I’ve been having a very long, excited yet boring week. Semester 2 has give me more headache than fun. The subjects are not as crappy as it used to be. Not as easy as it used to be. Lecturers are not good as before. Now I am stuck with my own efforts and initiative. Everything has to be done and studied by myself. Yet I see that as the true meaning and value of education. Education has lost it’s true meaning as time goes by(quoting from an article). Education used to be the essence and pathway for everyone successful. It is just a pathway, not the way to being successful. Of course there are many things that can make one successful apart from just education.

The true meaning of education is self-learn and not spoon-fed. In our beloved country, education is rather more to spoon-fed than self learn or researches. Yet I see the true meaning and value of education as above as I am forced to self-learn because of the terrible, inexperience lecturers. They try and try to spoon-feed yet it is unsuccessful. I see the true value on one hand, and the misery on the other hand. I am taking it as a training ground for myself to be exposed to new things. But it is important that education is given the correct way.

However, I do see when one seeks to give his or her best, the results does change (not matter how bad he or she is). Seeing how much one of my lecturer has changed since she first entered my class is just an eye-opening experience. I can see that she seeks to give it her best shot and her efforts to teach no matter how bizarre the class is. I won’t say that she is tough yet she gets going. I am not saying that I’ve been a good guinea pig to her since I hated her at the beginning too. But wells, it could have been better if she was already who she is now previously. Seeing her pour effort into her work just makes me feel guilty if I don’t do her work.

I still hate my Semester 2 timetable. It is such a misery to have classes ends at 5, 630 and 7 every single day I am in college except for Thursdays which I finish at 1015am. I get so lethargic the moment I reached home. I just feel like sleeping and my eyes were just closing. But I guess I have to endure for now until our complaints get accepted by the poor-old-lady (who is on leave for a week) in charge of our intake. You know how old-poor-M-ladies do their work. Not the first time I have encounter it anyways. They are just ignorant, lazy and often finds the easy way out.

I promise I will follow up with my feedback. If I don’t get a prompt reply after 7working days. Trust me. I’d shoot them with another official complain. I mean, at least give us a reply to tell us that our feedback have been read even if you FAIL to give me and my gang an explanation. And if you can’t give a reply (or don’t dare), then don’t promise the students and don’t encourage feedbacks. And the are training tomorrow’s professional today? I suppose they themselves are professionally unprofessional.

I got so annoyed and pissed the other day when I went to sit for my Maths test at BBJ. Yes, it was held at the exam hall for such a small test at a place 10minutes away from campus. I found out that I was sitting for a resit paper which had questions ranging for Chapter 1-12. It made it as though as I’ve failed the module although I did not. I applied for Test 1 which was supposed to be from Chapter 1-6. And it was supposed to be 1 and the half hour. Not two. Yes, I failed to do the last 6 Chapters. They were just making things easier for the admin by not needing to prepare so many papers. If you were in my shoes, sitting for an exam that you know will determine your marks, in such a condition, how would you feel? It’s an exam that will add into my marks. Not just any quizes.

Had a very interesting day yesterday. A very motivating day I’d say. I was just smiling at the end of yesterday to myself. Firstly, the Prostitutions-Debates, we won. I’d say that it was a very interactive and fun debate. I did put that little glimpse of hope and expected a victory. Nothing but victory and yeah, we won. I suppose that it was an easy win because the other party did not really have stats and facts to back up their points. Coming to think about it, I thank St.John’s for giving me such good and solid foundation in dramas and debates. ISKL, Inter-school, Inter-class has definitly contributed to who I am now. It helps me so much with the wide exposure I’ve got being in St.John’s. With good teachers looking after you and guiding you, I know the drama and debates knowledge imparted to me is definitly still in me.

Things get so easy when you’ve faced even worst challenges. I remembered when I was in ISKL for 2-2 debates, it was tough. It wasn’t easy debating with debators from international school But it widened my experience and knowledge. I may have lost, but the lost has garned me more victories when I am out now. I am more than grateful to know that I was in a school that has gave me such platforms and foundations.

Secondly, when Ivan sms-ed Yen Fen on the Organsational Social and Environment results, I stare with disbelief. According to Ivan and maybe Ms Civilised, I’ve got an A+ for that Module for Semester 1. That was the module I feared the most, I had to memorise so much and I did it all in 1 night. It was tough but I guess by God’s grace, I made it through again. Coming to think about it, I crapped a lot in the paper (as usual lah!). The many examples and all was all made up with some Uncivilised thinking. I still wonder if it is true, cause you know the 2-above-mentioned people can’t be trusted =D. I meant the mastermind of this result thingy can’t be trusted. But well, better look at things the brighter side right? =D Since I’ve targeted an A+ for all my module EXCEPT MATHS. I just hate Maths, I am sure you guys know by now.

I just got a little agitated when someone suddenly asked for emergency credit. And so on and so forth. I don’t care and want to elaborate. Read my MSN Nick and PM and you will know.

I have come to a point (when the political situation in Malaysia is such a mess) where I wonder why Malaysia still can’t be a developed nation. Or perhaps, a developing nation to be. You ever took time to wonder why and what is hindering us from great developments that lies ahead? The People!

I am not gonna discriminate who did right and who did wrong but as a general overview, the people are the ones hindering the country’s growth; especially people in high positions. Malaysia has a great potential to prosper and to be developed. However, with those in power handling the finance and matters, Malaysia will only continue to suffer and not prosper.

I am ending this here as I leave it to what you want to think about what I’ve just written. I don’t want to bother elaborating. This came into my mind after having dinner with someone just now. Coming to hear facts and stories of our very own beloved country, it saddens me. I know it is the right thing to keep it short as I know it’s not relevant to many of my readers genre. =)

Location: Starbucks KLCC

I was feeling the pinch when I was in LRT jst now. I saw a parent, perhaps it was parents abusing their children. Not exactly abusing. But it was basically how parents punish and discipline their kids. I saw 2 scenarios. One was when the mother just hit the thigh of a child age 3-4. And the other hit the child aged 7-8, basically hit her on the head and whacked her from the back because she chose to use the other exit from the LRT.

I am not against punishment nor discipline. Neither am I against parents. Let’s just be fair. Kids are naughty. Who isn’t naughty? If a kid isn’t naughty, they aren’t kids. Kids tend to be naughty and there are many different levels of naughty. On the other hand, there are also various level of discipline. What happened was these parents just hit the kids’ head, back, thigh and so on and so forth without even explaining what the kid did wrong.

Not only that, the parents go cursing and swearing at the kids. And telling them all kinds of words kids should not be hearing. They might be naughty, but proper discipline should be carried out instead of just hitting them. Basically I call that abuse. And swearing and demotivating the kids like that? It’s a no-no. The child might not only get inferior in the furture but might have low self esteem and rebelious atitudes when they grow up. The child will then catch hold of these ugly words and do the same thing to their children or friends.

How would the world become if all parents do that to their children? Everyone cursing and swearing. Abusing in public and so on. What is the world gonna be like? Parents should learn to discipline their kids in a right manner. Not just doing it for the sake of doing it. I have not even mention fathers who comes back and abuse their kids after a long day at work or being drunk. Discipline is vital for all children. Doing it in a proper manner will do lots of benefits.

To me, a parents should maybe always gives warnings to their kids. And punish or cane when the rules are breached. And thereafter, explain why the disciplinary was taken and then show care and love to make them feel secure. Children should know that parents loves them and not torture them. When kids knows that you are doing it the right way, they learn to respect you for the way you are for keeping your promises. That, ultimately should be the right way. Not disciplining them without reasons or explanations.

Kids and childrens have feelings. They have a sense of belonging too. What you do is what they do in return. They observe you when you least expect them too. Proper examples has to be shown to the kids. I have personally seen children that behaves really well and acts just like their parents does. They respect and they communicate well.

Parents too should not force and give high expectations to their kids. It kills them. I’ve heard of parents who does that, and when their children does not get the desired results, they cane; they curese; they swear. What is this all about? Every children have their pace of learning. Even adults too. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has ther own unique capabilities. You cannot force a child to excel in a subject you enjoy most because their interest might be different from yours.

I am grateful and thankful to be in a hime where discipline was carried out in a proper manner. When I was young, I go hiding and running when my parents wants to cane me. I go running away when they shout at me for not doing certain things. But as I grew older, I realised it was my fault over certain things. It did got me a lil upset and rebellious at the beginning but after a few days, I know and realise why I got punished, why I got caning. I learnt from it. Even at times when my parents explain to me, I choose to reject and put the blame on others but as I grew older, it kept me thinking that it was all done for my good.

I knew if it was not done, I wouldn’t be who I am now. The confidence in me belongs to my parents who have showered me with care and disciplined me with love. If I wasn’t diciplined, maybe I am someone who is notorious right now. Nevertheless, I know I am the first child, much more expectations were put on me. Much more hope is exerted on me. But not denying the fact that much more love was showered to me too. It was all fair for me, I’d say.

I know many disagrees that punishments should not be carried out. But I can’t imagine a world where there is no discipline. Neither can I imagine a world where all the kids are just loved and cared for. I don’t know how these kids will grow up to be but as for me and my experiences handling kids and talking to people, I know discipline is essential in a home with kids. It may bring pain but the pain is so temporal so that they can learn.

Different approach are needed when the kids grow older. Caning will no longer work. Parents has to be wise in handling their own kids.

Kids are ultimately the cutest things on earth God has created; yet the most notorious ones are the kids themselves too. Let’s be fair to the kids and not abuse them unnecessarily so that they grow up to be a better, wiser and stronger person in the future. I love kids and yet I don’t overly-manja them. Kids indeed does bring colours to one’s lives =)

I am sorry for neglecting this place for a while as I’ve been a little frustrated over my desktop which got virus, my miserable Semester 2, my work and all. But I am able to truly spend some time alone and just keep myself away from communication. I know many are hunting me down as I don’t and refuse to reply to smses. And I mean seriously, I don’t reply to any question or whatsoever. And now my Maxis phone has RM 315.50 worth of credit and Digi another RM 80. That shows how much I use for the past few months.

Many have been asking and will be asking why is Alvin Kok turning into some “emo-freak”. I am here to say I am not. I am someone who is emotional to a certain extent. Not to till the heaven so high that you people are talking about. Being in teenage years isn’t easy. With the amount of pressure you have to succumb to, the amount of work that you have to cope with, the criticism people throws at you. It is tough. But being a teenager who falls down and cry and thereafter picks himself up and tries even more is someone who will be successful.

I am in the process of learning so much about life. You may say it’s late but to me, it’s better late than never. Learning more and more each day as I go through each ordeal, hurt and pain. I can’t deny I will be hurt; just for a moment and after that I pick myself up and start all over again. In the same way, I am learning to understand people and their behaviours. Learning not to just understand but analyse. I know it is not too good but from there, I learn how to be someone even better.

Life is something given by God which is so wonderful and something that man could enjoy and grow. It is an endless learning experience. You may be old, but yet you are still learning. Thats what I think; at least. I am in a good mood today, so wells. You can’t read my emo stuffs- for those of you who thought I would =D

Just that very moment, you thought everything was back to normal. Back to it’s origin. Back to where it once started; everything turned out to be more disastrous than before. Can you imagine that? I was at a point of giving a real smile and yet everything went crazy in just a glimpse of one night. One short and dreadful night.

I thought things were fine. Things were ammended. Things were all great. But just because of that small, silly and tiny mistake I’ve made. Everything went wrong. Just because of my selfishness to sleep without caring about others. Just because of my anger and mood that night I went to sleep. Yet I didn’t bothered that someone was really keen on knowing certain things were only I knew.

I don’t know why I’ve turned into a selfish idiot lately. Everything I do, I just think of myself. Especially when it comes to sleeping; my excuse will always be college time and all. But I’ve never thought about others whom I have to spend time with or things I’ve to handle. I often compromise. I often justify.

I know I am physically fighting my mental. I don’t know but often I give in to physical; sleep. Penning this down after 2 days that happened. I realise I’ve done a big mistake. A big mistake to just sleep and off my phone that night. Maybe such things wouldn’t have happened. Maybe I could sleep an hour later being relived rather than waking up seeing that message of hurt and pain.

I was being inconsiderate I know. I wished that moment never happened. Never. But I know it has happened. And I am so disappointed with myself, my acts, and my foolishness.

I didn’t mean to do any payback of what you did to me; neither was I trying to make you feel the way I felt but I was just tired. I compromised. My fault. =(

Now when your apologies ain’t accepted; you get pure ignorance; you get cold replies. How does that feel? I am feeling just exactly the way it is. And it is such frustrations. I wished I’ve never done such a thing. And I wish I could be selfless. I just need to maybe take some time to understand you and myself better. My heart is filled with guilt and frustrations.

I am sorry.

In college; in the midst of a 3 hour break;

Everyone has choices; like it or not. Fair or not. True or not. Everyone has choices; everyone has to have an answer for their choices. With questions comes answers. Answers are often tough to give; tough to make. I am talking about life.

I am in the point of asking myself so many questions and doubting over so many things. Some things goes unnecessary; but yet I am spending so much time dwelling myself in unanswered questions. Everything now is so questionable; it’s motives, it’s purpose; it’s reason. Now I know why people always say, ‘Don’t think too much’, ‘Don’t bother!’, ‘Don’t ask’. I’ve realise that it’s just words to calm one down.

I am asking and doubting on so many things. Questions includes, ‘Was I selfish?’, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have slept that night?’, ‘Maybe I’ve not done enough?’, ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have did that?’, ‘Was I in the position to even talk?’ and so on and so forth. The questions playing in my head over and over again lft unanswered. The things I’ve done, I still questions it’s motives.

Why am I in such a position? A position that my brains just can’t stop thinking. Dwelling in the thins which maybe I can’t even change or maybe not in the position to change. Why oh Why? Another question, yet again… I wished that I was thought-free. Thought-free in the sense that I can just take a great break of all these unnecessary stuffs.

Somethings appeares to be simple but yet it ended up so complicated. Things that appears so simple often complicates and things that appears so tough and complicated often makes it so simple. This is life. Life is unfair, unjust with unnecessary thoughts. Sometimes I choose not to think but I always fail at the end. Every moment on bed, especially becomes a torture and nightmare because of my wild thoughts.

I wonder how can I get rid of unnecessary thoughts. I’ve tried various ways. Or am I too worried and concern? Maybe I am just a thought provoking person?

Another question left unanswered…

Life has been miserable. I’ve had a tough week. A rough week. A terrible one.
I was tearing myself apart last night. Tears was and were overflowing. Just the moment I thought things were fine. Apparently not! I went through hell. I went through torture. I mean emotional torture. I wonder why I get wounded so easily. Physically, I look fine. I look great but it isn’t that great after all.

My emotional torture is killing me. I have been trying to justify what has been happening. Even to the extent of cheating my own to keep me from being so emotional. But it seems that it doesnt work. Justification just brings more expectations. The more I justify to things, the more I am creating expectations. And I’ve learnt not to create any expectations at all.

I’ve just taken a step to just write an email. A very long email to this person who has been making me this way. It isn’t this person’s fault of making me this way. It is just probably how much I miss this person. And I can’t comprehend things when this person is gone.

Why is everyone leaving me one by one? It’s hurting me deep within. I can’t accept the fact that it’s your turn to leave me. Just after less than 2 months, someone left me. Why am I seeing you leave and crying all over it when I can’t do much. I don’t know. Things are getting so tough along the way. Justifying it, I told myself God will never allow something that I can’t bear. But it seems so unbearable on my side.

I am reluctant to see you leave although it’s for your own good. I know I can’t be that selfish but with you leaving, things will change even more. I am having flunctuating emotions lately. Don’t dare or challenge me. Neither even try to get my anger. I didn’t feel like blogging but I promised MAX that I’d do his tag. I care for him enough to keep my promise. So, I just took the opportunity to write something short to keep my readers anticipating.

I am still waiting for the Pastas picture to blog about it…

Name: Alvin
Sisters: 1
Brothers: 1
Shoe size: I don’t know
Height : 5ft 10 plus plus
Where do you live: Cheras Indah. Shifting to Taman Baki in just 2 months
Favourite drinks: Sprite? Starbucks?
Favourite breakfast: Nothing specific
Have you ever been on a plane?: Of course lah! Aussie fanatic!
Swam in the ocean : I suppose?
Fallen asleep at school : As always. since Secondary School.
Broken someone’s heart: YES =(
Fell off your chair : Yeah!
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes. It was a hell torture for me. Worried to death

Saved e-mails: Of course?
What is your room like : Simple and messy
What’s right beside you: Camera. Have to help dad load pictures in Prague
What is the last thing you ate: Rice?
Ever had chicken pox: Yea
Sore throat: Often
Stitches: None
Broken nose: No No and No

Do you
believe in love at first sight: Unsure
Like picnics: Just okay. Don’t fancy the hot sun
Who was the last person you danced with: Got no idea. Was some time ago I think
Last made you smile: _ _ _
You last yelled at: Brother..

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Not really
Kissed anyone: Nopes
Get sick: Nah…
Talk to an ex: . . . .
Miss someone: Veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Eat: Abuthen?

Best feeling in the world: When things were all so fine.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: nope
What’s under your bed: my brother’s bed
Who do you really hate: Her!
What time is it now?: 1028pm

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now : Yes. Very
Do you have any siblings: YES YES!~
Do you want children: Of course I do.
Do you smile often: Fake smiles? Real smiles?
Do you like your hand-writing: Just okay. Better than many =)
Are your toe nails painted: nope
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: Hotel beds? Parents
What colour shirt are you wearing now: blue
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Was smsing BL to arrange for Justin’s outing.
When did you cry last : Just now?
Are you a friendly person: Ask the people around me?
Do you have any pets: NO!
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: Church? Home? Not sure..
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: Nahhh..
Do you sleep with the TV on?: Nope.. what for?
What are you doing right now?: doing this tag?
Have you ever crawled through a window?: If you have the brain enough, you won’t crawl the windows stupid!
Can you handle the truth?: Am unsure
Are you too forgiving?: Maybe?
Are you closer to your mother or father?: Both?
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: I, ME, MYSELF!
How many people can you say you’ve really loved?: Countless…
Do you eat healthy?: I doubt it!
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: Mmmm
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: I dont think so
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: Him and Her?
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: LOUD?
Are you confident?: I have hell low self esteem!

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
(a) Primary School
(b) play, play and play
(c) eat
(d) sleep
(e) play more

5 things on my to-do list today:
(a) pack room/ house
(b) sleeeeeppp
(c) dreammm
(d) watch forensic heroes
(e) dreammmm and cryyy! =(

5 snacks I enjoy:
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
(e)

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
(a) spend spend spend
(b) keep keep keep
(c)
(d)
(e)
I shall not dream till I get my billions…

5 of my bad habits:
(a) wake up to early
(b) wate electric
(c) keep calling ‘KAKAK’
(d) fails to prioritise
(e) I wonderrrrrrrrr…

I am not gonna bother of thinking ot a title as this is gonna b another random post again. Just after 3 days in my Semester 2; i noticed and realised a lot of stuffs that I am and will face. Let me just roughly introduce my modules and see: Communication Skills, Introduction to Business, IT Application, Quatative Methods Study. Let’s just take a look at a list that I’ve come out with:

1. Overlapping of syllabus
I have realised the topics on my new modules are very much similar to my Semester 1. I don’t know why but it seems that the modules overlaps each other. For instance, Communication Skills overlaps with Personal Development and Study Methods; Introduction to Business overlaps with Organisational and Social Environments; and Quantative Methods overlaps with Mathematics. I am not saying the whole module and topics are in common but there are mostly the same. Maybe this semester might be more in-depth study. I am not sure. IT Application basically is about Microsoft Words, Excel, Access and Powerpoint. That is basically my syllabus for this semester

2. Suffering over the new timetable
I hate my new timetable. And no, if you think Alvin hates all his timetable, I don’t. My first semester was quite okay for me. My new timetable starts all classes from 8am to 5pm or 6pm from Mondays to Fridays except Thursdays. Thursdays are my official off day. However, can you imagine the amount of time spend in the college doing unuseful stuffs. Bear in mind, I got 2-3 hours break in between classes every single day. It’s such a waste of time and money. I can actually finish classes 3 hours earlier if they take off the break. And probably I’d been having sufficient and adequate rests.

3. The permanent lecturers
I mean I am not saying anything much on this. But I gotta add that I got a new Quantatative Methods lecturer. She wasn’t suppose to be my lecturer. Ms Jessica was. She came in and she is so inexperienced. She can’t even control the class. She controls the class like a primary school. Her soft petite voice with poor command of English just makes you feel so annoyed. Her threats of bringing us to see who-and-who doesnt work at all. Her glarings are all just so useless. She does her work at her own pace; not at ours. I don’t know what she is teaching at all. I am seeing ber for both tutorials and lectures, if you are wondering. 3 times a week of her face is just sickening.

4. Facing the Admins!
You know what I mean, problems are already arising at it’s first semester. Classes and Names not right. Last mnute notices. The unclear notices and so on sometimes just bothers you. They can’t take the initiative to print the whole list out and for students to change it. They have to hear long stories and they change from the computer itself. You don’t even know how messy and time consuming it was. Their reluctant faces was terrible. And there, they got so efficient by calling everyone of us personally through phone to pay our fees. Isn’t that ridiculous? Time isn’t even up. You aren’t even settled with your own admin problem and you come ask for fees from us?

All in all, I shall summarise that college is great without APIIT’s admin. 2nd Semester will not be easy for me as I can’t get the opportunity to crap already. And thats so sad. I am deprived of sleep lately. I am getting so lazy because Semester 1 just finished. And I didn’t study for Semester 1 either. So I’ve not studied for some time.

I am and was selected for a debate sessiong this Monday. I am clueless how to debate on the topic we chose ourselves. It is part of Communication Skills. Let’s see if you can help!
‘Every couple should have children’. I am on the pro. In short, I am supporting that everyone should have children. Tell me about it?

I know the topic is weird but well, not like there are any better choices. Ms Shamini whom herself is weird gave us weird topics, such as Sex Education, Plastic Surgery, Vegetarian and all. So, not much choice. The other team choice Sex Education.

I’ve come to a point where I am seeing things differently. Different in the sense that I don’t see things as naive as I used to. I don’t get easily cheated anymore; neither do I go around believing what others say without even checking. Coming to think about all these; I was foolish. Or perhaps the word I should use is: immature; childish; kiddy.

I am officially 18. Being 18 means a lot to me. I used to dream of growing up. Growing tall. Growing big. And I used to ask if I can emulate this and that. That was when I was young. But I no longer am. No longer I will be that young again. In another words, I am in a stage where I can’t be that naive or stupid or foolish anymore. Not that I can’t but it wont be that easy for me to be naive, in a way.

Being 18 means maturity. Since many have been questioning and commenting over the post that I wrote I am aging. I am not gonna bring the word up. Instead, maturity is what I am talking about here. Maturity to me is a symbol of growth. It symbolises that I have the ability to make decisions for myself, the ability to stand up on my own, the courage to take up challenges, the boldness to experience the outside world and so on.

Being matured here doesnt mean being old. Neither does it mean being young. Maturity in a person can come at any age for any sex. It is believed that many scientist has proven some graphs and all on maturity, but it still varies in different people. A physically petite and small girl can tell you things you can’t imagine of. Sometimes, even words adults don’t say.

In this world now, everything changes. Things are getting so different. It does affect the maturity of some people. I am saying this because I think I am considered matured since I entered 2007. I don’t know whether it is a bit young or old to really get matured. But I do think that being around people with good influences does affect growth.

I grew up in an environment where I am always around church members who cares and who conducts and brings themselves well. From there, I’ve learnt so much about life. Someone once told me, you can easily adapt anywhere you go because of the wide communication you have and the endless people you meet with different personality. I never understood that phrase till now when I really come to think about it. It is so true. Now, wherever I go, I can easily adapt.

Like it or now, we don’t have the power to decide when we want to get matured. If we do, this world will be all wild and cranky. In fact, I thank God the power doesnt lies in our hands.

I do get annoyed with real big adults who behaves like kids at times; does things like kids. Spitting. Cursing. Swearing. I forgive you if you are a kid but you’re an adult. But when I come to think about it. They probably just aren’t matured enough

Enough of yapping =D I don’t know what rubbish I am writing already. This post is messy and confusing. Tell me about it! =D