Real Life Stories 02: I’m Not Arguing; I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right

So, I’ve been toying with this thought for quite a long time. As part of my growing up years, arguing is not something uncommon. People of my age tend to want to fight for something just to prove something, even when sometimes there isn’t really anything to prove.

And recently, I’ve encountered some of these arguments or disagreements and recently, I’ve found myself a habit of shutting myself off when I am about to see the bomb explodes. And when I completely shut off, it makes me feel better for a while, but inside me – I can’t wait to say something and sometimes I proceed to say it. But I know very well that my head tells me very clearly that I should stay away, but sometimes, for the sake of being right – I continue. Yes, stubborn, foolish – whatever negative words you want to call it; just go add on it.

My question now would be – should I stay away or should I continue to fight my way through?

In my 25 years of life, I’ve learnt that arguments never make anyone feel good, so why do we even get on it. Sorry but those excuses of arguments and disagreement makes any relationships stronger is utter crap or at least, I feel otherwise. It’s pretty simple isn’t it – you argue and argue and risk losing a relationship or friendship and really, does it make it goes stronger?

If anyone had a choice, do you really think you would choose arguments for the sake of strengthening the friendship or relationship? I doubt.

With all these in my head, I can’t help but to believe there seasons to these things just like how there is a season to all my gadgets and devices failing me. We all have our own downtime and seasons of unhappiness but that doesn’t give us a single right to lash it out on people closest to us. But the good side to this is that I’ve been reading a lot.

Because of work, I read a lot of articles as and when I can – on relationships, finances, friendships, economics, healthcare and all but I’m no expert in any. If I was, then my life would be so perfect kan?

But here are a couple of things I learn recently in terms of strengthening friendships and relationships with so many things in my head:

  1. Embrace the ordinary in your relationships. In no time, the good times will settle and things will feel monotonous. That’s when everyone’s true colours will show but that doesn’t mean the day-to-day has no meaning; it should still have if you share it with the people closest to you.
  2. Arguments – look for the real reasons on why we fight and disagree. I am completely honest that it’s tough and I’ve been struggling with this. Many at times, we are so blinded by our anger and irritation that we throw everything that we can think off from 10 years ago to the table; I am so guilty of this. But I’m learning to know that there’s a pattern to when and why people fight.
  3. Understanding the other party – our affection towards our friends and family often blind us to their flaws. I know of a person who is so good at faking it, so good at lying but appears as the most  beautiful person in the world in front of the people that would bring benefits. This is not a blog to expose people. But we are all humans, we all have our weaknesses and shortcomings. I think in a nutshell, it is important to be willing to learn and grow in all relationships or friendships. Instead of being defensive, or demanding our own ways, take time to  put ourselves into the other person’s shoe and understand and show a little bit of empathy – and hopefully everyone learns together.
  4. Friendships are not about having other people satisfy or fulfill us. It’s about building each other up and appreciating each other’s uniqueness – while enjoying togetherness.
  5. Appreciating solitude – We need to learn to be comfortable being alone and to accept who we are. Many at times, I am guilty of using an arguments to cover my own weaknesses or worst still, sometimes put people down to feel better about myself.

I am no specialist. But I am jotting this down here to remind myself that growing up is tough – it involves fights, arguments and disagreements but that doesn’t mean we should let it bring us down. This is not an emo post, I’m perfectly fine.

Disclaimer: They say: Siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedas.  If you think this blog is talking about you, no I don’t think so. HAHA. :)


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