I used to think that no one reads my blog. However, the traffic says that in the past 4days, there were 317 readers that came into my blog. It’s such amazing that people do care to come and read about me and my boring, dull life. Maybe what you read inspires you; or it either piss you off all the time. I don’t know but I hope you know the purpose of reading my blog. It motivates me to blog even more.
Tomorrow will be my English Language Writing Test. Amazing isn’t it? Thats why I am practising some writing skills here first. Because I know that I’ve not written a proper essay with proper gramatical and sentence structure. The last was during SPM i suppose? Count the number of months since then? So, I am worried I’d say. Many in class will say Alvin will do well in this subject. However, the more you people say that, the more inferior and demotivated I get. I get even more worried when you people say such things. Okay, I know, am trying to live up on their standards again. But really, it gets me go easy the more you people says such things to me. I’d rather you guys say that I am terrible in English, I suck at it and lots more. I know I am weird, absurd, bizarre and perhaps silly. See, practising voabulary too.
Exams will officially start next next next Friday. And exams will officially end a day before my birthday. I was praying that my exam doesnt falls on my birthday. And true enough, it is on a Saturday and Friday is my last day of examinations. FUN- is the word on my mind! My parents won’t be around. i’ve some sort expected it. They will not be around for my birthday usually as the BWA Meetings always falls on the week of my birthday. I can probably get some freedom I hope?
I am expecting nothing much from my birthday. Honestly, I don’t want to expect anything neither do I want to make any plans for it. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn’t, let me sleep with the rain all night long. I don’t mind. Yesterday’s sleep was so comforting and peaceful. I know many were up watching EURO Finals but I was deeply asleep and I didn’t want to wake up this morning for college. I perhaps wanted to skip class. But I made the choice to attend it since it was just an English tutorial.
Many have asked and are still asking why I hate JUNE so much. For those who do not know, I HATE JUNE. Apart from the camp, nothing in JUNE does much good to me except torture. It’s all the bad memories in JUNE i suppose that makes me hate it so much. I hate the first few days of June because that was the day all nightmare began. I hate middle of June because I usually have some issues and problems. And for this year, I hate June because of ignorance. Well, there is always something I don’t like about June, seriously. And finally today is the last day of it. Thanks for reminding me in college people!
I am looking forward to see what JULY has installed for me. Every year, JULY seems to be the happiest month I can ever get apart from Christmas. It is NOT because of my birthday; neither is it because of *that* event. But more of just JULY has more things that’d make me happy. JULY has many birthdays and hence many celebrations. JULY because it is after half of the year. JULY because of that specific *event of course* and so on and so forth. I hope things will be better for me?
However, JULY is also my finals month which I will be busy. But I seem carefree now even though exams is less than a month. If I go on like this, I suppose I end up commiting academic suicide in my first semester. Really. So I better get myself up and study hard.
Assignments and Tests are piling up. Maths assignment due this Wednesday which I have not even touched. Writing Test tomorrow. Speaking Drama Test next week. OSE Group Assignment next week. Maths Test next week. So many things are installed for me and I hope I get to concentrate. I have been wanting to sleep a lot lately. I sleep early too; yet not enough rest.
TO: That Person,
I probably may not be the best ‘bro’ you were talking about. I was probably just a toy. I was probably someone stupid in your eyes. Someone who was willing to keep sacrificing endlessly even to this point of time when I know my position in your life isn’t even certain.
It deeply hurts me that you have lost your priority.It deeply kills me to know that many things has gone above me. It saddens me not being able to receive your caring messages. It deeply hit me that now I remembered the last time I met you was months ago. It worries me that you are even drifting from church. And all I can do is just to pray for you and do nothing about it. Every night I pray for you, not even for myself just to ensure you are alive, well and fine. I wonder whether you still think about me?
I have never thought of coming to this point of total ignorance. Never. I chose to forgave you but you chose to take it for granted. I have gave you everything. You know. I don’t care. I don’t want those things back. I want that heart and priority back. Is it that tough? Is it so much to ask for? I can even forgo pastas, cash and so on.
Is work really that important? Is everything in this world has relation to work? Can you forgo your work just for once? Can you? Life is much more than work alone. I wish that you knew what I am thinking. I wished you know your priorities. Am I still the first few in your life? I’ve lost contact with you for weeks now. Never in my life there was this long break with you.
I miss every moment of the past. It kills to know that you no longer do the right thing at the right time. I wished there was a change? How can I be apart of this change? People have been talking about you. How much you have change and all. All I can do is to remain silent as I am getting it from you too. Can you just open up your eyes to the world? Can you just open your ears to the people around? Can you?
Either way, you are still in my prayers and you have never been downgraded. You remain the first few in my life as promised. It’d never change although it hurts me now. I really need to release this. I do hate myself for loving you at times. I admit. But it’s a commitment and choice I’ve decided to make and I will keep it.
Can you please wake up? I am so tired of all these. My smile is never the same. My words are never the same.
I know I have changed over the past few months. Drastic changes you see. I get pissed and annoyed easily. I get mad easily. My smile is never the same. My life isn’t that complete. I really want to be myself again. The fun, loud and jovial guy. I keep on trying but it isn’t really working.
But I do admit certain people have really be of great encouragement. Maybe the 4 of them? HIM, HIM, HER, HER. The above is the ONE more. =(
JUNE 08- A history; JULY 08- A mystery.
Had a very long day yesteday.
Early in the morning, I went for Morning Watch and thereafter I left for Starbucks Heaquarters with Dol, Justine, TC, Edmund for interview. We had todo a group assignment which is due in like 10 days. I procrastinated for about a month before doing the assignment. I just didnt want to call my uncle for the interview. Insisted on waiting till the very last minute.
The organisation interview was quite fine. Simple and much I’ve gained from it about an organisation like Starbucks.
Had rehearsal at night for ROCK SUNDAY this coming Sunday. By the time I reached home, I am like almost dead.
Rushing for my group assignment now and have yet to touch my maths assignment too.
I am yawning away right now.
I can’t find any specific title or theme to blog about right now. So, I shall just keep things to myself. I am not in the mood but I don’t want to write emo posts here either. Hahaha.
Blogging with this new stupid laptop maybe fun by the wireless that keeps dying is NO fun! Grrr
I promised I’d catch up with this post, and therefore I have learnt to keep my promise. No offence if you’d keep on reading it. If you disagree, I don’t care but if you agree, probably what I am thinking is what you are thinking. I know this would draw controversy on my tagboard and wherever I go but I would like to make it clear that the sole purpose of a blog is for personal use. Therefore, it is for personal purposes, thoughts and opinions.
I am judging this based on my own views and opinions. I am clarifying this that I am a Chinese as well. So, being fair is what I am doing. I was not taught this way but through my 18 years of encounters and experiences, indeed what I think is still what I see.
Here are some reasons as to why National School brought up students will be more successful:
I find that students brought up from Chinese schools are very selfish. They care of they themselves only. Everything is about them. They count a meal’s cost to the exact sen. I mean, national school students wouldn’t do such that. We are more a less flexible when it comes to cash. However, Chinese school students will count with you to the ends of the earth and argue for a single sen. I (We) know that Chinese schools are famous for their Mathematics and therefore I suppose the way they were brought up taught them to count, count and count till sometimes arguments popped up. I don’t mean national type students doesnt face this but majority comes from Chinese speaking background. When I say selfish, they’d also often ask ‘What would I get out of this?’. This is a favourite question I know amongst the Chinese group. I see that national school students are more flexible; in the sense things can be negotiated; things can be simpler etc etc.
I find that Chinese school students also tend to create arguments and fights unnecessarily. They have that loud voice when talking shows not voice projection but their willingness to argue. They tend to piss me off with their loud voice that sometimes, I get so frustated. I’ve not come to a point of raising my voice. Why must you? I’ve noticed in a way, national school students are more civilised. I am not saying that they are uncivilised. They are civilised but behaves like someone out of the jungle. Creating fights is not what I want. Maybe they don’t understand.
In addition, they don’t understand because mostly have poor command of English. I am not saying that I have perfect English. I always read through my blog after I post it and I find it full of gramatical errors. But am lazy to edit. It is because writing a blog, I got no mind map or stuffs like that. I write whatever comes to my mind; including now. I keep typing and I don’t recheck the typo errors. I don’t know how and why that mostly Chinese schools teaches poor English and Bahasa. Is it done on purpose? Marking and examining my tuition student’s work is just terrible. The teachers doesnt correct her mistakes neither do they care reading it I suppose. They just gives the marks based on their mood and sometimes it is just annoying as a tuition teacher to remark their work. If you can’t teach, don’t teach. Your students are just losing out. The miserable tuition teacher has to remark and do double work. Makes no sense at all. But in short, I do know some people are really good in English although they are from Chinese school but how many are they? I can count them.
Apart from that, I admit I hate lalamuis and lalachais too. Please don’t get me nearer to them. I mean I am not discriminating them but I don’t like being around that circle of friends. I find them weird. I find them crazy. I find that too expressive. I find them rude. I find them messy. I find them drawing attentions. God, please do save them one day! Please! I don’t see National School girls or guys dressed like that. Never in my life SO FAR. But the world can be a better and more civilised place without these people!
Memorise and not understand? Chinese school students enjoy memorising for some who-knows reason. They memorise things really well too. So when it comes to essay, they are often stuck.
Enough of bashing them up. They do deserve some compliments too.
They are just so good in Mathematics. We national school students can never beat them in this area. They count really well and fast. I’d definitly lose out. Their intensive trainings in this subject is vast and just unimaginable.
They are hardworking. They are competitive. Studying in Chinese school makes each student so competitive and they end up being successful if they choose the suitable career path.. not in MALAYSIA but in some Chinese speaking countries. Many have left because they just can’t communicate well. This might be a good thing or perhaps a bad thing. I see that as a very misleading point of view.
I am so far so glad that my Chinese school friends has been quite okay. Or perhaps they are the one in the millions i can find in this world. I know it is not too good to judge but I am writing this down to reevaluate in the future when my kids needs education. =D
I am still waiting. Waiting so patiently for June to be over. I want July to be here soon. I can’t wait. Not just because it is my birthday but June just sucks. Many event has happen. Just so many. And most of it are disappointing. I don’t mean camp. Camp still rocks! June brings back the memories of the past which i am trying to get rid off. July, please do come soon. I hope July will be a great month ahead. I pray that things will be fine and better in July.
And I just got the news that my uncle got me a new mp4 for my birthday. I never thought of owning one by my own. I never even dreamt of having one. I never asked for one anyways. My parents went to his house and they refused to bring it back for me. My dad asked my uncle and aunty to pass it to me personally. So, i think I gotta wait. I don’t know how and what it’s like but my mum and dad agreed that it is cool! I relly hope to see it. This marks the start for me to start receiving gifts and presents for my birthday? Hahaha. But something I’d really want is to have back all of 2006 memories. But well, gifts and presents are just earthly treasures. I feel so blessed that I can’t contain it. (I am not saying so much I’ve gotta give it away; because I am not giving my new toy [mp4] away =D)
Don’t ask me why. Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me directly or indirectly.
SC was just saying that I was posting all good things in my blog lately and she was glad for me. Well, it’s now. I don’t post emo stuffs doesnt mean that I am okay. Sometimes, I find the more I keep things to myself, the more I get hurt. Read below and trust me it’s gonna be random. If you don’t understand. Please just ignore. Probably it makes no sense to you. But I really need to open this bottle of mine.
Things has been bad- between us. As I was driving my dad’s Serena just now to Bukit Jalil and then to Mid Valley, I can’t help but tears just rolled down my cheeks. Coming to think of my foolishness and my stupidity for all the sacrifices I’ve done for you. I find myself just in that ‘foolish mode’. I don’t know whether it was my mistakes or was it the other parties. All I can say now is I am feeling the hurt and pain. Telling myself that white lies like things will be fine just doesn’t work. See my eyes, lack of sleep and much of thinking is enough to kill me. Thinking about what you said last Friday at 1.29pm: ‘Forgive Me’. The 2 words hit me badly. I thought that by respoding everything will be fine. But it seems that since then, I’ve not received any news. Was it the ends for everything? I wished I had an answer. Things has been so rough on me lately. Keeping everything to myself sometimes I just find it hard to breathe. I think speaking it out would probably help a little.
Enough of emo posts.
I know. Kill me for saying this: People who watch too much movies and serials will have a hard time getting a life partner. They often fantasize about the guy/girl in the movie or drama and they just enjoy comparing normal civilians like us to them. I mean when will the standard ever be reached. It’s jsut so freaking annoying at times when people say, ‘Oh, he’s hot.. you’re not’, ‘He’s better’ etc etc. Oh please, they are stars, they may appear sweet, nice, hot and innocent in front of the tv but who knows what happens behind the scene. I am not saying that people are comparing me. But their mindset is just so fixed. Get real! Stop dreaming that he’d be your husband and so on and so forth. If you keep comparing, you will never get attached. It’s somewhat annoying. You may think I am jealous but heck NO!
This boils down to one word- MINDSET! Many knows I hate the people with Chinese school mindset. I don’t hate Chinese school but I hate those who adapts Chinese school mindset and mentality. Example; selfishness? Can really annoy you.
I am busy. I will catch on with this as soon as possible!
Exam timetable is posted. This tells me that I gotta get up and start studying. And worst thing of all, Malaysian Studies is like the first paper I am gonna sit for. I suppose to fail the paper. But well, I’d give it a try and just browse through the notes. It’d be tough I suppose. I know it won’t be easy too.
Just had a reading test just now. And it seems that I am not too good in English. Ah. Don’t believe me. I mean that the paper was confusing but it was alright. The funny thing here is that when Jacky kept insisting on sitting with me. And we were end up separated because we have to follow alphabetical order. People who sits with me will die with me. Trust me! Hahaha
It’s been sometime since I last blogger about what I did in life. I find that blogging is more than what you are doing. It’s what you feel about certian issues and that you wanna share to your readers. It could be random but well, at least not about what you do day and night and that you report to the world. i find that errrm..
Just successfully arranged for the interview for my group assignment with STARBUCKS. Yeah. Starbucks. This Friday 930 at Headquarters meeting the respective managers for an interview. I suppose it is gonna be fun. I know the managers though. Cause when i was working there I ws introduced to them. Well, obviously my uncle’s personal assistant arranged them for me. All I did was to wait for the call and say yes or no. Now I find myself useless in this scenario. Nevertheless, I am going there to dig out Starbucks greatest secret. Hahaha. Nah. It’s for my Group Assignment about Organisation. I am anticipating for this.
And I just checked my attendance in college as of today. It sucks to me serious. I don’t know what happened. Here, have a look-
Malaysian Studies- 100%
There are some issues which is so complex. And because of this, I failed to get my PDSM docket for exams because I have less than 90%. I gotta wait for next week to collect it and I must ensure I don’t skip class anymore? But I will skip the other subjects.. Since now I got their exam dockets
This semester is ending soon. I know I’ve learnt much in this semester. I know I’ve mixed well in the gang. I wish semester 2 will remain the same. Let’s see what awaits me the coming semester. TIme is flying really fast. It’s now more than half a year. I want July to come quickly. June get just buzz off!
TAGGED BY MAX
#1 If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Tell myself that I once was loyal and I gave my best in the relationship although i’d be hurt and disappointed.
#2 if you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
to have all of 2006 back ='(
#3 what will your dream wedding be like?
I’ve always wanted to have it in a church by the gardens and sea. And not in Malaysia.
#4 are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Sometimes I do contemplate but my purpose in life will NEVER change- to serve Him
#5 what’s your ideal lover like?
Someone who loves Jesus as much as I do, long hair (Justine: kill me!), sweet, supportive, loyal
#6 which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I suppose both is equally important. If I’d choose one, I suppose it is being loved by someone.
#7 how long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
I mean I have no intention. It comes when it comes. It can be tonight.
#8 if the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Loving someone is ensure she is happy. So, I should pray tht she will be happy?
#9 is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
I don’t want to keep it within but YES. =(
#10 is being tagged fun?
Depends by who? hahahaha.. I mean depends who tagged me and wht the tag is all about.
#11 how do you see yourself in ten years time?
A husband and a successful man?
#12 who are currently the most important people to you?
HIM, Family, Him, Her, Self=proclaimed relatives (bros and siss), Friends
#13 what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I suppose he is someone who is willing to sacrifice for his friends. Someone young and full of energy and passion. Fun to be with it. A soon-to-be Starbucks freak (because of me) =D
#14 would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Married is something i would rather choose. Money can be earned sooner or later.
#15 what’s the first thing you do every morning?
check my phone, brush my teeth, shower
#16 would you give all in a relationship?
Yeah! No point holding back when ur in a relationship. It goes no where.
#17 if you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
I’d choose the one I suppose I love and favor more.
#18 what type of friends do you like?
Friends that are understanding, willing to help you, sacrficial, willing to go the extra mile for you, helpful
#19 what type of friends do you dislike?
Selfish idiots and lalamuis =D
I tag people on my blogroll =D
I get so tired with the non-stop editing timetable of mine. It’s somehow hilirious to see sometimes a big college like these keep editing the timetable and providing us with such “good” lecturers. Se the inverted there? I get so tired of this ever changing timetable. I hate printing it over and over again or perhaps, I give up printing it because I find that I am just wasting time, paper and effort. At the end of the week, I’d throw it into the bin once again.
See my timetable (I am in GI, LI, T1: Group 1, Lecture 1, Tutorial 1). See all the L and Ts for the week. Those are the amount of classes I have to attend. The printshot left out one last Friday class which lasts till 5:40pm.
I wish there was an end to all these. It’s starting to get frustrating as the end of this semester is coming and I’d be receiving an all new timetable again. And re-adjusting my work and activities has never been any easier. I might not even get the whole Thursday in the future. I just enjoy ranting on this timetable thingy cause I find that I get so aimless, jobless (whatever Lynnett uses) during those unnecessary break times which then will lead to arguments on where we are going to hang out: Sunway, Bukit Bintang, Kinrara, Puchong?. Argh. This is more than annoying. Having 3 hours aimlessly on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays where I can sleep at home or perhaps give tuition or at least to spend my time wisely.
This is just my rantings on the timetables. Annoyed with it for now. Semester 1 is ending soon; which means finals is coming soon. I don’t know anything or perhaps everything because I havent been doing my revision neither have I been completing my work. All I do is assignments, shows, blog, online etc etc. The nightmare of exams is starting to dawn upon me soon. Mind me if I get frustrated and stressed up.
And yeah, correction: Jesus loves us all. =)
After much thinking, pondering on what JESUS IS TO ME. All I’d summarise is that
He is anything more than life could ever give. Jesus is someone who loves without counting the cost, who died on the cross, bearing the sin and shame.
He is so much more than life could ever give. Words can never express who JESUS really is because He is UNDESCRIBABLE! =)
Jesus loves me =)
They call it(her) Miss J, I call her ‘so poh’, i call her ‘aunty’, i call her ‘timberlake’. To be exact (or not so exact), her name is Justine. Have been thinking to myself for quite sometime on what to write about her. But I decided to let ideas flow naturally. I once met this little girl in APIIT in my class and tutorial. The first impression was, ‘Opps, there was a small girl in my class’. Coming to think back about it, it is hilarious. And besides her, will always remain one tall girl call Yen Fen (Currently: Miss Civilised is her name).
I know that I shouldnt judge a book by it’s cover. So, as time went pass, this little girl here got more and more noisy and perhaps, notorious. She is actually same age as me, perhaps, older.
SOME FACTS YOU MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS GIRL.
FACT #1: She is one of a kind
I mean in some ways. She is definitly one of a kind. Her breed in Malaysia is almost extinct. I’d say that because of her behaviour and attitude. In a good way, she is much different compared to many others around her. She thinks differently. Hence, thinking is living. So she lives differently.
FACT #2: She is unique
She behaves unlike how some girls behave. She dresses differently, walks differently (like a duck) and speaks differently.
FACT #3: She is tomboyish
She is such a tomboy (at times). I know she is so gonna kill me for this. Nevertheless, it’s her being unique and one of a kind.
FACT #4: She is a big time drama queen
She is a big time drama queen. She cries when she wants to, scream when she wants to and scold when she wants to. She is small gas (or small fart) at times. So, don’t you dare go near her unnecessarily
FACT #5: She drives most men crazy! as in a great influenza =P
She is such a big influence to the people around her. She has that power to get people to listen to her and sometimes I wonder what is the big attraction? A great influenza she is. Yes, it is a sickness =P
FACT #6: She is fickle minded
She changes her mind like some queen. One minute, many decisions can change because of her. She is just some kinda happy go lucky girl
FACT #7: She doesnt cares about how others see her
Finally, something I find worth blogging about. Many at times, we see who we are just to satisfy the people around us. We are so worried that we cant blend into the crowd. We are so concern about how others think. But truly, she is a girl who stands out in the crowd and doesnt care what others really think. She can do stupid acts without feeling embarassed or without feeling the pressure of how others view her
I guess thats all I have to say since I made a promised to blog about her. I keep my promises as always [unlike someone =(]. All in all, She is a nice friend. Someone who is always there and never fails to cheer you up when you are feeling down and discouraged.
A friend in need is a friend in deed.