While typing this, I am still ill. I wonder why it takes more than 2 days. The headache is so strong. I didn’t really sleep. My real slept was approximately 4am yesterday. Rolling and rolling on the bed since like 10pm? It is starting to get annoying. Trying all kinds of methods. From salt water to honey and to fruits and to water and to rest and to Malaysian panadols, Australian panadols to Strepsils and Dequadins. It is so pain that I can’t do my assignment properly yesterday. Was so blur altough I wanted to. I know, thanks to FTC and CTL I got this sickness. They are both still sick too now. Flu, flam, cough etc etc. It is not fun not being able to sleep and when you are in pain. Trust me.

OMG. It’s terrible to know that I am sick. At this time where I think lectures and tutorials are just starting to get into me. Although I’ve always been hoping to be sick during the weekdays but this point when assignment are due to release, mid tests are coming. I got myself sick. Had a terrible flu. Having terrible headache. Having painful sore throat. Even in college before I came back. And I felt I have fever when I came back. Not forgetting, I lost my voice. While I am typing this, mucus overflowing, so on and so forth. Gross. I know. But really, wrong time to be sick.

It’s been some time since I last got ill. The last time was probably months ago. Every time I get sick, my mom wouldbe telling me that it was my fault for eating the heaty stuffs and so on. But I was just thinking and I thought this time I probably got it from my classmates as they have also been falling ill. But knowing me, I kept justifying to her that it wasn’t my fault. But after some time, I gave up.

Taking in the pain when one is sick is the most torturing. Although I won’t say that missing lectures and tutorials will be fun cause I know the workload that I will get the next day when I am back. And telling myself to make cheese cakes for my coursemates on Sunday night for Monday. It seems that I forgotten. And when I planned to make it tonight for tomorrow’s class. I failed again miserably for everyone is telling me to get well soon first, which includes my mum. Great procrastinator, I am huh?

On the other hand, it was hilarious how my dad got in to the new house yesterday. Yesterday was the final day of the handing over of the keys. Yet, the owned didn’t hand in the keys. So the impatient dad broke all the chains and all and went in. I am preparing myself mentally for the shift. Physically too. I know I ought to see arguments and all. But looking at the brighter side, I should be happy for a new house. A bigger one. The one I insisted I wanted although it was beyond dad’s budget. I am grateful. But it’s tedious during the shifting period. What more throwing of your things as you won’t want to bring everything over. I really hope I can keep certain things that I have with me. Let’s see how things go.

We often hear many says that the only child gets the attention. We often hear many things about the only child and only child. We seldom get to hear about the oldest child in the family. There are pros and cons being the eldest amongst your siblings. But sometimes I don’t know why I choose to dwell on the cons more than the pros.

Being the eldest, gets mostly all the attention at the beginning before the second one is given birth to. The love, the care and the spotlight; is all on you. However, you don’t get as much of those when your siblings are borned. I also think that being the eldest is like a try-and-error thingy. Where your parents try certain rules and boundaries on you which may or may not be good sometimes. For example, restriction of freedom? You don’t see that happens when your younger siblings comes along after that. They get more freedom after seeing that the older ones still come back alive and well.

Being the eldest obviously, you get all the scolding (or mocking?), at times. You have gotta take responsible of the younger ones. You have to take the blame sometimes of the younger ones. I do get miserably annoyed at times. To me, I’ve not done something wrong! Why me?

I dislike it when someone tells me, ‘Give in! He is your brother’ or ‘Must give things to him or her because they are younger’. I mean somethings I really deserve is given away just like that at times just because of the age gap? I know I sound selfish but in a way, it is not doing any justice to me. And yet, I am reminding myself that life is never fair and it never will be.

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And today, I finished class at 5pm. Unfortunately, due to the fasting season, the LRT is so jam pack and really got me annoyed. The worst nightmare is the hustle and bustle inside the LRT itself. Can you imagine creating scenes in a sandwich-pack-LRT? I mean, it is not like it is empty. Everyone is back-to-back and there you are pushing your friends. Screaming and shouting around like monkeys. Don’t you people feel ashame of yourselves at times? I was almost squeeze to death and there you are enjoying some lil-space-fun in the LRT? Can you put some sense into it? You are not the only one rushing home! I am too. Everyone in the LRT is trying to get to their destination as fast as possible. So, please be considerate. Bear in mind our transport system is not even on a ‘Very Presentable’ mode.

Often at times, we take things so easily. We take things for granted. We do things without even giving a thought on the consequences that will take place. We often think about what is fun, what is cool at that point of time. But I’ve learnt that those fun and cool things are just temporal. It doesn’t last forever. Neither does it do good after some time. Just take for example, I had dirrohea the last whole night till this morning. I don’t know what is the cause of it. Maybe the food I had last night. I am not sure. But there is consequences to everything that we do and everything that we say.

You may not see the consequences now. You might not see the consequences happening on you. But everything we do and say, there are consequences. As I matured older, I’ve learnt a lot from life. The true meaning of life and everything in it. It doesn’t come in just a day. It comes together with the experiences I’ve had. I’ve failed many times yet I’ve picked myself up. It is undeniably true that God won’t give me something beyond what I can bear.

I’ve come to realise that in all my actions, I must think of it’s consequences. Sometimes the consequences might not be the way I’ve thought it would be, but at least I’ve given a thought on it. A least I would minimise the pain, the hurt, the guilt in me and others. Everyone hopes that things will go well. Things will be perfectly fine. But honestly, it won’t be.

Those without even giving a thought on what will happen in the future might risk hurting others and maybe, themselves. Friends are friends. Feelings are feelings. When you have hurt and betrayed the feelings of your friends, it isn’t wrong for the other party to get angry. It was your fault. The consequences sometimes may be friendship. Like it or not, many people covered ‘friends’ with ‘feelings’. It is not as easy to put friends beyond your feelings at times.

Betrayal is something everyone hates. Ignorant too. But what is most important is that you are true to yourself and you think of every consequences that will happen. It could be a short impact or that impact could last forever. I truly don’t want to see splits. I don’t want to see guilt. I don’t want to see a bond ends jst because of an immature incident. I don’t want to see fights. Indeed, I don’t know how much is the price to pay for that incident but I am praying that it won’t be great.

As cliche as it may sound: No one is perfect. We got to accept each other as they are. Accepting their failures and weaknesses. Apparently, it was tough. But we got to learn to adapt and accept. Thats what great friends are for. I wore a spectacle chosing the friends I mixed with for my good. I’ve never regreting meeting such friends. I still trust and believe each individual of us are unique and different. It has been about 3 days, I may seem that I don’t care but inside me, I hope everything will go well tomorrow. I am anticipating for another exciting journey with you people this coming week. I don’t want to run away from the issue. I don’t want to hide.

We have to face it, like it or not. We can’t act as though we’ve never knew each other (although I’ve always had that thought to some people). But this is life, we can’t run away neither can we hide for a long time. Why not let’s face it? It may be pain for now but it may do a good future. For you. For us. =)