People around will never seem to be able to comprehend what I feel right now.
This feeling suck big time.
Yes, i really feel like being vulgar, for once. =(
But I am suppressing it here. And taking it alone.
Yes, this is an emo post.
Don’t read if you are not interested.
Anyways, my blog is dead.
I am just writing to release my screwed up emotions.
I thought this would be a fantastic long weekend in Singapore.
But no, it was nothing fantastic.
Staying in KL might be better.
Or maybe I should blame myself.
I should not have bothered and put expectations in myself.
Nevertheless, too late.
I now end up in a deep screwed up mode which no one would understands how I feel.
Not like I’ve not tried being positive.
Not like I’ve not tried being patient.
Not like I’ve not tried giving in.
Somehow, I think I just realized a friendship or relationship with someone takes 2 hands to clap and not just one.
If it was one, maybe things in this world would get less complicated.
Now it is sinking into my head that I’ve been clapping the wall all these while.
Now it is hitting me twice as much as it used to.
Now, my heart is just numb at how things are.
Am I giving up?
I don’t know.
Deep inside, I know it’s reluctant.
It’s twice as pain when night comes.
When you start to think and wonder. And burst into tears.
At the same time, getting yourself back into reality.
Reality can be sooo painful right now.
I can never express it in words. Anymore.
Disappointments is prolly the greatest hurt in me right now.
Or perhaps, it has always been.
I wished I could be an overcomer.
But 2 mornings passed, I’ve yet to become one.
I wished I could just say, ‘What? Oh.. Nothing’
But I can’t
Because this means so much to me.
What have I done to deserve this?
-leave me alone-
i appreciate just that.
When I write :), it doesn’t mean I am smiling.
When I smile, it doesn’t mean within me smiles.
And the list goes on.
I hate writing about this.
So, I shall stop.
It’s all me. Myself.
I am agitated. When I found out more.
I wish I didn’t.
And so, goodnight.
I realise I can be such a happy person when I am with kids despite all the tantrums I am getting.
The tears from them that I caused for not finishing my work.
But part and parcle of life and I am still lazy to write the Top People In My Life post. I am just lazzzzzzzzzzzzzzyyy. Can give me a kick someone? hahaha.
Road trip tomorrow with other 4 girls and 2 guys to Puchong, PD, Malacca! XD
That means no kids tomorrow.
I think it’s awesome.
I just got an offer from HomeSchool to be a part time tutor.
HomeSchool is a school ministry from United States following the US syllabus for students of all ages.
It is a programme designed for students who is not good enough or too good; as it does not follow a grading system. It goes along as you complete each level regardless of time.
It’s owned by my church! One of the children ministries.
HomeSchool at church is one of the growing daily ministries and has full time or part time students. I am going in for observation tomorrow and getting a new Iranian student on Monday.
Definitly it’s not much about the pay but me using my time wisely.
So, I reckon it’s gonna be fun!
I never expected this anyways.
So, working hours from 8:30am-3pm
And next year, I am suppose to come in as a Part Time Tutor.
They are following my semester’s schedule for a 2 hour class a week.
But next year, I am only teaching Malay Language.
Well, teacher in the making.
I love children anyways.
Malacca with some youths next Friday!
Singapore from 29th-31st October.
Hong Kong from 26th Dec-2nd Jan.
I love travelling.
Have been dead bored the past few days.
Time to do some work.
Yesh, I owe you all a post on the Top People In My Life.
I am just lazy.