If you were asking me to describe my life in a song 2 days ago, I will sing to you:
It’s been a long and winding journey,
but I am finally here tonight,
picking up the pieces,
and walking back into the light.
But somehow, good things comes to an end-very quickly indeed.
Things went back to how it used to be. Annoying right?
I am so tired of writing how fucked up my life is lately. Really.
Things never seem to be good for me.
Everything is unfair, everything is just screwed up.
I have said, I get annoyed easily by the smallest mistake one ever made.
You can’t blame me. Blame the past.
Ever since that happened, I always feel insecure- wherever I am.
Somehow, I want to let go of so many things. I want to.
But deep inside me, I can’t.
I know I can’t. Blame me for holding things too tightly- but i need time to really put down everything.
I have tried ignoring those things that bothers me, but it’s painful inside- no matter how hard I try to ignore it.
Can someone every understand me for once?
Now, why cant you or any others get off my back. Let me live my life and do whatever i’m contented of doing. Leave me to my achievements and maybe dont challenge me on that. Go make your own. Is it compulsory that i get scrutinised for whatever the fuck i do? You think you know me well, but you hardly understand me!
And you, dont think for one moment that everything’s okay. When one person says something, you have your basic rights to question, when 2 says the same thing about you, then you’re dysfunctional somewhere inside.
Yes, it’s exams time. And somehow, I got numb to the ‘exams period’. Peter Yii has made so many exams for the Form fives. Basically every week, there is exams. So it’s kinda normal for me to just sit for exams. And who the hell cares what results I am gonna obtain.
And for people who knows I am from St. John’s.
Stop giving me that look! Stop giving me that expectations.
I can fail you anytime of the day. Really.
It doesn’t mean I am from St. John’s, I would get 9A’s for my SPM.
It doesn’t mean I am from St. John’s, I would get a job easily.
It doesn’t mean I am from St. John’s, I have a future. A bright one.
Recently, people have been talking behind my back and some, in front of me about how I am expected to perform in many other ways just because I am a Johannian.
I am tired of all these nonsence and expectations.
I am not as good as what you guys are thinking.
Life is kinda annoying, ain’t it?