Leading worship for this big camp hall, with so many people was so scary at first. It really scare me off. However, it did not really stop me from leading people into WORSHIP. I can sense the burden that people are holding on to when they are in church but everything was let go in this camp. Maybe it is the power of prayer and worship. God indeed was moving. When I went on the stage the first time, nothing was about me, nothing was about my voice or nothing was about the team. Everyone was focused on the Lord even the young ones. Everything went on well I would say- minus all the musicians’ mistakes, my out of tune-ess, and the LCD mistakes. It was really an eye opener for me to see how this new generation are willing to just rise up and letting go everything to just come before the Lord. I may have lost my voice, but it is worth every bit of it.
The message was very practical indeed. Learnt many practical ways. It was so amazing that even only the first night, lives were saves (notice the plural form?). God indeed was working in the camp site. How amazing somehow this camp is. It was all messed up even the day before, but everything worked on well because the LORD was by our side.
On the other hand, I am sorry to that special one if I have really ignored you. Really. I was busy throughout the camp. I was trying my very best to msg you every single bit of free time that I have. I really did. The line wasn’t that good for me to call either. I don’t know how to show you that I still love and care for you like before but I really did try. I am sorry for all the time that you were going through. I am sorry. I don’t know whatelse I can say. Anyway, if sorry is gonna heal everything, I would say sorry a zillion times. I miss you.
God is too wise to be mistaken,
I don’t have something exact I want to write today. Therefore, this post will be a random one again. Now I somehow felt the excitement of going to camp. Really. I really felt the urgency to leave Kuala Lumpur and start a new life somewhere kinda thing. Well, I am not leaving for good, but at least I am off for 4days 3nights and I hope I will enjoy it. I trust and believe that I will.
Somehow, I am still dreaming of my Aussie trip end of the year and I really really do hope things will work out. I don’t want to stay here anymore. Nothing here is worth my attention except for the memories and for some people whom I guess they will know who. I really need a break after all the years being in an education inside the box. I need to go out to get fresh air. I believed that I have a better future in Aussie. I don’t know why. But I will miss some people. Really.
Don’t ask me the question ‘What if I die?’. I am not gonna even bother contemplating about your death. I don’t want you to leave me so early. Just please don’t remind me of that. Why would you die out of nowhere anyway, rite? So, don’t pop that silly question and scare the hell out of me. But when I told you that I will cry beside you when you die and wait till you resurrect may sound like a joke but it doesn’t mean I won’t do it. I am hell serious. So, don’t even bring it up. Cause it does scare me..
I was just thinking if life was fair, it would be dull isn’t it? Well, I have an interesting and extraordinary God who created it this way. I think seeking Him in these rough times would be an ideal solution. If it wasn’t for Him, I wouldn’t be what I am today. After a few months of bad times, things are starting to be sweeter. I mean, my life was so bitter for the past few months or should I say months of tears and depression?
I know standing firm in Him might not be easy at times. But i know I will be far worst without Him in me. His ways are often not my ways but I thank God for the choices He has given to me. I also thank God for giving me chances. I might not be here without His grace and mercy. I somehow have that grateful feeling in me today. Maybe thats why there is an urgency in blogging today.
Trying to put the past behind me and look at the future that awaits me. Tough- but I am trying. He will never forsake me or leave me. Thats for sure- i know.
Free admission, Freebies, Free food.
Hah. Now you know how busy KLBC can be this coming month. See ya guys =)
But , I just can’t let things go.It doesn’t exactly annoys me. But I know it is time to let go. I know all I can keep is the memories of the past and nothing else. I really wonder how people let things go so easily? I really wonder. I wish I can just some sort be like them in anyway possible. I know I don’t have to tell again how painful my heart is daily. I know it is everywhere in my blog lately.
Exams is around the corner. It is normal for me to feel moody. I know I am one lazy ass who just never studies. Tell me about it- SPM is near. I know. But I just don’t have the patience and the determination to study like how i used to have when I was sitting for PMR. Imagine me really sitting and studying for PMR, that year wasn’t stressful because I worked hard and have always been consistent in being an average student.
I wish I can still be that same old Alvin who does what is best for himself. Not losing patience. Having hope. Having determination. Having perseverance. I want it all back- badly. I am trying so hard. Everyday, I try to sit and read but I will end up playing with other things like sudoku, handphone, radio etc etc.
Exams to me is like a routine now anyway. Really. I sit for exams every month, almost every week. So, there is nothing to be afraid of. Exams is now like chores to me I guess. Sitting at the same spot everytime doing my own thing (sleeping) for the first part of the exam and really trying to figure out answers when time is almost up.
If you are asking if I have the mood for exams, I will never have. Exams is still torture to me although it is like a chore now. Exams now also became a time for me to think a lot. I start to think about my own life etc etc etc during exams (especially the 2 hour paper). Now you know why I have kinda a variety of blog title in my blog lately. It is all because of the exams.
Feeling a little down for some time now really makes me wake up and learn more about life and people. People can change. Young, old, etc etc CAN CHANGE. Some change for the bad and some change for the good. Experiencing both changes really widened my view about how selfless and how selfish people can be. Those who were selfless have a big heart. They always aim to serve and not to be served. This people always changes to be better day by day. Some of their heart and their willingless somehow amazes me. On the other hand, people with a selfish attitude can never be successful. It is obvious. I have seen it for myself. I am not mentioning names but I think it is time I should look at my own life in the mirror and really think about how I can be for the better.
Being selfless is not exactly good though. Many takes you for granted. And I really hate those people who take things for granted. Being selfless also doesnt mean people will appreciate you in return. Somehow, being selfless is not only about giving giving and giving. We need to receive too. If not, we will somehow be dying inside like how I am feeling now. Trying to maintain a balance of both is not easy. But I am trying. =)
Thats alllah. Biology papers tomoro. Sigh..
I am sorry if I ever neglected you in my post.
What sick is wrong with me huh?
Exams is on. So, i don’t wanna blog so longlah. Lazy lazy mee..
But somehow, good things comes to an end-very quickly indeed.
Things went back to how it used to be. Annoying right?
I have said, I get annoyed easily by the smallest mistake one ever made.
Now, why cant you or any others get off my back. Let me live my life and do whatever i’m contented of doing. Leave me to my achievements and maybe dont challenge me on that. Go make your own. Is it compulsory that i get scrutinised for whatever the fuck i do? You think you know me well, but you hardly understand me!
And you, dont think for one moment that everything’s okay. When one person says something, you have your basic rights to question, when 2 says the same thing about you, then you’re dysfunctional somewhere inside.
Life is kinda annoying, ain’t it?