It felt great worshipping the Lord together as a church this morning. Given the honour to take the stage to lead the people, I was glad everything went well. It feels so great when you can just put aside everything and just worship Him and Him alone. Singing your hearts out. Meaning the words. Giving and surrendering everything and every part to Him gives a sense of great relieve. Being in the presence of the Lord, just gives you a great fulfillment. It is not about the lights, it is not about the people around, it is not about the stage but it is just about you and the Lord. All in all, every worship session is refreshing. There’s something new installed for me each session. And I look forward to more of these precious times.

Rehearsal yesterday was short. We had a short devotion and a short worship ourselves before the rehearsal to prepare our hearts as we serve Him as a team. We took an approximately 1 hour and we managed to finish and go for our lunch. =)

Without me realising, time flies. The ‘gush’ of time passes so fast. It seemed as if I celebrated my 18th birthday yesterday. it seemed as if Christmas was last week. Time flies. Every Monday comes and Friday will come right after. I look forward to Fridays on Mondays and Weekends on Fridays. And every Sunday, I tell myself, ‘There goes another weekend..’.

And without me realising too, it’s August and now we’re celebrating Independence Day. With the not-so-stable political state in our country, let’s just put those things aside. It used to be, ‘Independence Day?’, ‘Public Holiday lor’. Whats the big deal kinda thing? When I was really young, thats the only thing that comes to mind. Nothing else. Apart from the Public Holidays, I don’t see the true value in it. Because I don’t even know how to celebrate it. If I get angpaus, during Chinese New Year. If I get presents, during Christmas. That was celebration. So Independence Day, I get money or something?

But I’ve learnt to be proud of the city I live in. The country I live in. Although I may not enjoy the current administration and the state of the country, I am proud to be a Malaysian. Having a holiday is no longer the key thing but it’s now the secondary thing. The primary thing here is that our country is now in its 51st year.

Much has been done, much has been said about the current state of the country. At least I am thankful I am in a country where there is no disasters or wars. At least we are still living in peace. Indeed, Malaysia is a unique country you can’t find elsewhere. The multi-cultures in this nation never fails to amazed me. You can’t find it elsewhere.

In a nutshell, I won’t ask you to fly the flag. Because I did not either. But what you can do is to be proud of who you are and be proud of where you were once born.

Come back to the country’s instability and all. I see the need for Jesus to be the God of this City. Only He can brings change. Only He can brings healing. Only He can be the hope to the hopeless. No one else can do such an amazing thing. I look forward to the day where everyone from different states and race to come as one turning their eyes upon Jesus. It will be such a magnificent scene when I am able to see it. I am sure He is and will be the God of this City and He will bring change! I stand in no position to question Where, When and How but I can do my part to pray for this change which will impact many people and their future generations =)

I just felt that I’ve gotta change my layout as I am starting to see the layout go rusting. I was searching and looking for a layout and I found this new layout. I don’t know what you guys think but I felt the need to change and revamp the site. Apart from that, the theme of ‘letting go’ is probably something relevant to me. As I am struggling to let go of things that I often hold so tightly, it might be a timely reminder to let go of things. To surrender it. To give it all out. I don’t know what you guys are to comment on this layout though?

Reading a hilarious post by Mr Warren, my Malaysian Studies and Moral lecturer’s blog.

Enough said. I am starting to get over all the tough times of yesterday. All the miseries. All the problems. It wasn’t that tough as all of us were just friends. Things can be settled easily if wanted to. We can choose to reconcile, we can choose to apologise. However, it wasn’t as easy if it was something to do with him, her. I am definitly more emo if it was them. I am sure you know.

Talking about relationships at 18 is taking away the freedom and fun of a 18 year guy. I beg to differ. Let’s first define ‘freedom’ and ‘fun’. What do people mean here by ‘freedom’ and ‘fun’? Freedom and fun can be something done whether or not you are in a relationship. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are tied down to another person. It doesn’t takes away ALL your freedom.

You can still have fun even if you are in a relationship. Who says you can’t? I am not personalising anything here but it is kind of unfair for people to say that. Well, it could be a selfish thought of just having fun and freedom. If you think carefully, if you are having the correct fun and freedom, what is wrong with being in a relationship? Unless you plan to do something filthy and sinful?

Isn’t it? Thats one piece of my mind. =)

When one chose to think that way, that is often exactly how one will do things at the end of the day. I got somehow miserably annoyed today with things and thoughts that happened around me and my friends. I don’t know how to release this anger and disappointment in me but I have been thinking since the moment I came home until now. My thoughts was like many others, ‘Who was wrong?’, ‘Was I wrong?’, ‘Why this way’. My mind was filled with unanswered Whys!

But coming to think of it in a more matured manner, I was thinking also of, ‘Why do we often blame others when we don’t even check ourselves?’. I was just wondering why mankind likes to push and put all the blames on others and fails to check on they themselves. I am not excluded. I often throw the ball all around to others in the hope that it doesn’t comes back to me. We often say point the fingers at people when we don’t bother pointing the fingers back to ourselves.

There are also people who often comprehends of the negative side of things only. They only think about what bad things will happen if we do this and do that. It often brings so much restrictions to how things turned out to be. It gives pressure to the people around. Why and who are we to judge what the results will be when we have not even given a try onto certain things?

I often say that people have different level of maturity. Everyone claims to be matured, to my suprise. Everyone points the fingers to each other for being childish and all. But do we know what maturity is all about? Maturity has no measurements. Maturity is something developed. What’s the fuss about being childish and matured? I see no sense in using it as an excuse. Asking neutralised parties which side they are in sounds even more pathetic. It’s like someone standing for a by-election or something like that.

Egoistic is another part of it. Everyone refuses to apologise. Refuses to give up. No one’s right. Yet it seems no one’s wrong too. What is wrong with a word of apology? What is wrong in saying something like Sorry. It isn’t that tough. But ego is holding back the word of Sorry.

All in all, a long story. A miserable one. People concern should reconcile? Certain things done can’t be undone. Certain things said can’t be taken back. But maybe an apology can make things right no matter how long it may take to heal the wounds. But I see it as a necessity.

Ivan asked me to ask people around me, ‘Do you think being in a relationship at the age of 18 takes away your freedom of being 18?’ Tell me about it =)

When everyone is using the rainy season to describe their feelings, I thought I could use it as an analogy too. But the sadness is that most people are relating the rain to something sad, something unhappy, something disappointing. But the first thing that rain brings to my mind is the word PROMISES.

Diverting from the topic, I have told myself to always look at things the brighter side. If my mind comprehends the bad, it will turn out to be the bad. Telling myself to look at things from the right perspective might probably make me a happier and cheerful person.

PROMISES. Why rain and why promise?
In short: It’s the BIBLE, during Noah’s time. The rain brought the rainbow which brought the promises.

Promises are something people make to another party or another person. It is something I think brings more weight than laws or regulations (Opps.. =D) Our words are sometimes considered promises. Or perhaps, often considered promises.

Some promises you think, may be easy to fulfill it, but some are really not. The rain brings me promises everyday (lately lah) that the LORD loves me. I suppose it isn’t easy for the LORD to love a sinner like me? His grace and mercy is just so free I see.

Being in the same way in reality, it isn’t easy to keep promises. I know I’ve failed many. Perhaps, I’ve failed myself, I’ve failed people. In the sense that I just fails to keep the promises I make to myself and others. In a period of time, I get so determined and promise myself of certain things which I thought I was capable at but yet I was not.

On the other hand, I made promises to others which I though I’ve not fulfilled it too. Somehow, you may want to be angry with me, or upset with me. Sometimes somethings are beyond my control. I am not blaming everything I failed to do to ‘beyond my control’ excuse but somehow it is tough keeping promises for some reasons I don’t know.

For instance, I made a promise to someone to be understanding due to this someone’s busy schedule right now. I failed keeping my promises so many times. I feel guilty every time I get so upset with this person for his actions and ignorance. I do tell myself that I need to be patient, I need to be understanding but yet I am trying so hard. I am really trying. This person knows. This person made me promise because this person know I’d get upset but yet this person isn’t blaming me for this person knows I care.

Promises. It isn’t as easy as you think it is. I am sure you have failed keeping your promise at least once? How much I too, wish the rain could wipe of the feeling of guilt in me, but it can’t honestly. All I can ask if of the Lord’s grace and mercy. Only He gives grace so freely. Only He loves me like no one else do.

You know this topic was already on my mind since yesterday (Saturday) and when I had a chat with some people this afternoon in church, I just thought maybe God was trying to teach me something about double standards. I am sure many people knows what double standard is. It is when you say something, you do a different thing. Or you treat different people differently based on their status, wealth and so on.

I don’t deny that everyone is selfish in their own way. Like it or not, you are in a way selfish to a certain extent.

I just got a little agitated…

1. … when X told me X is busy and can’t even spare some time out for me when I found out X has been having hilarious conversations all over with X’s friends. And don’t call me someone important to you. X comes to me when X is in need.
Well, X is actually 2 person in my life. Sadness isn’t it?

2. … when Y said NO to me, and yet Y went to somewhere who Y is closer to, and say YES over the same thing.

Don’t you get so annoyed at times when this happens? In a way, you feel cheated at times. You feels that you are insignificant. You feel so intimidated to even want to talk to that person ever again. Don’t you know that you are that selfish to do such a thing to me when all I do at times is to keep waiting for an apology?

It has been hilarious following the political issues in our country. We had a random chat in class while waiting for Ms Sunita (my ITA Lecturer) to enter the class. Politics was what we were talking about. While some claims that it is boring; some interesting; some stupid, I find it matured. It feels as though as you are matured to be talking about Politics.

We analysed, we commented, we criticised, we supported- the politics in Malaysia. Malaysians now know that they aren’t in safe hands. Government can change anytime, petrol price goes dwingling so on and so forth. Not in safe hands means anytime, things can change. And it might not be for the good.

We all know that the leaders are all striving for the best of the nation. But on the other hand, they are also striving the best for their name and income. I am sure you know what I mean. We were just thinking about certain leaders who lost in the general election in March. Some definitly deserves to lose, some we know should win but did not. But it isn’t in our hands to judge or to select leaders of other constituients either.

We also talked about how certain leaders behave. Their attitude, their cruelty, their kindness etc. But I was just thinking to myself, we may be busy commenting, but undeniably true that leaders faces more temptation, most obstacles , more rejection. It isn’t so easy being a leader. It is easy to say, ‘If I was the Prime Minister …’ but the true fact, things are not as simple as you think. Don’t get me wrong. I am not being pro-government neither am I against them. I am just generalising my thoughts and our opinions.

We have also just heard of the decrease in oil fuel price. But yet, yesterday the papers announced that the new rate will be announced on August 31st. But yet, the next day, it was already announced. It somehow makes me feel that I was cheated by the government. It’s like promises made not kept, rules made were broken. As everyone is rejoicing over the fuel decrease of approx. 15cents, I am here wondering why is the decrease only 15cents when other countries have been reducing way more than just 15cents.

And we were pondering, by the next election, most of us can already vote. And it seems that we see the victory of the Opposition party as the younger generation tends to vote for the Opposition for the sake of voting something against. My advice and view is that we should be voting for the right leader, not the Opposition for the sake of doing it. But if of course, if the leaders in the Opposition is good, the vote. Or if the Government has a better leader, then vote. Why vote for the sake of voting when we knows it doesn’t bring much changes to our nation?

As another part of our country goes through election, many is and are wondering what will happen if HE wins, or if HE doesnt win. Things goes so uncertain but I know one thing that He is truly in control. His love for His people will never fade no matter how terrible things may be. I am sure He won’t give something that we can’t bear. As citizens, all we can do is to elect the right people, pray for the right people. Pray for a REVOLUTION. Pray for a CHANGE. Pray for a REVIVAL!

*This post was not meant to offend anyone.

I’ve been having a very long, excited yet boring week. Semester 2 has give me more headache than fun. The subjects are not as crappy as it used to be. Not as easy as it used to be. Lecturers are not good as before. Now I am stuck with my own efforts and initiative. Everything has to be done and studied by myself. Yet I see that as the true meaning and value of education. Education has lost it’s true meaning as time goes by(quoting from an article). Education used to be the essence and pathway for everyone successful. It is just a pathway, not the way to being successful. Of course there are many things that can make one successful apart from just education.

The true meaning of education is self-learn and not spoon-fed. In our beloved country, education is rather more to spoon-fed than self learn or researches. Yet I see the true meaning and value of education as above as I am forced to self-learn because of the terrible, inexperience lecturers. They try and try to spoon-feed yet it is unsuccessful. I see the true value on one hand, and the misery on the other hand. I am taking it as a training ground for myself to be exposed to new things. But it is important that education is given the correct way.

However, I do see when one seeks to give his or her best, the results does change (not matter how bad he or she is). Seeing how much one of my lecturer has changed since she first entered my class is just an eye-opening experience. I can see that she seeks to give it her best shot and her efforts to teach no matter how bizarre the class is. I won’t say that she is tough yet she gets going. I am not saying that I’ve been a good guinea pig to her since I hated her at the beginning too. But wells, it could have been better if she was already who she is now previously. Seeing her pour effort into her work just makes me feel guilty if I don’t do her work.

I still hate my Semester 2 timetable. It is such a misery to have classes ends at 5, 630 and 7 every single day I am in college except for Thursdays which I finish at 1015am. I get so lethargic the moment I reached home. I just feel like sleeping and my eyes were just closing. But I guess I have to endure for now until our complaints get accepted by the poor-old-lady (who is on leave for a week) in charge of our intake. You know how old-poor-M-ladies do their work. Not the first time I have encounter it anyways. They are just ignorant, lazy and often finds the easy way out.

I promise I will follow up with my feedback. If I don’t get a prompt reply after 7working days. Trust me. I’d shoot them with another official complain. I mean, at least give us a reply to tell us that our feedback have been read even if you FAIL to give me and my gang an explanation. And if you can’t give a reply (or don’t dare), then don’t promise the students and don’t encourage feedbacks. And the are training tomorrow’s professional today? I suppose they themselves are professionally unprofessional.

I got so annoyed and pissed the other day when I went to sit for my Maths test at BBJ. Yes, it was held at the exam hall for such a small test at a place 10minutes away from campus. I found out that I was sitting for a resit paper which had questions ranging for Chapter 1-12. It made it as though as I’ve failed the module although I did not. I applied for Test 1 which was supposed to be from Chapter 1-6. And it was supposed to be 1 and the half hour. Not two. Yes, I failed to do the last 6 Chapters. They were just making things easier for the admin by not needing to prepare so many papers. If you were in my shoes, sitting for an exam that you know will determine your marks, in such a condition, how would you feel? It’s an exam that will add into my marks. Not just any quizes.

Had a very interesting day yesterday. A very motivating day I’d say. I was just smiling at the end of yesterday to myself. Firstly, the Prostitutions-Debates, we won. I’d say that it was a very interactive and fun debate. I did put that little glimpse of hope and expected a victory. Nothing but victory and yeah, we won. I suppose that it was an easy win because the other party did not really have stats and facts to back up their points. Coming to think about it, I thank St.John’s for giving me such good and solid foundation in dramas and debates. ISKL, Inter-school, Inter-class has definitly contributed to who I am now. It helps me so much with the wide exposure I’ve got being in St.John’s. With good teachers looking after you and guiding you, I know the drama and debates knowledge imparted to me is definitly still in me.

Things get so easy when you’ve faced even worst challenges. I remembered when I was in ISKL for 2-2 debates, it was tough. It wasn’t easy debating with debators from international school But it widened my experience and knowledge. I may have lost, but the lost has garned me more victories when I am out now. I am more than grateful to know that I was in a school that has gave me such platforms and foundations.

Secondly, when Ivan sms-ed Yen Fen on the Organsational Social and Environment results, I stare with disbelief. According to Ivan and maybe Ms Civilised, I’ve got an A+ for that Module for Semester 1. That was the module I feared the most, I had to memorise so much and I did it all in 1 night. It was tough but I guess by God’s grace, I made it through again. Coming to think about it, I crapped a lot in the paper (as usual lah!). The many examples and all was all made up with some Uncivilised thinking. I still wonder if it is true, cause you know the 2-above-mentioned people can’t be trusted =D. I meant the mastermind of this result thingy can’t be trusted. But well, better look at things the brighter side right? =D Since I’ve targeted an A+ for all my module EXCEPT MATHS. I just hate Maths, I am sure you guys know by now.

I just got a little agitated when someone suddenly asked for emergency credit. And so on and so forth. I don’t care and want to elaborate. Read my MSN Nick and PM and you will know.

I have come to a point (when the political situation in Malaysia is such a mess) where I wonder why Malaysia still can’t be a developed nation. Or perhaps, a developing nation to be. You ever took time to wonder why and what is hindering us from great developments that lies ahead? The People!

I am not gonna discriminate who did right and who did wrong but as a general overview, the people are the ones hindering the country’s growth; especially people in high positions. Malaysia has a great potential to prosper and to be developed. However, with those in power handling the finance and matters, Malaysia will only continue to suffer and not prosper.

I am ending this here as I leave it to what you want to think about what I’ve just written. I don’t want to bother elaborating. This came into my mind after having dinner with someone just now. Coming to hear facts and stories of our very own beloved country, it saddens me. I know it is the right thing to keep it short as I know it’s not relevant to many of my readers genre. =)

Location: Starbucks KLCC

I was feeling the pinch when I was in LRT jst now. I saw a parent, perhaps it was parents abusing their children. Not exactly abusing. But it was basically how parents punish and discipline their kids. I saw 2 scenarios. One was when the mother just hit the thigh of a child age 3-4. And the other hit the child aged 7-8, basically hit her on the head and whacked her from the back because she chose to use the other exit from the LRT.

I am not against punishment nor discipline. Neither am I against parents. Let’s just be fair. Kids are naughty. Who isn’t naughty? If a kid isn’t naughty, they aren’t kids. Kids tend to be naughty and there are many different levels of naughty. On the other hand, there are also various level of discipline. What happened was these parents just hit the kids’ head, back, thigh and so on and so forth without even explaining what the kid did wrong.

Not only that, the parents go cursing and swearing at the kids. And telling them all kinds of words kids should not be hearing. They might be naughty, but proper discipline should be carried out instead of just hitting them. Basically I call that abuse. And swearing and demotivating the kids like that? It’s a no-no. The child might not only get inferior in the furture but might have low self esteem and rebelious atitudes when they grow up. The child will then catch hold of these ugly words and do the same thing to their children or friends.

How would the world become if all parents do that to their children? Everyone cursing and swearing. Abusing in public and so on. What is the world gonna be like? Parents should learn to discipline their kids in a right manner. Not just doing it for the sake of doing it. I have not even mention fathers who comes back and abuse their kids after a long day at work or being drunk. Discipline is vital for all children. Doing it in a proper manner will do lots of benefits.

To me, a parents should maybe always gives warnings to their kids. And punish or cane when the rules are breached. And thereafter, explain why the disciplinary was taken and then show care and love to make them feel secure. Children should know that parents loves them and not torture them. When kids knows that you are doing it the right way, they learn to respect you for the way you are for keeping your promises. That, ultimately should be the right way. Not disciplining them without reasons or explanations.

Kids and childrens have feelings. They have a sense of belonging too. What you do is what they do in return. They observe you when you least expect them too. Proper examples has to be shown to the kids. I have personally seen children that behaves really well and acts just like their parents does. They respect and they communicate well.

Parents too should not force and give high expectations to their kids. It kills them. I’ve heard of parents who does that, and when their children does not get the desired results, they cane; they curese; they swear. What is this all about? Every children have their pace of learning. Even adults too. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has ther own unique capabilities. You cannot force a child to excel in a subject you enjoy most because their interest might be different from yours.

I am grateful and thankful to be in a hime where discipline was carried out in a proper manner. When I was young, I go hiding and running when my parents wants to cane me. I go running away when they shout at me for not doing certain things. But as I grew older, I realised it was my fault over certain things. It did got me a lil upset and rebellious at the beginning but after a few days, I know and realise why I got punished, why I got caning. I learnt from it. Even at times when my parents explain to me, I choose to reject and put the blame on others but as I grew older, it kept me thinking that it was all done for my good.

I knew if it was not done, I wouldn’t be who I am now. The confidence in me belongs to my parents who have showered me with care and disciplined me with love. If I wasn’t diciplined, maybe I am someone who is notorious right now. Nevertheless, I know I am the first child, much more expectations were put on me. Much more hope is exerted on me. But not denying the fact that much more love was showered to me too. It was all fair for me, I’d say.

I know many disagrees that punishments should not be carried out. But I can’t imagine a world where there is no discipline. Neither can I imagine a world where all the kids are just loved and cared for. I don’t know how these kids will grow up to be but as for me and my experiences handling kids and talking to people, I know discipline is essential in a home with kids. It may bring pain but the pain is so temporal so that they can learn.

Different approach are needed when the kids grow older. Caning will no longer work. Parents has to be wise in handling their own kids.

Kids are ultimately the cutest things on earth God has created; yet the most notorious ones are the kids themselves too. Let’s be fair to the kids and not abuse them unnecessarily so that they grow up to be a better, wiser and stronger person in the future. I love kids and yet I don’t overly-manja them. Kids indeed does bring colours to one’s lives =)

I am sorry for neglecting this place for a while as I’ve been a little frustrated over my desktop which got virus, my miserable Semester 2, my work and all. But I am able to truly spend some time alone and just keep myself away from communication. I know many are hunting me down as I don’t and refuse to reply to smses. And I mean seriously, I don’t reply to any question or whatsoever. And now my Maxis phone has RM 315.50 worth of credit and Digi another RM 80. That shows how much I use for the past few months.

Many have been asking and will be asking why is Alvin Kok turning into some “emo-freak”. I am here to say I am not. I am someone who is emotional to a certain extent. Not to till the heaven so high that you people are talking about. Being in teenage years isn’t easy. With the amount of pressure you have to succumb to, the amount of work that you have to cope with, the criticism people throws at you. It is tough. But being a teenager who falls down and cry and thereafter picks himself up and tries even more is someone who will be successful.

I am in the process of learning so much about life. You may say it’s late but to me, it’s better late than never. Learning more and more each day as I go through each ordeal, hurt and pain. I can’t deny I will be hurt; just for a moment and after that I pick myself up and start all over again. In the same way, I am learning to understand people and their behaviours. Learning not to just understand but analyse. I know it is not too good but from there, I learn how to be someone even better.

Life is something given by God which is so wonderful and something that man could enjoy and grow. It is an endless learning experience. You may be old, but yet you are still learning. Thats what I think; at least. I am in a good mood today, so wells. You can’t read my emo stuffs- for those of you who thought I would =D