No one will ever understand what I am going through this time. I once thought to myself that the SPM period was tough but this is tougher. This is not about exams. This is about feelings, emotions and anything else in common. I know I got missing in the blogging arena for quite some time because I am just too lazy to pour out my thoughts already. I am tired of doing so. Repeating the same old thing and I wonder whether people still reads my blog?

I sometimes wonder why I can sacrifice so much towards the one I love. I really question myself. I’ve not been sleeping really well, honestly. I am so tired. My mind keeps thinking, questioning and answering and it is really bothering when you are so freaking tired. It ain’t no fun. I wish I can just smack everything down at you guys’ face and say goodbye but I can’t.

Protecting feelings of the one you love ain’t easy. You hide, you manipulate and do all kind of nonsense just to protect him and her. It is sometime so ridiculous when you think back but yet, you still did it. I admit, I am emotionally wounded. I wished someone could just stand by me and put him or herself in my shoes to really understand me.

I don’t know why I give hope to myself when sometimes I know it is the end. I wished the both of them would one day come back to me and apologise for wht they have done and give me their best. Dreaming, I know. But yet I give myself that pathetic hope. I wished I had a time machine with me. The first thing I would do with it is to put myself back into 2006.

I gotta admit. I miss both of them so damn much! So so so damn much. Life without them is disastrous I would say. It is empty. They used to fill my life with so much joy but things will never be the same. It’s hurting here so deep yet I am holding on, still getting stuffs for them. It is starting to make me really weak. My laughter will never be real if I am gonna lose them. I am never gonna forget any of them and my heart will never ever change. I hope if he doesnt reads this, she does. And this sis really does mean something to me.

Waiting and waiting and waiting aimlessly.. :'(