My heart is so excited with this week. Preparing to be busy and tired but wells, I know things will go on well because I know God has been great to me and he will continue to prove Himself greater in my life. Nothing can stop me from being amused by His wonders and His works. I’ve learnt that whatever the turn out will be that night, even 100 people, I will still glorify His name because the lives that changes are the lives that matters most. Not the team, Not nothing or Not the many many people.

Although I am nervous to see how many will turn up. I am trying to put it aside and concentrate on what is more important; even now. So often my concentration goes everywhere but yet when I pray every night for the event, the Lord has brought me back. Knowing that all we do is to be used by Him and let Him do the rest is comforting. I just pray that many young people that night will come as one group; one voice with hands lifted up for His glory and for His Name.

I don’t deny I might easily get heart attack because my heart is so crazily excited for this day to come. More than ever any other events that has happened. Many things are done and I thank the ROCKers and the youths who have been actively supporting this event and being so helpful in many ways to ensure the success of the event. They have been a superb blessings to me and it ain’t easy to see them all united as one with one vision is to see God’s love be magnified in the lives of the youngsters.

This week will definitly be a hectic week. I need punching bags; I just told Lai Shan yesterday. Perhaps I need somewhere I can go to. I mean physically. But wells, I went for BOLT with LS and BL today after church after much pleading. Kinda a way to release stress. Not exactly. It was lose weight to be exact. Walking to KLCC yet again. Twice a week can be a lil sickening.

I suppose I bought myself a Starbucks after more than 2 months break (I think) to pamper myself a lil on the way to go meeting them. Had Toffee Nut. I use to dislike it but apparently, now I kinda enjoy it. Cause I tot Java Chip is a lil too heaty for me. Anyhow, just Starbucks. I don’t really fancy it anymore. Really. I gave away my voucher to BL also.

Christmas is around the season. Have not got a chance to really go buy stuffs yet. But I know I gotta do it soon or else I am so dead when someone gives me stuffs and I have nothing in return to give back. I know it’s not neccessary but wanna avoid the ‘pai seh’ feeling. But all in all, I’ve been reminded: He’s the Reason for the Season. Well, I don’t know what to get. I don’t have many things I want to get though cause I don’t give everyone. You guys know I am ‘kiam sap’. Not the first time.

But yeah la, I will give la. When I need to give. And when I sense the importance to give you. Hahaha. I am seriously mean. Argh, shifting of house is postponed to another week. Damn stress shift before New Year.

Just some random updates from me for now.

Catch me at ADORE 2008: Christmas. Concert. Celebration
December 19th, 2008 (Friday)
7pm
KL Baptist Church.
Come by LRT and come earlier by 6pm? Lots of prevents and fun for you to participate in.

Some people just have to make unnecessary moves to hurt people around them.
Have they ever think of the effects on all the comments and sighs they have made?
It is so discouraging.
They say. They talk. The accuse.
Worst of all, they backstab.
I mean seriously.
Yes. I am brushing it ALL away and keeping myself as positive as I could stay.
The negative remarks – Deep within me, I feel discouraged.

I know this road is not easy. Has never been easy.
I am just frustrated at how certain people would prolly behave.
I find it immature.
But well, I know when God is on my side, nothing can be against me.
Whatever you want to say, you go ahead.
Whatever you want to do behind, do it.
I don’t seem to find a reason to be against you.
For I know when God is in control, nothing else matters.

You hate it when I tell you how I feel deep within.
But yet you don’t want to listen to how I feel.
Or perhaps even care about how I feel and how I think.
You just brush me away like the wind.
Yes, you still hate it when I tell you how I feel deep within.
You think its mere lies and jokes.
You only think you’re right all the time and I am wrong.
You just keep taking and taking from me;
And one day I am running dry.
Will you ever bother to listen to me for once?
I have so much deep within I want to say but it’s all kept deep within.
No, I don’t want others to tell you how I feel about you.
Why must it be when I give, then everything is fine;
When I don’t, everything isn’t fine.
Your ignorant self is killing me.
Your weird attitude and thoughts are keeping me intrigued.
I hate thinking about you;
But I can’t help myself.
You always think you don’t deserve someone like me;
Yet you never try to take a remedy to it.
You just say. It’s mere words.
No actions are taken all the time.
You tell me to make me happy just for that second;
And vanished the next second.
I wish you actually realised.
You’ve taken me for granted. Too much.
But yet, I can’t help it.
Why? Why? Why?
Life with you is tougher than anything else in this world.
I’ve tried to go every mile to make you smile;
But have you even gone a feet far to make me smile?
I’ve given every hundreds in my wallet to make you feel good;
Have you ever spend me cents to make me feel the same way too?
I’ve spend my time waiting, thinking to ensure you’re fine;
Have you ever spend the same amount of time for me?
I feel like waking you up.
You’re not the person I once knew. Not at all the same.
But you think you’ve changed for the good;
I can’t help to feel helpless and speechless when you say that.
I feel small. Intimidated. Insignificant.
Life have changed tremendously when I first knew you.
Stagnant as it is now with you.
Hurting every part of me.
Your threats kills me all the time.
The part of heart is for you and it will always be.
Once the scars are there, it’d always be there.
I have my own feelings too, I hope you realise.
It’s not just about you you and you.
In my dark times, have you ever been there to hear me out?
Yes, last time. Now, never. Ignorant comes into play.
Sometimes I wonder how significant I am.
Was it what you used to tell me years ago?
I wonders deeply. It ain’t easy.
I’ve tried letting go but it doesn’t seem to apparently work.

Argh!~ I need to work on something to get myself busy and to stop contemplating!
Maybe I should be deprived of the Internet or something.
Anyways, I will be in a weeks time when I get into the new house.
Streamyx ain’t that good after all to come immediately.
I need my external hard drive! Urgently.
Or else my computer will explode. Real soon.

No one should miss this video. The recording wasn’t so good but the song is meaningful. I have the live version but I can’t post it. So youtubed it.. =P

I realise Ive made choices of my own that has caused me to get such consequences. I don’t know how to put it into words but it was my own choice. I’ve been very moody today. I suppose the more I stay at home and get my own time, the more moody I am. I tend to think so much more than I am in college. And it’s starting to get sick although it’s just my first off-day in Semester 3. I’ve many more Mondays and Fridays off to go. I completed all that I need to complete, do all I need to do. But shucks, I still have time to be alone. I suppose solitude is meant to be good, but not to this extend now.

I think and think endlessly. I come to all those unhealthy thoughts. Argh. I once thought I’ve successfully let go everything I used to hold on to just few weeks ago. But just today, I realised I’ve not fully let go. Although I think I put pretty much effort in it already.

Going back to my title; I was just reluctant to eat the food on the table for dinner just now. I felt like I just didn’t want to eat those on the table. So, I decided to totally not to eat it. And now I secretly got my aunty to get me food. I was just not in the mood just now. Yes. I decided not to eat. I decided to throw my anger and frust out. I am freaking not in the mood. And now I am still waiting for my aunty and it’s 9pm.

I have been waiting endlessly almost every night. I am stubborn to have not changed. I am still wondering if I have lost someone. I wait (or maybe yearns) for the smses; which I doubt will even come. I am stucked in my emotions- thats what to describe my Monday today.

I just hate such feelings. Very honestly. My mind is now everywhere. My mind is scattered all over the place now. Thinking of this, that, him, or perhaps her and so on and so forth. How many more hours, days and weeks or years I have to endure. I’ve taken in so much. I’ve learnt much the past few months.

I need to get students in on Mondays and Fridays. I don’t want to keep thinking and thinking of things which aren’t beneficial at all. Argh.

Seeing things that is going so well with that person. I prolly wonder why am I so foolish to still even go view his profile and see what he does. Maybe when things are well, you aren’t needed. I don’t know and I have a very extremely bad day today after soo long… And I’ve never expected it to be this way since it was a day off for me.

Mondays and Fridays off till March may soon kill me if I don’t find something to do eh??

And coming to realise, I am shifting from Cheras Indah in less than a month’s time.