For those who hates understanding french, please click the ‘X’ button on your uphand right.

I hope you read this:

My point of view:

I am utterly disappointed with you for knowing it yet not taking any action towards it. I can’t imagine someone saying he is ignorant and yet not doing anything to it. I can’t take it when you say you have changed but you don’t want to do any shit about it. I understand if I tell you your weaknesses and yet you don’t know. I get it. But not when you tell me you know about it and not doing anything about it. It’s sickening.

Putting all the blame on me does not solve the problem. Over-care? Over-sensitive? Is there people complaining over such things? I have given you lots of space. Maybe you should just look back about what no-space is all about when we first because close last time. It was 24/7 talk.

I don’t even get to communicate in a proper manner with you. It’s frustrating.

I don’t know but it is so painful now that I dont know how long I can take it.

And yet I just made some sacrifice eventhough I am upset. Just for you. And I am not feeling a single regret at all.

God, I pray miracles happens. You bring revolution. You bring change. I am hurting deep within and I pray you will cure this pain and help me (or us) to understand what true care is all about. I know You can do miracles and You can bring a smile on my face. I can barely put a smile on my face now. God, You know me inside out. Amen

I thought pushing things would make things better. Perhaps making things better. Well, truly. Backfired now. And it’s effing painful. At this point of time, my mind runs through a gush of emotions – i dont event know how to write about these emotions.

I know it hurts. But I am learning not to care anymore. I just be that person you want me to be. Maybe I should give it a try since you said a better bonding will work out. I know, as usual – time will do the magic. It has always been a great bonding till things starts to change. But you’d never realise. You’d always think you’ve not. If you’ve not, I wouldnt be this wounded.

I have always prayer you’d realise. I don’t want to threaten you or anything. But I am waiting for the day you realise who has really showed you care and love. Who has really sacrificed 10 times more than anyone else would – financially, emotionally. Emotionally I am running dry. I tried putting that smile 2 days ago. I couldn’t.

I knew it was my bad sometimes. To a certain extent, when you get too close, you tend to merajuk a lot. And sometimes overdoing this sulking can just make the other party upset as well. I didn’t mean to merajuk, but I know I do sometimes. Over the smallest little thing – like a msg.

Urgh. When wil ever things be how it used to be? I cant totally blame you. People around you did pose as an influence. I know. I find that a lil selfish. I dont want to come into any conclusions. The only thing I am saying here is that what is happening is probably something I’ve never thought it would happen. Not at all. Never thought this day would come either when things starts to divide and fall.

I don’t know lah. I am frustratd. I am annoyed. I’m trying to accept the fact and stop my stubborness. But urrggghhh. Trying.

I have so many random thoughts in my mind. Nothing emo or nothing happy about either.

I know I am trying to keep my blog active again and to squeeze some brain juice out at this point of time- early in the morning.

Things has been pretty cool. I managed to watch Role Models yesterday and it made me laughed like mad. Well, it certainly did help to patch up my day a little after a boring day at home. Perhaps, I think God was good that the person finished work early to go hang out with me. Although I was sleeping when the person called but I wasn’t that late either.

I enjoyed talking to another person yesterday. The another person made my day. It was a blessing that the fact I did get to talk to her just the whole day. And just so she said she wasnt going to come online. But opps, my turn to ffk, as I am not going to class today. >

I hate the situation I am in now. I hate it. Why me?

Everything is wrong. Everything is changing. Alone. So alone.

I will feel the pinch more tomoro when I am ALL ALONE.

What an aunty to leave me and the house alone and bring everyone out for breakfast and lunch.

And yeah, maid is on leave. What more?

I am feeling sick. Shall prolly just fast tomoro.

I don’t know. I feel like getting upset at someone now.

But I am worried it’d backfire if I don’t do it correctly.

=(

I have failed. I know He wins and I lose.

Many at times, I tend to ‘think’ I am perfect; or at least ‘act’ that I am perfect or even ‘show’ that I am Mr-Know-It-All but perhaps, the more I do so and behave that way, God is teaching me a lesson. Lesson on the weaknesses in me. And it ain’t easy.I do know I have that ego at times but Him revealing the weaknesses in me ONE by ONE could probable strike you so hard.

Worst still, at times, He reveals my weaknesses through other parties. Which makes things worst. I mean, makes me feel worst. I often question myself, ‘How could that possibly be?’. And I will come to a conclusion at the end of the thought, No One Is Perfect.

To a certain extent, I feel like I am justifying it instead of trying to see how I can put these weaknesses into strengths or how I can improve on those weaknesses. It is tough, I tell you. Putting me into heavy thoughts nowadays. Why, Why me? Painful I assure you, but I am trying to learn what surrendering my strengths and weaknesses to God is all about.

Being egoistic (I am emphasising it. Argh), it is so so tough to do such a thing. Trying to just accept that fact that I am not good enough or not on par, may be so difficult. Instead, I am trying to find my own strengths in times like these. I am sure everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, it’s just maybe that mine is more physical? Thats why it affects more? I don’t know.

Surrender. Surrender. Alvin, surrender!

I am also learn what responsibility is all about. Seeing some ignorant leaders, some useless and does-not make sense leaders in and around me, I have learnt. I’ve been seeing people who often finds the easy way out nowadays just because they are not happy, they don’t wanna care anymore, they are fed up. Have they ever thought running away might not be a perfect solution after all?

If you can’t take stress in here, do you think you can take stress out there? Sometimes, running away in just a temporal way out. I have been telling myself it isnt really the right thing to do. What more is that I go through these tough times knowing that He is God and that I will be stronger at the end of the day. Who doesn’t have problems? Who doesn’t have issues? But it is how we deal we it.

Don’t talk about migration. I am talking about the people around me. Classmates, Peers etc. I am learning too. I ain’t perfect but these are some of the random disappointments and thoughts around me.

I am learning to also not be over sensitive. But not giving in all the time. I am referring to someone actually. But well, I know with this person, i tend to merajuk or get upset but yeah, sometimes is the person’s fault but sometimes it is also that person’s fault for not doing his own responsibility. But I don’t know sometimes what to do. I suck at all these stuffs.

And I am learning what decision is all about. Decision that will impact and influence me. Gosh. Talking about this, I am in a dilemma. It is nothing for people to know but I myself know that if my ‘Do it’- I may not get the blessing; if my ‘Don’t do it’- I may regret. But I am praying some miracles to happen but I don’t think it will.

I know I am being more random, but I don’t and can’t afford to see my blog dying =/. I don’t have the mood for blogging daily, but if you do read often, tag on my board pleassseee? So that I know you were here and you read it. Or else it’s not worth updating. Haha. I am finding excuse to be lazy.

In 1 and the half months time, I will be going on my holidays.
In 1 week time, it’ll be my Study Week
In 2 weeks time, it’ll be my Finals
In 3 weeks time, I am free from Foundation
In 3 weeks time, also I’ll be on holiday
In about 7 weeks time, I’ll be flying.. Woooohoooooooooo!~~