When nothing is right, nothing sounds right, GOD IS RIGHT!

I may be expressing my whole lots of anger in my blog again, but yet, it is so true that i could not resist myself but to write it down…

I don’t know… Sometimes, being so good hearted helping people, can end up getting urself in hot soup. Thats what I hate so much! I don’t get the point here! I am helping people and yet, I get the scolding for unfinished and delayed work… It’s so ridiculous…

Oh, so does that means I should just fold my arms and just see the things in front of my eyes get worst? I really don’t understand! It is so true that, when everything ain’t right, GOD is right in someways or another. I know I have friends who is by my side always -who comfort and care for me. They have just be fabulous.

This week has been s hectic especially with ROCK SUNDAY and ROCK ANNIVERSARY. Everything is also like so RUSH… and yea, ended up, i did the work again… sighh…

It has been some time since I blog-ed, cuz i have been freaking busyyyy with stuffs and yea, my blogging juices sudah hilang! SO, who cares.. I’ll get abck here when I feel like it….

Sigh Sigh Sigh…
GOD KNOWS!

And by the way, HAPPY 10th ANNIVERSARY ROCK!

When I feel that there is no one who cares for me, I always felt more of God’s presence in my life. Yeah, I may be depressed when I am lonely and there is no one there for me. But for that period of time, I learn to depend on God. Not that I am saying I am always lonely, but at times even if there is friends around, I don’t feel like talking to them. Whilst not wanting to talk to them maybe my fault, but probably is the time where God wants me to understand something. I do know I lack trust at times but His love, grace and mercy always carries me through. He is just amazing. As I grew older, I start to feel the more of His presence in my life. You may think this is no true story but I can testify it is true.

In times of help and my loneliness, God always send me friends. It is just that particular right time, where the people will just sms me unexpectedly. Isn’t He amazing?

Today was my Physics and Chemistry paper. A certified-death paper, I call it. Before exams, I go into the hall telling myself and reminding myself with the song God Will Make A Way. Indeed, he made a way for my Physics paper. I felt that someone was writing answers for me. Not so for my Chemistry paper. Although I trusted He will do miracles, but my Chemistry paper was so easy. For the first time, I left answers blank. I used do use a M-16 and shoot all the don’t know questions, but I didn’t for Chemistry because Chemistry equations can’t just be tembak-ed. I don’t want to feel stupid when teacher return my paper. I rather have it blank. Poor me…

Tomorrow is my Add Maths paper, it’s a nightmare! I think I definitely can’t sleep tonight. Sigh.. I am just worry I will flunk the paper! Will I? I have got to wait till tomorrow comes…

Till then, sigh..

IT’S FINALLY THE WEEKEND. I mean everyday I anticipate for the arrival Friday. I just love Friday and I can’t wait for Saturday and Sunday, when I get to meet up with people whom I really feel like meeting up with. It feels great when it is Friday. When it is Friday’s I have this enthusiasm in doing anything and everything, because it is just so close to the weekends.

I do admit I have Monday blues. I do!! You can see the moody Alvin walking around like a zombie in a bad mood in school. Everything just doesn’t make sense on Monday. =(

Not to be ashamed to tell that I have mood swings as well. I can really be in a bad mood when something bad just happens. My face will be as black as charcoal. And chatting with me on MSN will get stupid response, just like when you’re chatting with ghosts. I know it may be weird but yeah, so what? I can be really be irritated and agitated at times till I don’t bother looking at my phone. Those who know me well will know that, phone is part of my life. And it’s kinda hard to see me not with my phone. But at times, I just don’t feel like answering any phone calls and replying any of the messages. I can be that annoyed. Try me if you don’t believe. And I do hate it when people who are suppose to reply messages; don’t reply out of a sudden. Yeah, you know who you are. I don’t exactly hate it but I just find it a bit too much. I am bothered by it. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair for me to reply you straight away and you, not to even bother or take your own sweet time to reply? Yeah, but to some extent, I don’t really mind. Not trying to make anyone feel guilty here but just a piece of my mind. But it is nothing lah, actually… Probably I am just a bit over sensitive at times.

I do feel that as I grow older, I began to be over-sensitive. And when I am over-sensitive, I tend to over-react. I just have no idea what on mother earth is wrong but it is probably just part of growing up, I guess… I don’t wish to feel like that but sometimes it just pops up. Not that I can stop my mind from excessive thinking or something. Haha

Okay, enough of some nuisance thoughts from me. Please understand that the writer is sitting for his exams. Therefore, it is the tense and pressure that has cause him to spill his evil thoughts in this blog of his. =)

Good day, people!

Sometimes I just feel miserably annoyed. I don’t wanna elaborate on it. People involve should know who they are.

All I can say is that some people’s mentality suck, especially that pure Chinese mentality. I am not being a hypocrite here trying to criticize my own race or anything. But I would just like to make some damn remarks here: SOME Chinese really have their own thinking that is so so so so so wrong! I just couldn’t emphasize any much further, but yea- their thinking is so bad. When thinking is bad, actions is equally bad. Words they use penetrates right deep into your heart. It is really painful at times. But I just kept quiet to avoid any hell of problems that will continue. They also have this mentality of not forgetting. I mean, yea, problems to pop up but they just won’t stop whining about it! I am not being ironic but it is just so true. I just don’t wanna talk any longer on it And I repeat, I am not criticizing my own race or anything. This is just true! Notice around and you’ll see…

I am miserably annoyed not only because of the above- there are many factors related to it. Chinese mentality is just one of them.

Chinese being Chinese, maybe- the kiasu attitude, the wanting to win attitudes…

Total rubbish I find it.

Okay, yeah.. I hate exams since God-knows-when. It is total nightmare. Yeah, I may be the few best in the class… But it is USED TO BE. I am no more one of the few best. Probably my feelings of giving up everytime I open my books. I feel helpless and I would just stare at the books like I am learning something. I don’t have anymore of those enthusiasms I used to have in studying since some time ago. It is obvious that I couldn’t care when my friends come and ask me ‘How is exams?’, ‘Oh, what a result’, ‘Haha, Alvin is lower than me’. Yeah, so what? I am lower! I am more terrible! Any other words you want me to add. You guys beat me, so? Happy izit? You think I really give a damn about it? I don’t. I used to when I was in Form 3, but no more! Even the stupidest boy could probably be smarter than me…. Ah, like I said- Who cares? I don’t have the kiasu attitude! Furthermore, I study for knowledge! Since when have I ever study for exams? Never in my life- I tell you!

I am just not into that good mood nowadays. Thanks to that particular some people. If you people reads this and suddenly felt a pinch in yourself. Yeah, that’s you! YOU! You made my life miserable. Either you come and apologize for all that you have done or you can just shut up and let me dislike you forever! Too bad…. No other remedy!

When it just isn’t my month, have been sick for the past consecutive weeks and yeah, it is exams week… which basically means finals for my Form 4.

Headache, headache and headache all day long just isn’t good… I kinda feel that my body is weak this few weeks. I don’t know what is happening but I am feeling helpless in this state of health…

Exams started 2 days ago and everything is kinda fine although I don’t really think I will do well… Yeap, and the first day of exams got me very pissed. It was really a horrible way to start my week. Everything kinda went wrong, what I wrote wasn’t right, writing the wrong things is just making me worst. I don’t know what I was writing. And the fact that if I do well, all glory belongs to the Lord for I think He wrote those essays for me. I don’t think I was writing and part of it. When the exam time is over, I noticed- “Wow, I finished’. Time flew that fast that particular moment that I didn’t even notice. It was a 2 and a half hour paper but ended up, it was like a 5minutes paper. Part of the miseries were contributed with the haze. Haze is so damn terrible in the city, my school can hardly see the KL Tower. What the crap I was doing the past few days left unanswered. This is just a short blog writing of how I am feeling being a helpless human being in times of difficulties. Cioz.

Alvin

When you find that everything you do, just ain’t right makes you feel like giving up at times…

I find that I am trying so hard to studyyy…
trying and trying and trying… but I just can’t concentrate…
end i end up being on frenster, being on blogger(like now), going through mails…

ish…. i just find that everything i am doing is just plain weird….
i am sick and trying to tell myself i need to at least read a bit.. but i can’t! i jsut don’t know whyyy….
i really need someone to scold me and push me, then i’ll study i guess…
My spirits in FORM 3 PMR is all missing… hmph,….
thats all for now, i guess…

I find it so hard to forgive people nowadays..
The word ‘It’s okay’, ‘Don’t worry’, ‘Everything is fine’, I just can’t express it just like that!
Yess, it is like taking the world from meee…
Well, of course i do forgive people, but not everyone,
sometimes, things done needs a lot of time to recover or perhaps reflection over the wrongdoings of others…
It is not that I don’t want to forgive, but it is really hard at times…

People who have not talk to me for long due to some issues suddenly came up to me this few days and say hi and his person started noticing me! =p
I was like, ‘owwh… okay’ and yeah, u guessed it right there… I did not replied this person!
I felt a lil guilty after that but i think i need time to really see what works best between us.
Instead of just saying a hi and accepting people’s apology just like that is kinda lame plus i have NOT forget what actually happened…
Although what actually happened wasn’t a big deal after alll..
I just felt uncomfortable replying this person anymore…
I am controlling my emotions once again,
the guilty feelings are felt is so strong till for once, i thought I was the one in the wrong..
Knowing well, I wasn’t! =p
On the other hand, being brought up from a CHristian background which teaches me to forgive and forget is yet not forgotten…
I am trying, and I hope I am not trying too hard and that everything will just be okay…
I don’t mind having this person as a friend, but I need to take consideration of the things he has done to me, the influence he is going to give to me, the impact he is in my life…
I don’t wanna be influenced and affected by people so easily…
Therefore, a real forgiveness from me needs a lot of time….

I am sincerely sorry to say this but yeah, this is what I have been thinking for the past days..

And owh, yeah…
I’ve been invited by Actors Studio Bangsar to be involve in a pioneer program that wll be aired on National Television. I don’t know if it is really genuine, but will seee =p

And yeah, acting maybe one of my interest but not my occupation, I hope…
But wherever my Lord leads, I follow…

Alvin