Why must it go back to square one? If you have not heard all about this stupid government matriculation thing, you wouldn’t be so supportive. It has always been a firm decision that after SPM that I will do private colleges but now this seems like just-a-dream. Now after hearing about this matriculation thing, you tell me you have no money. I am so tired of it. Apply all you want.

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Yes, NS list is coming out on Monday. I really don’t freaking care if my name is there. Go if there is, stay if there isn’t. It’s perfectly simple. I mean who wants to go. I don’t really agree that NS can instill patriotism and build good physiques. But it’s not like I have a freaking choice right. It is gonna ruin all my plans but well, looking it at the brighter side, I get to get out of home.

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And I’d say ‘PADAN MUKA’ in your face. Think that you guys are damn great, damn powerful. This is what you get when you are 101% confident- 100% failure. Now the whole KL is laughing at you guys for not making it. It jst proves their point that you guys won by luck. Arrogant fools! I dunno what was meant by 90% winning nationals finals.

I know I am just plain evil and mad now. Very. No mood. And who the hell really cares if trials are on. I don’t!~ =(

I have not blogged some time. Been lazy-ish to log in to blogspot when my computer lags like hell. It annoys me. Trials are basically coming up next week and what I have studied for the past 2 years is not in my brain. I don’t know how I have been seating for exams and test the few months ago but I am finally awake. But there is no point because I have been trying to study and nothing enters my head. Seriously, that feeling sucks. You are trying your best and yet your brain is like rejecting it. Well, I am still fighting the race with much endurance, have not give up just yet. Yes, I am scared but it doesn’t really matters.

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It was my birthday. I have finally turned 17 when the clock strikes 12.

SMSes started to flood my phone at 12 midnight.

People like Su Chen, Lai Shan, Lynette etc etc whom I think stayed up just to wish me Happy Birthday kicked off my day. At 6 in the morning, Grace Chu sent a message all the way from Sarawak. And well, Jono did sms me all the way from Brisbane too in the noon.

With much anticipation, I went to school thinking that it’ll be a good day. Well, it wasn’t that bad either actually. I was suppose to do Morning Duty (MD) in the gate. And it was non-stop people greeting me Happy Birthday; from juniors to friends- Justin, Sarveen, Wan Yu, Thong Leong did greet me. They remembered!- to my amazement. Was giving them a big wide smile; feeling great.

After school at about 1.30, I decided to skip pengesanan for Chemistry- the stupid test.

I rushed home, took a short rest, showered and online-ed a while before going to Times Square. Did i mention the person who SUPPOSED to be celebrating this day with me went for a camp and ditched me? Sigh.. Nevertheless, 2-3 days before, the bro, I meant Ben Leon asked me out. So with no plans in mind, I agreed. So, the place we were suppose to meet each other was in Times Square. On my way to Times Square, he sms-ed and told me he would be late and that I should get the tickets for Simpsons for the 315 movie first. So, I did.

Was walking around, and browsing through some Drama Books in BORDERS. And guess what, the bro of mine only turned up at 340. Well, wanted to merajuk a bit but well, I decided not too. Cause he was feeling really bad already. It wasn’t on purpose, his Maths teacher dragged the extra class on and on. So, when he reached, we rushed right into the cinema. We missed the front part!!!!

Well, after the show, we walked over to Sungai Wang since my bro came out without money and he decided to withdraw some money. Drizzling though. Went back to Times Square since I decided I want to lepak in Time Square instead of Sungai Wang. We then went to his car to throw my bag and he wanted to change. Was taking some time going around the food stalls around Times Square. We ended up having lunch at Mr Ramen. Then he passed me my cake. And well, we talked and walked around there. Manja-ed a lil and all. Then he left me at about 6 something since he said he is worry his dad will kill him or something.

BROOO!~~ I thank you for all the memories you had given me. I really didn’t mind that you were late. I know how bad you felt. You girlfriend did tell me too. And the fact that I know you were close to tears when you noticed how late you were touched me. You did tell me that you do love me although you don’t show it. And I want to tell you that- i know it and same goes here! And it made me feel worst in return to find out that you almost met with an accident while rushing to meet me =(. It makes me feel indeed priviliged and thankful to get you as my brother. I would never want to change any single bit of it.

But what? Lai Shan didn’t manage to join us. How sad la brooooo~~

After he leaving me, I went to Church for rehearsal for ROCK SUNDAY.

And yeah, I am sorry that I had to ditched Mr Justin Lee. I didn’t know that I promised him that I would meet him. I am indeed sorry lor. Since he asked if he can only spend some time with me. I can’t bring you out riteee? ISH!

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ORIENTATION

Eh, come on guys. You want my signature. Don’t come being rude and all. I just hate it. I know I am being mean but so what?

For the girls, don’t come pulling and holding my shirt and sleeves and my hands. The whole school is watching.

And for the guys, watch what you are doing and saying.

I do give free tasks and I do sign, but somehow you guys just annoys me. That is the reason I bombard you guys with many tasks. I don’t freaking care if you have trials and all. Be angry with me, so what? You lose out in the end. I have standard and quality okay? Don’t come to me and give me pieces of paper and say that it is a bookmark. I really mean I would tear in your face. Don’t get me mad. Don’t tell me you want to do this and that. It is not your choice. IT IS MINE.

Some of you, I know are torture you guys like cats and dogs to get my sign. But look at yourself, who you truly are. How respectful you are towards me. Don’t greet me only because you need my signature to pass okay? I really mean it. It is starting to get a lil too much when you guys go despo and crazy. You guys going around to beg and all. It is way over the boundaries.

You think you guys know best. I am often misunderstood lately. Being misunderstood by everyone and anyone around me. Am I that unpredictable or is my words that twist-able?

I really don’t get it.I was just trying to make a point for the benefit of the team. Yes yes yes, I did say that you guys got first place by luck but what? Can you guys just listen to me before digesting the first phrase of what I wanted to tell? What I wanted to convey to you guys is that, YES, YOU HAVE WON YOURSELF A TRIP. What I meant by telling you people that you won by luck was to actually buck up.

I cannot change the results and I won’t want too. It is my school, a team that is representing the school and indirectly representing me. Why would I want to critisize you guys? All I meant was that you guys buck up and prove that you guys didn’t win by luck to others. I wasn’t insulting you guys. But what I meant was that you guys have been chosen to go Langkawi and many are saying that you guys won by luck. You guys should buck up and re-do and re-edit the weaknessed before going to Langkawi and to prove others wrong?

And you guys tell me with pride and arrogance that I was trying to critisize. I want you guys to win Langkawi too. I don’t care what has past. And if I was a bad director last year, I am sorry. Maybe it was totally my fault to that i brought you guys to failure. But at this point, you guys should be open to criticism and try to edit as much before it is too late. I don’t want to see St John’s or the KL team coming back without the Champions trophy.

And stop uttering those F words towards me. I was just telling you guys what other school said. And if you think they are sore losers, some of them didn’t participate. They were just visiting and observing schools. You know it just shows me how matured you guys are, uttering the F word to me just because I said something that you guys didn’t want to hear. And pride- the downfall of all men.

If I was that evil to not let you guys win, I would have not prayed that hard before the results were announced. Seriously, I was praying that He answers my prayers. And yes, my God did answer and it turn you guys into arrogant pigs. Come on people!!!~ WAAAKE UPPP!!

No one wants to see you guys get even a second place in Langkawi. We are in the same school. How uncivilised am i if i told you I am supporting another team? Ask around my friends whether I have ever degraded the drama team. I have never and will never do that. No matter whether I am in or not, it is still my pride.

If I meant to insult you guys, there are many other ways. Just think for yourselves. Last year, more than 40 schools participated and it was held in 3 venues, top 2 enters the final. While this year, more than 20 schools participated and it was held in 2 venues, top 3 enters the final and the winners get a bypass. Just use some of your brain juices and do the math yourself. Stop saying that I was insulting you and all. I can do it in many other ways if I want too. I was just doing for the benefit of the school and team. How much have i protected the name of the drama team in front of my friends and this is that thanks i get.

I don’t need thanks, if you guys don’t insult and curse me, thats already fine with me!

If anyone of you read this, just hope you understand that I was doing it for the good of you guys.

The words i said about being lucky and all were really not from my mouth. It was from a few people.

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San Francisco, an advance birthday i’ll never forget…

And oh, someone treated me Kim Garyyyyy!!!~~~~ wahahaha

This week has been hectic. A week of mix feelings too.

I can say I have not ahd a great week. Just an average one. I have tried in everyway to make myself the happiest person i can ever be, but things pops up. And it is bad things =(

I am no longer pissed with him. I have tried to just put things down and talk. Although in some ways, I am not too happy with what has happened between us, but I am still trying. I know I was pissed with him. Very pissed indeed. But my anger has just slowly fade. Knowing that I still love and care for this bro of mine. I can never describe how important and significant the impact he has given me. I can never leave him in anyway. I am not being selfish here but in a way, i need him- the someone whom I can really trust and give my all too. Someone like him who has never fail to cheer me up. I am still not happy, but yet, I am no longer sad. I think I should just give him all the time he needs at this time as he is facing some major problems too. I don’t want to get into his way. That is being very ridiculous and not understanding of me if i do that.

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Class has been awesome today =) it may be Thursday- the sucky and boring day filled with Chemistry, Biology, History, Maths, BM etc etc. But today rocks. Thong Leong was absent though. But the first 2 Bio period saw me and Soh writing scripts of some ‘dirty’ stories, and with Qi Kit, Hakim and Davis playing with phone, Davis, Hakim had their breakfast in the lab and Chiu actually ponteng Bio class and last but not least, Jun Yang playing his game boy.

During the 3rd and 4th period of Chemistry, things got even worst- we were all busy listening to the teacher and busy making own Chemistry terms and busy interrupting lessons. But the fact that we knew what was happening.

BM teacher wasn’t around. Moral teacher didn’t came in suprisingly. So we had pure fun- all the non Malays. Heh. We actually drew a big picture of Jane Chan and we actually threw shoes and dusters all over her potrait on the white board. We were enojying ourselves and indulging in MP3s and taking photos of ourselves. We camwhore too somehow. And we were dismissed at 1 because Pn Norbani replaced her class during BM period =)

I HAD LOTSA FUN~~~!!!

Let’s get this right: If you are having a bad mood or somehting bad, don’t just freaking come up to me and release your tantrums. I am just a friend of yours. No relation. I am innocent. Just know your own mood and learn to keep it to yourself. I am your no body. I am just a friend of yours. People who are allowed to throw tantrums at me doesn’t do it and you who is just some sort of friend is doing it. What the heck?

Stop giving me all your mood swings. Seriously, if i don’t want to answer your call at that time, it’s just me. Get me right. You don’t have to tell me what I need to do. And if I am seriously, asleep, trust me! Don’t come call me for some emergency things like needing someone elses phone number for the MANY times. I am NOT YOUR DIRECTORY. Don’t come into class telling me that I didn’t answer your phone call(s). I was seriously asleep. What do you want me to answer you? Answer you in my dreams? Don’t force me to reply something I don’t feel like replying okay? When I didn’t reply you means I don’t have that person’s number. Stop showing me all your ugly faces in class in front of me just because of that freaking phone call. It justs ticks me off. Come on, I can’t answer you when I am sleeping right? How am I suppose too?

The fact that you are angry because I didn’t reply was because I was asleep. I would have replied if i was awake. It was already almost 12am. What do you want me to do? Maybe I should put my mobile phone on general mode and let my parents kill me again for using the phone when I am sleeping. They just hate it. I am tired of all your ‘faces’ and ‘moods’ just because I didn’t reply your sms and calls. I know what I am doing. You are just a friend of mine. Who do you think you are? People who ahve the rights to do it, doesnt do it and you… GET REAL!

BLESSINGS OVERFLOWING

Suddenly I felt I am the most blessed person on earth (:

I am so thankful. I have never felt this happy the past few months. I know I have been so pesimistic about things, so negative in my thoughts. But maybe after months of ordeal, things are starting to get back into how it used to be. =) I am glad that things are slowly getting on and moving on well in my life. I know, if I were to compare my life to some people, mine is way way better. I am grateful and contented.

Firstly, MASQUERADE NIGHT is such a memorable night. The night consisted of a worship concert and a party really showed me how the Almighty God works in many many ways. I led worship. It is not about who leads what and who does what, but most importantly, it was great because God was in the picture throughout. God blessed us financially, He blessed us with a good weather, a good PA syster in Shalom Hall and Rooftop. Things were great. Our prayers were never in vain from the beginning to the end of the night. The concert was fantabulous I would say. It was a bomb. Nevertheless, we ran out of food that night because we did not prepare for that many that night. But the good thing is, food wasn’t enough and it was a good sign actually. We ended up running all the way down to grab some other food in Jalan Alor like satays and noodles. The weather on the rooftop was perfect. We were so worried that it would ran after setting up the stage and lights and all but God was in charge from the beginning to the end. Ended up we had fun. An attendance of about 160 turn up.

Secondly, WOW, I guess this is the best suprise I have ever got so far in this year. Who would have ever thought someone who didn’t bother to see me after so many months since last year turn up just to give me a big suprise. I was just shocked. I am out of words to describe that fantastic feeling. =) And so, yeah, the ROCKers actually kinda ditched me for the movie TRANSFORMERS. So, I was alone in the lobby of the church talking to my mum. Heh. And not expecting the coming of my bro, since he said he was lazing at home. It was normal for us to report our stuffs and our location to each other thru phone or sms-es. And suddenly, I saw him walking pass the door (: And the first thing was he saw me there. It was kinda drizzling at that time as well. But he managed to come for MY SAKE! Was just chilling around with him at the lobby and I decided to go out with him instead of going home. Heh. We walked around at Sungai Wang and just kept walking aimlessly actually. And suddenly, we bet on the existance of Chosen Treasure. AND HE LOST THE BET! He was lucky enough, because I was so merciful towards him xD We went to Times Square later and he got tickets to watch Transformers with his girlfriend later at 330pm. Yeah, he ditched me later too =P actually not really lah. I got to go too. I left at 330pm. We had lunch and walked around while waiting for the coming of his ‘baby’, my sis-in-law =P We went to BORDERS after she arrived for a walk and read and that was basically my day with him. His girlfriend completely took over from me =) So, I left them for i have some ‘appointments’ too. =P

Next, some stupid monthly test I have, I got 100. lol. What a joke =P

And there are just so many things that i can thank God for. It is never ending.

After so many months of depression and all, I AM BACK!

I am extraordinary because I really do have an extraordinary GOD =)

Before you even talk and scold others. Reflect on yourself.

Telling people all the things that you ‘think’ others are doing, have you ever thought that you are doing the same either. So, you took a look at me now. And have never looked at your own self. So, I am telling you to even just take a look at yourself in front of the mirror. Just gaze at your own beauty and tell me if you think you are that good and perfect. If you are, congratulations! Whatever. Dun really care at this point ler.

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I am like having some headache, and some bad sore throat. Probably I am just too weak. A concert and party tonight- I can’t wait =P heheheeTill, then.. ciaozzz