I know my strength is limited.

I am just an ordinary human.

Nothing special in other’s eyes but someone extraordinary in the LORD’s eyes.

I have been going through a lot. With exams coming up, clearing of clubs and society’s stuffs in the school, prefectorial reports, studies. I know I have limited strenth but I am glad that till this very day, I managed to survived with the LORD’s strength. I somehow feel tired and stress out over so many things at this point of time. But everytime I see the seed I have sow, the things I have done with the LORD’s strength, I get the joy.

At some point of time, I get disappointed. I get mad. I get ridiculous but there are just 2 songs that have been playing in my head for the past few weeks that have spurred me on to do my best and to give my all. And to be more scarificial. Everytime I hear the melody and lyrics of the song ‘TRUST HIS HEART’ and ‘GOD WILL MAKE A WAY’, it reminds me that it is not what I do that matters, it is what He has done in me and He is going to do that matters.

At times, I really hate my books, but relying on Him is a great challenge. I know I am weak. I don’t even dare to imagine what my results will be like but I know God has something great installed for me. Something bigger than I can comprehend. I know I gotta lean on Him, no one else can help me at this point of time- not even myself.

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TRUST HIS HEART by Babbie Mason

All things work for our good

though sometimes we can’t see how they could

struggles that break our hearts in two

sometimes blinds us to the truth

Our Father knows what’s best for us

His ways are not our own

So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can’t see Him

Remember you’re never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind

So when you don’t understand

When you don’t see His plan

When you can’t trace His hand

Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan

And He holds our future in His hands

So don’t live as those who have no hope

All our hope is found in Him

We see the present clearly

But He sees the first and the last

And like a tapestry He’s weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

He alone is faithful and true

He alone knows what is best for you

So when you don’t understand

When you don’t see His plan

When you can’t trace His hand trust His heart

Feelings.

I wished I knew how to control my own feelings. I knew and admit I was wrong to dislike her for my own selfish sake but I just couldn’t control. I finally managed to put the hurt aside and forgive her. I knew in the beginning, things were going to be tough. But I managed to go through it- with a lil pain though. I knew I would be hated, right from the start. For what I did wasn’t right.

At times, I wished I had the self control over the things that I do and I feel. Feelings comes naturally and I sometimes fail to see and do what is right. I wished that feelings were something that I can control easily and not something that controls me easily. For I know when it controls me, it affects the people around me too.

All in all, I was not right to dislike people I know. Not even to discriminate people. I am learning from all the things that has happened lately. I know sometimes it will cause pain to me but I have to learn or else I know things will not be good.

Sometimes, I really hope to know what I am doing. I don’t want to be ‘grey’. But on the other hand, can someone just put him/herself in my shoes and see things the way I see sometimes. I really hope there is such a ‘someone’ who understand and care for me as much as I care for him/her maybe?

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On the other hand, SPM is pretty near. I know. I am trying too no matter how emotional things can get. I have never studied so many hours in a day. Really. Well, there are so many things yet to be covered and I know I am in hot soup.

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I don’t know what I was typing. If it makes no sense, forget about it =S

In a bad mood. Not in the mood to blog. Will be back as soon as possible. Sorry.

And I am just plain unlucky lately… SIGH =(