When you find that everything you do, just ain’t right makes you feel like giving up at times…

I find that I am trying so hard to studyyy…
trying and trying and trying… but I just can’t concentrate…
end i end up being on frenster, being on blogger(like now), going through mails…

ish…. i just find that everything i am doing is just plain weird….
i am sick and trying to tell myself i need to at least read a bit.. but i can’t! i jsut don’t know whyyy….
i really need someone to scold me and push me, then i’ll study i guess…
My spirits in FORM 3 PMR is all missing… hmph,….
thats all for now, i guess…

I find it so hard to forgive people nowadays..
The word ‘It’s okay’, ‘Don’t worry’, ‘Everything is fine’, I just can’t express it just like that!
Yess, it is like taking the world from meee…
Well, of course i do forgive people, but not everyone,
sometimes, things done needs a lot of time to recover or perhaps reflection over the wrongdoings of others…
It is not that I don’t want to forgive, but it is really hard at times…

People who have not talk to me for long due to some issues suddenly came up to me this few days and say hi and his person started noticing me! =p
I was like, ‘owwh… okay’ and yeah, u guessed it right there… I did not replied this person!
I felt a lil guilty after that but i think i need time to really see what works best between us.
Instead of just saying a hi and accepting people’s apology just like that is kinda lame plus i have NOT forget what actually happened…
Although what actually happened wasn’t a big deal after alll..
I just felt uncomfortable replying this person anymore…
I am controlling my emotions once again,
the guilty feelings are felt is so strong till for once, i thought I was the one in the wrong..
Knowing well, I wasn’t! =p
On the other hand, being brought up from a CHristian background which teaches me to forgive and forget is yet not forgotten…
I am trying, and I hope I am not trying too hard and that everything will just be okay…
I don’t mind having this person as a friend, but I need to take consideration of the things he has done to me, the influence he is going to give to me, the impact he is in my life…
I don’t wanna be influenced and affected by people so easily…
Therefore, a real forgiveness from me needs a lot of time….

I am sincerely sorry to say this but yeah, this is what I have been thinking for the past days..

And owh, yeah…
I’ve been invited by Actors Studio Bangsar to be involve in a pioneer program that wll be aired on National Television. I don’t know if it is really genuine, but will seee =p

And yeah, acting maybe one of my interest but not my occupation, I hope…
But wherever my Lord leads, I follow…

Alvin

For the buaya…
For all those times you stood by me,
For all the truth that you made me see,
For all the joy you brought to my life,
For all the wrong that you made right,
For every dream you made come true,
For all the love I found in you,
I’ll be forever thankful baby,
You’re the one who held me up, never let me fall.
You’re the one who saw me through, through it all

You were my strength when I was weak,
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak,
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see, you saw the best there was in me,
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach, you gave me faith ‘coz you believed,
I’m everything I am, because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly,
You touched my hand I could touch the sky,
I lost my faith you gave it back to me,
You said no star was out of reach,
You stood by me and I stood tall, I had your love I had it all.
I’m grateful for each day, you gave me,
Maybe I don’t know that much, but I know this much is true.
I was blessed because I was, loved by you.

You were my strength when I was weak
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach, you gave me faith ‘coz you believed,
I’m everything I am, because you loved me.
You were always there for me, the tender wind that carried me,
A light in the dark, shining your love in-to my life,
You’ve been my inspiration, through the lies you were the truth,
My world is a better place, because of you.

For the past few days, I’ve been having this crazy, stupid headache, with added frusts and miseries. Life has not been treating me good…

Many who know me well, knows that I am always aiming to be the best, aiming to be excellence, and here I repeat, excellence! Not perfection!
But at times, aiming for the best makes myself a better person and make situation far worst. I’ve never expected something this bad can happen- the fights, the arguments has constantly been annoying and irritating me. With just the one word- NO! -can cause such things to happen. The questions of am I in the wrong, what have I done wrong, what have I said are left unanswered.

Through the many grueling years I’ve been through, Form 4 seems to be the worst. I have not answer to it but everything just doesn’t go smooth. Everything I hope for or dream for are scattered, most of them laa… I don’t mind if it is scattered, but my concern is that I wanna know what is the reason? I am left blur when it comes to the question, Why is my life so miserable this year? Seriously, my brain is as clean as a white piece of blank paper when I am to answer myself! At times, I reflect on the many things I’ve done, I know I’ve not done enough, but I have tried… Have I tried too hard? I have got no idea at all…

Having constant disturbing questions like this makes me go cranky…
How and how and how am I supposed to help myself…. I am always left unanswered!

But one thing for sure: having the love of friends and family and GOD, makes me go through my hours faster and easier. Seriously, they have made a great impact on my life. They are never forgotten.

And most of all:
I am accepted
I am anointed
I am adopted
I am blessed
I am born again
I am bold
I am blameless
I am changed
I am commissioned
I am a conqueror
I am called
I am a son of God
I am chosen
I am capable
I am crucified
I am delivered
I am dead to sin
I have eternal life
I am complete
I am clean
I have faith
I am forgiven
I am free
I am free from sin
I have foundation
I have glory
I am glad
I have grace
I am holy
I am God workmanship
I am an heir
I am healed
I have inheritance
I have joy
I am kept
I have life
I am loved
I have liberty
I am like Christ
I am a new creation
I am justified
I am part of Christ body
I have peaceI have power
I am quickened
I am a royal priest
I am redeemed
I am righteous
I have a sound mind
I am strong
I am sanctified
I am seated with Christ
I am triumphant
I have wisdom
I am victorious
This is who I am in Christ and forever!!

Indeed it is really really true. GOD has proven himself faithful and true..

For the past few weeks, the song ‘Jesus Shall Take The Highest Honor’ really touch me.

The lyrics of the chorus which reads:
For all honor, and blessing and power,
Belongs to You, belongs to You,
All honor and blessing, and power,
Belongs to You, belongs to You,
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God

Indeed, all honour blessing and power belongs to Him, for He is great..
I’ve got no idea why it really touches my heart, but I think it is because I know God is working in and through me, and he is assuring me that For All I’ve Done, all honor, blessings and power belongs to Him… He is indeed amazing! =P

To my dearest *HER*,
I would like to just thank ya for being my pillar of hope and strength,
You have been great…
Making the deal of putting Him first instead of our relationship makes our relationship blooms faster and better. Knowing well that He is great and he is the author and perfection of our faith makes us feel secured..
Love you for all that you are and all that you have been!

By the way, eh I wantttt more sandwich, although I know I am getting fat, but it’s all your fault… =PPP
Sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich…..
And the way you asked me to eat the sandwich was hilarious,
Love ya to bits! =P

All honor, and blessing and power belongs to HIM,
Alvin

In just a blink of my eye,
The clock ticks,
And everything changes,
From the good moment to the most furious moment of the year 2006,

I might have just said in my previous blog that life has been treating me good, and in a blink of my eye, everything can go wrong… Making my life miserable and torturous…

There may be a saying or a proverb which says that adults know more than you(the younger people). To make some sense, sometimes it can be really true as they have gone through so much in their life. But to certain extent, they might also be the one that makes the most mistakes… No one wants a bad history to repeat itself!
The adults are the one who really got me on my nerves the pas few days!
For example, during the worship team outing. Everything went so smoothly and it was really fun but in just a few seconds, everything changes…
They (the adults) think that they are so great, so pro and most of all, they think that they are right…

We had a discussion about the worship team and they brought up a lot of pointers- which I personally thought it was great!

The part when I was furious was when everything they goes wrong in the worship team- lack of people, not enough potential etc etc they WOULD PUT THE BLAME ON THE YOUTHS! As one of the leaders of ROCK, I would obviously have to defend ROCK! I, me, myself knows so well that now, ROCKers’, are serving in many ministries already!
For example, me and Su May serve almost 3-4weeks in a month while they only serve for just once a week! So, what is with the youths? Me and Su May have been occupied serving in the Hartamas Centre and First Service when they only serve in the 2nd service… SO, ain’t I right to say that we are doing more than what they are doing? I am not trying to say that we are great and we are doing more. My point here is that the youths are gonna be exhausted one day, if they continue to serve in the way they are serving now! All of us have to go through a cycle- which is to receive and to give! We receive from ROCK, and we give it out when we serve. The fact that some of us are only giving and not receiving! My point is that they themselves needs growth, they can just be burned out one day if they were to continue giving and giving without even receiving.

I don’t expect all the adults to serve every week, but at least I know the youths are doing their part. So, why blame the youths? The weaker group? NO!

When I said a firm NO in the discussion, they thought I was defensive over ROCK, and to them, everything is a NO to me. That’s not my point. If we still serve, it means basically I am full all 4 weeks, so, now how? Erm, serve 2-3 times in the 4 weeks. Ain’t I gonna be dead real soon, if I really do that? I am already being juggled every week into different places, so, what do they expect me or the youths to do? They just aren’t understanding! Can’t they just even volunteer themselves to serve more in a month? Can’t they avail themselves to give training (For your info, youths give training to the younger group), can’t they just get out of their comfort zone and work with some other people? Can they? NO!
The youths may be easier in mingling with anybody and everybody, but that’s not the way! It has to be fair..
At times, I pity Ashley! She just aren’t in control with this old folks! They think that they are always right! Oh please, even the arrangement of the band in the new building, the brand of the instruments, the rehearsal place also they have to argue… What more you want me to say!

In short, I just can’t help but to defend the youths and the ROCKers. No more misusing us… more than enough!

Well, life has been treating me great the past few days or even weeks…
The way everything is going, I am so thankful for the people who have always been standing beside me, supporting and guiding me through my torturous life at times… =P
I would therefore like to thank each and everyone of you guys.. You guys have been great! At times, life can be meaningless, but with you guys, many of you have lighted up my dull life! And definitely I can’t buy each and everyone of you stuffs, but erm, for this time, I have decided to use 1-2 blog posts as my tribute to you guys for always standing right next to me always… You guys have been outstanding, and I have just nothing much to say except to thank God for sending you people to my life…
This would definitely be a long list of my tribute to you people but I think you guys deserve my time to write everything down… (Do read everything if you have the time!)

My Drama Team Members (all 14 of you): I know it may be hard working with me for the 2 months or so, but I definitely have seen much of you people and I enjoy all the time we spent together… The tears, the joy, and etc etc etc have been great. We might not have made it true but in our hearts, we know we have done our very best, and we successfully made teacher cry!!! *winks* I know we might not have made it, but we know we are the best and I seriously just like the bunch of people that you are. Quoting from James: I hate you, please forgive me! –was a great joke but well, we know we are always there for each other, ryte?

Going down to my class:

THONG LEONG: Yeah, you are first on the list, as you are the one who bugs me, and gets me on my nerve most of the time. But you are definitely a great friend of mine.. Haha, going to toilet and strolling around the corridors, our hobbies are seriously great hobbies =P

ENG CHAH: He may not talk much, but he is brilliant… He is just someone who thinks a lot instead of talking.. Sitting next to you have been a great experience…

KHOLID: Being the teacher’s pet made you look great at times, haha, but I know you are seriously trying you best in your studies… even the ghosts can see that! But, don’t try to hard laa, make me sooo stupid now…. Haha, by the way, Dayang sucks! Wakaka *evil laughs*

BOON JIM: The frigid of 4/O! lol, I bet you finally know the meaning after calling you frigid sooo many times!

SOH: Haha, a very good buddy in class… You rock man… Haha, you are such a joker laaaaa… Yeah, Kabujiro is a great friend…. Lol

KIANG and JUN YANG: The two small kids of 4/O, the jokers, the one who makes dirty jokes in class. The pornologist lecturer! Well, you make me laugh my ass off most of the time…

BRYAN and CHIU: Haha, the 2 fellas that sits behind me!!!! Don’t la always try to imitate me, but it’s always nice talking to you both…

FELIX: Me, Chiu and Bryan teaching him how to date has been fabulous! You try lah, dun be so kayu…. Like what we always call you, hahaaaa…

SHAUN: He can study sooo hard and yet can get worst results than me, when I don’t study.. I pity him at times… He has try his so very best and he still don’t make it… I am not bragging but he is just working real hard but the results are not coming out… I don’t know how to really help you, but continue and keep up the good work…

MUN WAI and THIAGU: The 2 fellas sitting behind of the class.. Crazy jokers especially Thiagu… Mun Wai, you’re so meaaan to Shaun at times =pp

TABUH: I am speechless but disturbing and annoying you in class have been really really fun! =pp (For your info, I disturb Tabuh in class and will always gets him to trouble! And will push him to the teachers at all times! Notti, ain’t i?)

Moving on…

CLAIRE: You have been great great great… I think greater than anyone in the whole list here *winks* I just love ya for all the care that you have given to meeee, Haha, and what is wrong with six sense? I wannnnna know!!! Just wanna say that you have been great, being my source of strength at times, and my motivator, I just think that you deserve more than this crazy lil portion of blog for you… Hmph, will get ya something real soon… I like your gift =p! Love ya, miss ya and take care lots! =p will always remember, gajah buaya biri-biri prawnyyyy

KEVIN WONG: Hmph, the brother of Wong Mei Yi, can never stop ejek-ing me everytime he sees me… Haha, not so lar, nowadays… Erm, he ahs been great…. Haha, u just can’t stop playing your wife (piano)….! It’s a great blessing being able to serve in the worship ministry

BEN LEON: The fact that I know he is gonna reads this… So, am not gonna write too good bout him cause he is really a great brooooooo…. =P He is always there when I am mad and crazy! Just love him to bits laaah, to keep the story short…. Owh yea, I like buaya =PP

SU CHEN: The fact that she is always bored, I have got no idea why, but she is laaaarr… But well, she is a fun girl to chat with laaaaaaaaa….. Erm, her complaints to me about her being bored is weird and funny at times… lol.. And I personally thinks there is moe to come!

RICHARD: Owes me CHILISSSS….! Haha, just stay cool lah u… Alamak, u going to NZ pulak….. sad sad sad!

Bing Ern, Jonathan Phua, Kevin(again?), Caleb Y, Caleb C, Nicholas, Edmund: My grew up friends! They are the best people in my life as well, growing with them and seeing them grow have been great. It’s still on the skin of my head on the experiences that we went through, Especially those fun times we had – going to Genting, A’Famose etc etc has been great.. Fighting and quarrelling with each other has been an experience too… No matter what, you people are gonna be remembered. As we are all about to leave high school, this relationship will not just end here, but it will go further, I trust and pray!

MUN FAI: Erm he is a crazy fella to mix with… Beware of him…Haha

JACK KEE: the betrayer, nothing much about him, but well his rudeness gets me on my nerves at times… really! But he is quite an okay person

JUSTIN: Wow, being with you in the same class since std 1 till form 3 has been an amazing experience.. Knowing all your style and attitude has been great… It’s sad we are not in the same class in Form 4, but heh, I still meet you… So, what? Lol

JUN LIN: This smart ass here is really great! He can be a good and caring friend! We bully each other to the ends of the earth and always be friends again, isn’t that amazing?

YAP: Erm, hey fatty bom bom…. Jangan curi makan jagung.. lol =p erm, he is just so dedicated to his work that sometimes I admire him! He really shows much effort and initiative in his work… I need to learn from you laaaarr!

CHIK: chick chick chick chick chicky.. I am sure you kow how the tune go, if you read this! Haha, leaving SJI suprises all of us early of the year, but well, we all head for different directions and unfortunately, you ended up in SAB!

HARITH: Doing and going through many things with you have been really fun. Thank you for often sacrificing on behalf of me.. I appreciate lots…

IZZAT: Seeing you day in and out from the primary school makes me know you better as a person.. You are growing for sure…! Keep it up dude!

ONG: You are just so smart in you studiees… Keep teaching me Maths laaaa…. By the way, I am seriously worried about you now, how are you? Still terrified over the incident of being bash up this morning? No worries, take care always.. Will always be here to support you!

REFFAI: You know I have prejudice against you.. It’s really really obvious at times, it is always because of your mouth that I ignore you most of the time.. Sorry, but this are facts dude! But you are still my friend!

AVEENASH: I can never miss Aveenash, the joker who always gets me in trouble, and him being a natural joker is seriously in born… I think you need some brainwash la! Study hard yea?

EUGENE and EVAN: My 2 God brothers! Great people! Catch up with ya real soooon!

Here we go, the ROCKers!

JONO: The one in a million president of ROCK! Erm, thanks for always fetching me home =ppp Ad showing you servanthood makes me admires ya!

SZE XIAN: The one who always call me her younger brother, erm who cares and loves me! Miss ya always although you are in Canada! Come back quickkkk!

ESTHER: Erm, the girl who has great faith amazes me… Trusting Him day by day may not be easy but you have shown me that it works! You are seriously going to Aussie? Dun go laaaarrr…

ASHLEY: The woman with great voice! She has teaches me a lot of stuffs especially in worship…. Great woman of God! Keep it up!

GRACE and JESSIE: The 2 so-poh, I always call… cuz they are really crazy! But they are 2 smart people and they can be as fierce as tiger at times!

JOSEPH and JENNIFER: Great people I would say, always rise up to challenges and knows what they are doing… Jennifer, we miss you back here in Malaysia!

SHIREEN: Erm, my follow-up department head! Doing her best in everything is just great!!

GRACE CHAY: Hmph, working with her in the follow-up department and the camp committee has really been an eye opener! She really takes initiative in her work! Going the extra mile has really shown me much leadership skills in her! She is a great woman of God though…

SHARON CHAY: POggggggieeeeeE, unlike her sister! Haha, joking… Erm, she is just great lah, dunno what else to describe her adey…. =PPP sorry lorrr

YEEVON: Wow, always screams at people! She is like the mastermind behind most of the games…. She can really think of ways to torture people! Hmph, is it good or bad?

PAULINE: I dunno what to say.. speechless

ELAINE: Erm, she is like a princess lol…. She ahs many peminats and welll……..

ALENA, SHER LEEN, JIA HUEI, MICHELLE: Erm, the girly gang, a faithful comer of ROCK! Keep it up! Thanks for supporting me when I lead worship as well! =p

SU MAY: Mayyyyyyyyy, the girl that always support me in whatever do! I know she is always praying for me! She even prays for me when I am leading worship.. How cool is that? *hugs*

CHOON KIT: Now I officially put you under the ROCKer list adey… So, you better come more often yeah?

JIUN KEI: Erm, Jiun Kei has always been follow-up by me! He is secretive at times but a great guy laaaaaa… =pp

ALESA: A great servant of God! Well done!!

That’s all for now, look out for my next post! See ya people! You guys have been awesome!

Life blessed by you,
Alvin

I get annoyed easily when people takes me for granted…
I don’t mean at times I don’t wanna help but i am certain that the particular person can do it him or herself…
I don’t wanna pin point names here but, why?
Is it because I am too good that people thinks that I can do everything..
I am like giving myself unncessary stress, whats the point to that, can anyone give me an answer?

At times, such things can be tolerated. I do understand if the work can’t be done by him or herself but…
my point is that: the person can do it but he or she is jsut pure lazy to do that…
Why can’t someone just take up the initiave to just to it rather than getting me doing it…
At times, a no would hurt, but these days, I DON”T BOTHER anymore…
NO means NO, it is as if I am that free to do for the person..
I know i can but I just don’t want people to take my services for granted….
It is just a habit of some people whom i now label them as annoying idiots…

This isn’t the first time the particular person is asking me to do his or her work, but it has been consequtively repeating..
I do wonder, why don’t get me as his or her secretary?
Since you are just not capable, don’t take up the work, then….
It does not makes my day at all, but it’s actually giving me a bad day when I have to hurt people’s feelings by saying no…
I do understand, at times, when people can’t do it, then it’s alrite for me to take over, but not all the time doing it for the person..
I hate to give a no to people to give them a bad day, but i don’t have the choice…

I am just so fed up with one particular person, I am just not gonna talk to this person till my anger is over…
This person is annoying me non-stop, and annoying me not for the good, but for nonsence…
IF a person is annoying me for views, ideas or giving constructive criticisms, it’s okay with me…
But not just telling me stuff that i don’t think i deserve to hear…
it is not thatI don’t wanna hear but it’s true fact that i have either never done it, it’s rumours or i just don’t know..

People are just getting rotten day by day…
Not all, there are still some kind people, which i love them!
But many are just too rotten…
Anyway, people by my side, I will always love them..
Even if they tell me bad stuffs which I think it’s constructive…
I will accept…. but, now it’s jsut not facts…
Why is our society degrading in their moral values? Why oh Why?
I am really frsutrated now….

I get easily irritated and annoyed when i am force to say something that i don’t want to say…
I find that a teacher who keeps asking me to nod my head for the sake of it really makes me uncomfortable…
I can just listen, but i MIGHT NOT agree with what one is trying to say…
You might say i have good grammar and do not have sophisticated vocabulary, i agree…
But i can’t just agree on everything you are saying although you are an authority place over me..
I find myself placed in a situation of pure blurness- it’s just like yes yes yes for the sake of yes and no no no for the sake of no.
And to make things worst, you are trying to ask me something indirectly just to compliment yourself…how lame can it be?
And by answering such questions make me far stupider…
Forget about the ‘professional’ title, u just aren’t…
If you are you won’t bring the matter to class… that’s being so unprefesional..
By asking the students, what faults she have, who will even dare to answer?
I seriously don’t have the guts to do so, that just shows respect and i know i do have respect for all teachers no matter how much i hate them.
(P.S: You know i am talking about a teacher who lecture me in class and i guess you know that i did talk about grammar and vocabulary, I would like to clarify that it isn’t tom dick and harry… so, do not guess)

For most of you who are reading this, I went to doulos last Saturday..
it was intesting and i like it personally..
I get to feel the col air as well…
I guess i was just taking some time out of the KL, busy city…
Although, yeah.. My main purpose wasn’t for books..
Many knows I don’t like books, So, yae…….

My birthday this year was just the normal birthday. but i am just suprised many many people wished me and i had a fun of time replying those sms, msn’s, email, testimonials and so on..
Those people whom i expect to just forget my birthday did wish me as well… It’s just amazing…
I did receive presents form many people and would like to say the same thing ‘Thank You’!
It’s just amazing to have friends like you…

I seldom blog but i will as I am freaking busy with my stuffs as in school work and so on….
Will try to blog as frequent as possible yeah..
Love yea people…