I used to think that no one reads my blog. However, the traffic says that in the past 4days, there were 317 readers that came into my blog. It’s such amazing that people do care to come and read about me and my boring, dull life. Maybe what you read inspires you; or it either piss you off all the time. I don’t know but I hope you know the purpose of reading my blog. It motivates me to blog even more.
Tomorrow will be my English Language Writing Test. Amazing isn’t it? Thats why I am practising some writing skills here first. Because I know that I’ve not written a proper essay with proper gramatical and sentence structure. The last was during SPM i suppose? Count the number of months since then? So, I am worried I’d say. Many in class will say Alvin will do well in this subject. However, the more you people say that, the more inferior and demotivated I get. I get even more worried when you people say such things. Okay, I know, am trying to live up on their standards again. But really, it gets me go easy the more you people says such things to me. I’d rather you guys say that I am terrible in English, I suck at it and lots more. I know I am weird, absurd, bizarre and perhaps silly. See, practising voabulary too.
Exams will officially start next next next Friday. And exams will officially end a day before my birthday. I was praying that my exam doesnt falls on my birthday. And true enough, it is on a Saturday and Friday is my last day of examinations. FUN- is the word on my mind! My parents won’t be around. i’ve some sort expected it. They will not be around for my birthday usually as the BWA Meetings always falls on the week of my birthday. I can probably get some freedom I hope?
I am expecting nothing much from my birthday. Honestly, I don’t want to expect anything neither do I want to make any plans for it. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn’t, let me sleep with the rain all night long. I don’t mind. Yesterday’s sleep was so comforting and peaceful. I know many were up watching EURO Finals but I was deeply asleep and I didn’t want to wake up this morning for college. I perhaps wanted to skip class. But I made the choice to attend it since it was just an English tutorial.
Many have asked and are still asking why I hate JUNE so much. For those who do not know, I HATE JUNE. Apart from the camp, nothing in JUNE does much good to me except torture. It’s all the bad memories in JUNE i suppose that makes me hate it so much. I hate the first few days of June because that was the day all nightmare began. I hate middle of June because I usually have some issues and problems. And for this year, I hate June because of ignorance. Well, there is always something I don’t like about June, seriously. And finally today is the last day of it. Thanks for reminding me in college people!
I am looking forward to see what JULY has installed for me. Every year, JULY seems to be the happiest month I can ever get apart from Christmas. It is NOT because of my birthday; neither is it because of *that* event. But more of just JULY has more things that’d make me happy. JULY has many birthdays and hence many celebrations. JULY because it is after half of the year. JULY because of that specific *event of course* and so on and so forth. I hope things will be better for me?
However, JULY is also my finals month which I will be busy. But I seem carefree now even though exams is less than a month. If I go on like this, I suppose I end up commiting academic suicide in my first semester. Really. So I better get myself up and study hard.
Assignments and Tests are piling up. Maths assignment due this Wednesday which I have not even touched. Writing Test tomorrow. Speaking Drama Test next week. OSE Group Assignment next week. Maths Test next week. So many things are installed for me and I hope I get to concentrate. I have been wanting to sleep a lot lately. I sleep early too; yet not enough rest.
TO: That Person,
I probably may not be the best ‘bro’ you were talking about. I was probably just a toy. I was probably someone stupid in your eyes. Someone who was willing to keep sacrificing endlessly even to this point of time when I know my position in your life isn’t even certain.
It deeply hurts me that you have lost your priority.It deeply kills me to know that many things has gone above me. It saddens me not being able to receive your caring messages. It deeply hit me that now I remembered the last time I met you was months ago. It worries me that you are even drifting from church. And all I can do is just to pray for you and do nothing about it. Every night I pray for you, not even for myself just to ensure you are alive, well and fine. I wonder whether you still think about me?
I have never thought of coming to this point of total ignorance. Never. I chose to forgave you but you chose to take it for granted. I have gave you everything. You know. I don’t care. I don’t want those things back. I want that heart and priority back. Is it that tough? Is it so much to ask for? I can even forgo pastas, cash and so on.
Is work really that important? Is everything in this world has relation to work? Can you forgo your work just for once? Can you? Life is much more than work alone. I wish that you knew what I am thinking. I wished you know your priorities. Am I still the first few in your life? I’ve lost contact with you for weeks now. Never in my life there was this long break with you.
I miss every moment of the past. It kills to know that you no longer do the right thing at the right time. I wished there was a change? How can I be apart of this change? People have been talking about you. How much you have change and all. All I can do is to remain silent as I am getting it from you too. Can you just open up your eyes to the world? Can you just open your ears to the people around? Can you?
Either way, you are still in my prayers and you have never been downgraded. You remain the first few in my life as promised. It’d never change although it hurts me now. I really need to release this. I do hate myself for loving you at times. I admit. But it’s a commitment and choice I’ve decided to make and I will keep it.
Can you please wake up? I am so tired of all these. My smile is never the same. My words are never the same.
I know I have changed over the past few months. Drastic changes you see. I get pissed and annoyed easily. I get mad easily. My smile is never the same. My life isn’t that complete. I really want to be myself again. The fun, loud and jovial guy. I keep on trying but it isn’t really working.
But I do admit certain people have really be of great encouragement. Maybe the 4 of them? HIM, HIM, HER, HER. The above is the ONE more. =(
JUNE 08- A history; JULY 08- A mystery.