As much as I hate this someone, I want this someone to msg me NOW!

I am so frustrated over what this person has done to me for the past 1 year. Not that I am not forgiving but somethings that is done is really hard to take it in. It ain’t easy. And yes, I still care and love like I do.

Sometimes, people just like to take you for granted. They don’t care about how you feel. When you start taking initiative, they give you cold replies. They act like they don’t give you a damn. But when you don’t care, they start to show that they care. And that actually pissess me off.

Some people also only care about you when it benefits them. When you are able to give them everything they want, they won’t mind doing anything for you. Well, some people would also not appreciate you for all that you have done and in return, condemn you.

Some people are just plain selfish. They never care about how people feel. All they know is to piss you off and say sorry. And the sorry means nothing to me. Seriously.

At this point, I wished that someone would changed into a person he/she used to be. It’s hard to take in that after all that I have done, it’s all back to zero. I don’t know how to forgive. It’s not like I don’t want too. It’s tough.

Somehow, it’s frustrating and annoying me. Even children can ask me whether I am alright this morning. Is starting to get freaking obvious on my face that I don’t care anymore and that i am not in good terms. Why show that I am happy when I am not. I know my smiles are fake. My laughters are all made up. The real me has lost his confidence in having such relationships anymore. I am starting to give up. I don’t know what choice I have. But I wished I had a choice? And even the employer asked me if I am alright last few days. Is it that obvious? I wished it wasn’t too.

Forgive me, my dear friends!

**********

Happy 104th Birthday to St John’s Institution, Kuala Lumpur

I have mentioned I miss high school. And I don’t want to waste time bragging about it already.

My alma mater, ST JOHN’S INSTITUTION celebrated it’s 104th birthday on the 18th January 2008. I went back to school and was very pleased being able to meet some ex classmates and teachers. I miss them all. All in all, I miss school and friends.

FRUSTRATED. ANNOYED.

That is all that I am feeling at this point of time.

No point talking about it because I am pissed.

The fact that I wanna post a picture of a nice personalised beaded chained for you guys to see, but I am too lazy to do it. It was by CWMY… =)

That was the nicest Christmas gift I have received so far i suppose. And I love it. I see it everyday yet i dunno where and when to use it. Ehehehehe. Well, there is a necklace I bought for someone too but i am again lazy to post up any of the pictures. Feeling lethargic and moody =(

I am officially working. In a place where many people wanna work there- STARBUCKS! Well, it is cool working there. You see many people in and out tht cafe and you see plenty of people with their own characters and all too. Sometimes, they’d really give you a hard time. Nevertheless, the staff there are pretty cool and yeah, we have fun while we work. Now I know how to make drinks.. Grrr.. lots to memorize actually…Ain’t easy but holding on… =) Well, i don’t want to be getting paid for nothing also. So, I am trying to be a ‘good staff’ =P. Working there means I get privileges. When i work 8 hours a day, I get 3 beverages or more. I get to eat while I work and do sampling and also work around Berjaya Times Square like ordinary people.

Initially, i just wasnt used to the apron and cap, but things are now fine.. =) Got my first pay that day and yeah, spending everything really soon… On someone elses.. Haih… But my second pay is going to come soon anyway.. heeh heeh… =)

Yeah, all in all.. I am having lots of fun.. real fun

To those who are starting college real soon, all the best. I am missing my classmates and her too. And him.. God knows why i have such a loving heart and I am missing everybody.. HAIH..

I know I put aside blogging for some time. Have been extremely busy with so many things and to the point where I am soon going to break down. Those who thinks that I am weak inside, yes you are absolutely right! I hide everything I dislike and tries to please everybody even at the expense of my own feelings. And everytime I reaches home, i never failed to question myself and to sometimes cry over spilt milk and over other peoples’ mistakes.

Being a leader for such a huge event, a 9am-9pm event, ain’t easy especially when it is a youth event. Many aspects have to be taken care of and I admit I am NO superman. A youth event is tough to handle and now I am handling one. Sometimes, in the process, i do feel lonely, I feel discouraged and of course, I feel proud to be given this opportunity to handle such and event but things just don’t goes well ALL THE TIME.

Everytime at night, I throw everything out sometimes to HER and HIM but it doesnt mean they both takes it in ALL THE TIME. Sometimes, they get you even more pissed on the way. Well, I am tired but still holding on to the promises that God will make a way for this.

I just dislike it when you guys come to me for everything even when it is your work. I don’t see a point of doing that. I have delegated everything out and you still come back to me to help this and that. It is sometimes frustrating that you guys cant stand on your feet to do what you are expected to do. Really. I am just frustrated. If everyone comes to me doing the same thing, I would have gone mad or crazy etc etc.. Think about that?

**********

I hate you being demanding. I hate you for being dependent on me. I hate you for throwing ur tantrums at me all the FREAKING time when I don’t agree or do what you want me to do when wht you are supposed to do IS YOUR JOB. I hate it when you threatened me.

I am offended with how you show me your hot temper and kept demanding for things that you have no right to demand to from me. I just dislike it that you are trying to show me faces. I am mean here but I just dislike this ‘NEW’ or ‘TEMPORARY’ you lately.. =(

**********

As for her, still coping…

Things are fine with us. sill loving her like I have always been and she in return.

Learning to give and take is part of the process..

**********

My current plans and jobs?

Working in Starbucks till March, i supposed. Working there is quite fun, seriously. A little tired but things are fine. =)

Wasn’t working yesterday. Went out with BL to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks in TS. Played few rounds of pool before walking around aimlessly like we liked doing all the time. Had fun with him, had lunch with him. Basically 55% od my yesterday was with him.. =)

Thanks bro…

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:

1. YOU (you know who you are)

2. Excellent SPM results =)

3. A great holiday

4. New computer

5. Travel around the world

PERSON WHO TAGG-ED YOU IS:

Chong Wan Yu

YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM/HER :

1. Cute

2. Loyal

3. Kind

4. Friendly

5. Gets bully (sometimes) =P

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE/SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU:

NOTHING MUCH other than tagging me with this?

THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS HE/SHE SAID TO YOU:

Alvin you sing!!! (not sure if it was the exact words) =P

IF HE/SHE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL:

gently say sorry, not available =P

IF HE/SHE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY, THE REASON WILL BE:

can’t think of one at all?

PASS THE QUIZ TO 10 PEOPLE THAT YOU WISH TO KNOW HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU:

1. HER

2. Ong Ben Leon

3. Justin Lee

4. Chuah Su Chen

5. Sarveen

6. Lynnett

7. Leong Lai Shan

8. Chong Wan Yu

9. Yeow Li Jia

10. Wan Ming Wai

WHO IS NO. 7 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?

with a guy on that list too? =P

WHO IS NO. 9 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?

I have got no idea seriously. Li Jia, WHO? =P

IF NO.9 AND NO.1 ARE TOGETHER, WILL IT BE A GOOD THING?

NO WAY! Les? It involves NO 1

WHAT ABOUT NO. 1 AND NO. 5?

NO WAY! It involves NO 1!

WHAT IS NO. 3 STUDYING?

Err.. I assume is A Levels, it could be law. I am not sure..

WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CHATTED WITH NO. 6?

A few days ago? on MSN?

DOES NO. 4 WORK?

I totally doubt that she will work la =P

DOES NO. 8 HAS ANY COUSIN IN HIS/HER OWN SCHOOL?

Don’t think so. Or I should know?

WILL YOU WOO NO. 8?

NO-NO!

HOW ABOUT NO. 5?

Of course NOT. Thts GAY! =S

DOES NO. 2 HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?

Yes, he does! An older brother and an older sister?

HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW ABOUT NO.3?

JONO, i supposed?

AND NO.4?

through a guy?

WHERE DOES NO.1 LIVE AT? Taman ***a*

HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW NO.2?

Long story right, bro? =P *winks*

Through friendster in short..

Been through a lot.

IS NO.5 THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?

Can never be? =PPP

She?

When I saw her smile, i knew what she wanted. It was obvious.

Her words tells me what she feels about what i am doing and what I am going to do.

She amazes me by telling me things that i have not told her.

I know she cares.

She got all her resources from god-knows-where but it was all about me.

It it so nice that sometimes things you are worried to tell her about, she asks about it.

It lightens my load.

The beauty in her shows me how lucky i am to know someone like her.

The love and care from her always tells me that i am loved and cared for all the time.

She is amazingly beautiful.

When I give her gifts, her smiles tells me everything.

Nothing else is as important compared to her smile and beauty.

Her smile brightens up my day all the time no matter how dark and gloomy my day was.

She is there; though i am sick, though i am mad.

She waits patiently eventhough I am pissed and off my phone at times.

She endures and go through my joy and pain with me all the time.

She is ONE that means a lot to me.. =)

**********

He?

He gives me suprises when I least expects it.

He showed me love and care when I needed all both.

He showered me when gifts, presents and meals.

He shows me compassion when no one else does.

He patiently listens to my complains and my uncontented heart.

He tries to give me everything I asks for and fulfill all his promises even when it costs him something.

He still spares that little time for me eventhough he tells everyone he is busy.

He criticizes me with encouraging words at times.

He picks me up when I fall.

When my day is dark and gloomy, his smile and words will comfort me.

When I am in need of someone, the phone rings and it is him.

What else can I ask for with them?

This shows how blessed and how complete my life are…

You can now access my blog via www.alvinmy.blogspot.com. You do not have to enter via www.arvinez.cjb.net because there are various pop ups.

New layout. I don’t know when I will change this layout again but well..

Here is an all-new layout.

**********

SPM is over..

1. …need to work

2. …gonna be legal soon

3. …get to go for holiday

4. …i am off high school.

5. …schooling life is over.

6. …no more school uniforms

7. …no more peter yii’s speech

8. …need to go college and university

9. …no more sitting outside the classroom for undone work

**********

I know this is random. I am blogging for the sake of blogging today.. =P

I am almost done. Another 4 papers. 2 more subjects to go. My brains are more relaxed now.I am left with Moral and Biology. I have not touched Biology for some time but I hope I will make it through with Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I know, I have to give in my all, my best shot as it is my last paper. Among Physcis, Chemistry and Biology, Biology is the hardest to score I suppose based on last years’ school’s results. So, I gotta push myself to more stuffs and memorise facts!

I am waiting for Monday to come, but on the other hand, I am having a bad feeling- i miss my school! I will. I will no longer step into the classroom anymore, eat the rotten canteen food, be scolded by teachers, by having to sit outside the class for not finishing up my work *oppps*, by listening to Peter Yii’s nagging etc etc. I am gonna miss ST JOHN’S INSTITUTION of Kuala Lumpur. A place where I grew up in. For the past 11 years on that hill, I have been through a lot. Many good and bad times happened on the hill itself. All in all, I MISS SCHOOL. Apart from that, I will miss my teachers especially a few of them namely Pn Norra, Pn Norbani, Pn Vijaya and a few of them. I have seen them almost everyday for the past 2 years and I am feeling uneasy.

I don’t want to cry when I leave this Monday but inside me, I will miss my school, my teachers and most importantly, MY CLASSMATES. We’ve been through thick and thin for the past 2 years in the same class. We played trick on teachers, we manipulate the teachers, we ‘pakat’ not to do school work and all that has happened for the past 2 years. It is the most fun years in my schooling life. Those experiences are just fabulous. Now I wish I can be in school more often. Now I wish i did not ponteng so much. I really miss going to school!

Well, from 7 years old till 17 years old now being in that small little hill has entirely change my mind. I have changed to be a more matured person as I grew older and older. I see those small little changes inside me that has changed me for life. I definitly don’t mind coming back to school once in a while to see the school and the teachers. Teachers, please don’t leave!!~

Back to my friends, I hope we can still meet each other as and when possible. Yeah, we will not meet each other with school uniforms anymore but well, I wish we can get together sometime because I really do miss you guys so much! How would life be without you guys? I know I will have a new batch of friends when I am in uni or college but yeah, you guys will never be forgotten.

And to those who have been with me since primary school like Chiu, Justin, Tay, Yap and Harith- things will never change and we will remains best friends forever. Encouraging each other and making fun of each other for the past 11 years. It was not easy to maintain such a long friendship but everything done was definitly worth it! Justin, I still want my angpaus! Tay, I still want oranges! Chiu, i still need those lil favours like reload and all =P Yap, i still want those how are you phone calls. Harith, yeah keep on nudging me on msn! =)

So, 2 more days in school and thats it. Everything in high school is over for me at least all I have to settle with the school is jst my SPM results and forecast and report card! So, St John’s may not have a link with me anymore but it will always have a special place in my heart. Wherever I go, I am still a Johannian.

Once a Johannian, Forever a Johannian!

I know my strength is limited.

I am just an ordinary human.

Nothing special in other’s eyes but someone extraordinary in the LORD’s eyes.

I have been going through a lot. With exams coming up, clearing of clubs and society’s stuffs in the school, prefectorial reports, studies. I know I have limited strenth but I am glad that till this very day, I managed to survived with the LORD’s strength. I somehow feel tired and stress out over so many things at this point of time. But everytime I see the seed I have sow, the things I have done with the LORD’s strength, I get the joy.

At some point of time, I get disappointed. I get mad. I get ridiculous but there are just 2 songs that have been playing in my head for the past few weeks that have spurred me on to do my best and to give my all. And to be more scarificial. Everytime I hear the melody and lyrics of the song ‘TRUST HIS HEART’ and ‘GOD WILL MAKE A WAY’, it reminds me that it is not what I do that matters, it is what He has done in me and He is going to do that matters.

At times, I really hate my books, but relying on Him is a great challenge. I know I am weak. I don’t even dare to imagine what my results will be like but I know God has something great installed for me. Something bigger than I can comprehend. I know I gotta lean on Him, no one else can help me at this point of time- not even myself.

**********

TRUST HIS HEART by Babbie Mason

All things work for our good

though sometimes we can’t see how they could

struggles that break our hearts in two

sometimes blinds us to the truth

Our Father knows what’s best for us

His ways are not our own

So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can’t see Him

Remember you’re never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind

So when you don’t understand

When you don’t see His plan

When you can’t trace His hand

Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan

And He holds our future in His hands

So don’t live as those who have no hope

All our hope is found in Him

We see the present clearly

But He sees the first and the last

And like a tapestry He’s weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

He alone is faithful and true

He alone knows what is best for you

So when you don’t understand

When you don’t see His plan

When you can’t trace His hand trust His heart