…

Life in me is like a roller coaster.
Never stable, it goes up and down.
Nothing is certain within me. I just don’t know why.
I have said it counltess times and i am saying it again: I really wish things were like 2006!
It’s a hell I have been through,
Wish there is always an angel on my shoulder.
Sine the start of the year, things were already wrong and it is now getting even worst.

I am trying..
Really.. I am..
I have tried so hard to make your very own advise sink into my damn brains.
And wish all da stupid cells inside can accept those facts.
What you said were not all wrong- Starting the year right, and it should be okay..
I have tried, not like i did not?
But nothing seems to work..
I am tired of faking things out..
Really, i am..
The smile on my face is so fake.
I know you sense it.
My thinking isn’t right these days.
Worst still, imagine, alvin kok who doesn’t feels like eating? or even going out.

Sometimes, I just need that special time alone.
Life here is really like hell, now…
Deep within me, i know that my Lord is with me..
But why must everything be this fake?
Those special happy and joyous moments are still in my mind as it was just yesterday.
Must all good times end so abrutly? Must it?
I wish i had an answer to why things are like this!
Never have i ever thought life would go this way.
I know i am being very really negative, but do i have a choice?
I wish i had…

I am tired of faking things out..
The smile, the handshakes, the words, the care and the love..
I know i am an actor, a naturally born actor who is suppose to act out the life of Alvin Kok!
But does it really mean I have to really act out every single bit of it?
This acting is so different, it is basically lies, fakeness and all..
Wish i can be that good actor who jsut acts out the real Alvin Kok!
Is it that tough? Is it?

I don’t know.. I am confused as to why must things be or end up this way.
I really am..
And if you are really reading it now, and if you don’t know the Alvin Kok of 2007, you should know me by now…

Probably this is just the sick life of mine…