think about what had happened and the person involve is not even bothered to apologise and to do something. I am utterly disappointed, upset and pissed off. But if you did apologise and try to talk it out nicely with me – Maybe I will be able to feel better.
But this is not whats happening.
Instead, you make me feel even worst.

I feel stupid. I feel cheated. I feel bad.

Why can’t people think of my feelings for once? Everyone does the same.
And who would care for me when i SPRAINED MY LEG AND HAND working? Who?

I give give and give, with no returns. One day I am gonna run out of my own giving because I don’t receive in any relationships. And yet I get myself to suffer over my own giving because I did it out of love. But people never choose to bother.

I am feeling like hell now. Perhaps, in deep pain.
Sucking it all on myself hurts me emotionally.
My mind is thinking about it the whole time – even when I was busy working.

I feel bad. I am not a good staff when I am in such emotional state working in Starbucks. I get so emotionally-absorbed that I can’t even be bothered to greet the customers. And day dreaming, my worst thing. Standing at the counter and stare at the glass panels when customers was calling me. I am gonna get fired soon.
I won’t but if I was an ordinary staff, I might.

I think and think to find mistakes of my own. Thinking whether I was right to be pissed off.
I can’t find anything wrong with me being upset. It’s not being upset, I AM UPSET!

Why must these shit comes in during this important weekend?

I don’t know how long this is gonna take to heal. But I am certain if the person does not do anything or to at least try talk me out, it is gonna hurt me.

2 issues, 2 days – in a row – it’s all messed up.

Call me emo, I am now.
Like I said, I AM NOT SULKING!

I am just UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED and MAD and PISSED OFF.
I am a useless brother. ='(

Working life has been all fun if I didn’t need the cash. I want the cash to buy stuffs – for myself and for some people. At times, I wonder am i really that selfish after all? I would have resign if I didn’t need the cash. But I think I need. My wallet is now elft with RM3 bucks after last weekend and I am still willing to forgo lunch and all just for that. But I guess my salary should be out soon.
Arrrrrghhhh!

I can’t wait to fly yet I have people in mind that I know I will constantly miss.
God is fair. He never gives both the good together.
It’s either bitter, but healthy or sweet but unhealthy. He is like this!