i know i know. i should. jst.

I thought pushing things would make things better. Perhaps making things better. Well, truly. Backfired now. And it’s effing painful. At this point of time, my mind runs through a gush of emotions – i dont event know how to write about these emotions.

I know it hurts. But I am learning not to care anymore. I just be that person you want me to be. Maybe I should give it a try since you said a better bonding will work out. I know, as usual – time will do the magic. It has always been a great bonding till things starts to change. But you’d never realise. You’d always think you’ve not. If you’ve not, I wouldnt be this wounded.

I have always prayer you’d realise. I don’t want to threaten you or anything. But I am waiting for the day you realise who has really showed you care and love. Who has really sacrificed 10 times more than anyone else would – financially, emotionally. Emotionally I am running dry. I tried putting that smile 2 days ago. I couldn’t.

I knew it was my bad sometimes. To a certain extent, when you get too close, you tend to merajuk a lot. And sometimes overdoing this sulking can just make the other party upset as well. I didn’t mean to merajuk, but I know I do sometimes. Over the smallest little thing – like a msg.

Urgh. When wil ever things be how it used to be? I cant totally blame you. People around you did pose as an influence. I know. I find that a lil selfish. I dont want to come into any conclusions. The only thing I am saying here is that what is happening is probably something I’ve never thought it would happen. Not at all. Never thought this day would come either when things starts to divide and fall.

I don’t know lah. I am frustratd. I am annoyed. I’m trying to accept the fact and stop my stubborness. But urrggghhh. Trying.