when you believed…

On May 25, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

This post is gonna be long. If you care, read on..

Often times, we pray, ask and intercede without believing; without trusting. This time, God proved to me that He is much greater than I see Him as. He is way sovereign and He is way more powerful. Indeed I see tht it doesnt matter what you are praying for, but when you believe in what you are praying for, miracles will happen. Sometimes, in life, we always think that prayer is just a mere conversation. Prayer is just a crapping session so on and so forth. But I have learnt that it is not. I maybe late to realize this but it’s better late than never. You may think that ‘Alvin only realises it now?’. Yeah. I am not that perfect person some seems to see me as. I have my weakness. Now, I believe. Oceans Will Part when I pray for the Oceans to be parted.

It is by experience I am blogging about this. I used to think I can do all the things in the world without anyone’s help. I used to think that I can do it when other’s come etc etc. But no longer now. I have learnt that with Jesus, all things are possible. Initially I thought that handling a camp is easy.. well it is definitly NOT. Getting the campers to register was one of the greatest challenges in this ministry. I see no fruits in what I was doing at the beginning but now, with consistent prayers, the LORD has definitly guided and lead me. I have kinda- officially said I have closed the registration. God has blest me with 81 campers and excluding many others on the list. God has not blest me but blest the camp with such a big number of campers. You’d think KLBC is a big church? Yeah, it is but 81 just for a ROCK Camp (not even Combined Youth Camp) is history! It is just historical. I can’t wait to see the things God has installed for all of the campers. I believe more lives would be saved. More souls will be touched. Trust me, God’s favour it’s on our side.

As per Lynnett’s blog. Yes, Ru En wasn’t present last minute for worship yesterday. But when I just sat down calmly calling upon the name of the Lord, I was certain God was with me during the worship session. Yes, Joseph took over with such a joy. I see joy in the team lately. They are just fabulous and they are doing a great job!

Alvin may have been down for the past month.

Yes, emotionally down. People have been asking about What is happening? Why is it happening?So on and so forth. Definitly something is happening and it is not so convenient to share it here. Ask me if you think you are close enough to me. But in all circumstances, despite the unhappiness, God is in control. Although I myself is controlling tears at times. But I have been fine. Ask me if you have the guts!

The past whole week has been aimless. I have not touched my PDSM assignment due this Thursday. I have not studied for my Maths and Malaysian Studies test respectively. And I am surrendering it all to the LORD. Just being so busy with camp and it’s preparation.

I am really disappointed that certain people can’t come for the camp. Really. It is with most disappointing when you see people that you care and people that love nt going for this camp when you are organising it. Put yourself in my shoes. I am just being honest here. I am sorry but certain disappointments can’t be brush away just like that. It’s part and parcel of life, I’d say.

I am longing to go Hillsong’s Concert. But now I am clueless where I can get the tickets. Seriously. I mean I know where but it seems that it is **** ***. Let’s hope it’s not?

tagged by jia huei, max

On May 25, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Part 1: On the outside
Name: Alvin Kok Eu Leong
Date of Birth: 26th July 2008
Current Status: *you people know i never answers such question*
Hair Colour: Black
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Leo (if i am not mistaken)

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage: as far as the generation before, it is all Chinese
Your Fear: Rats? (Can you believe that?)

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: Anyone messaged or sms-ed me? Hmm..
Bedtime: Have been having a hard time sleeping..
Your most missed memory: The times were things were so easy with …

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. It isnt good for health. Everyone knows.
Single or Group Dates: Single duh.. I miss someone.. :S
Adidas or Nike: Jst because of the shirt I bought was Adidas, Adidas is it!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: neither..

Part 5: Do You…
Smoke: hell NO
Curse: No
Drink : Occasionally. But havent been drinking lately..

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: Hell No~!
Changed who you were to fit in: Do I have to? I don’t think so.. I mean I am loud wherever I am.

Part 8: Age
You’re hoping to be married: 23 and above?

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best eye colour: The heart matters.
Hair colour: The heart definitly matters most to me.

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: Was just thinking.
1 hour ago: I bet I was in dreamland
1 month ago: Busy in college.

Part 11: Finish The Sentences
I love: JESUS! Her.. Him..
I miss : Certain people in my life. You know who you are.
I need: care, love and the lists goes on and on.

Part 12: Tag
You know I am not picky..

List out 5 presents you wish for your upcoming birthday:
1. Her time
2. His care
3. Computer
4. A never-ending supply of Starbucks
5. Peace and Comfort.

*I am sure and certain I have done this tag before. But since it is asked to be done by max and jia huei. Well, I do!

sometimes

On May 22, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your patience
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your care
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your generosity
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your sms replies
Sometimes, certain people just doesnt deserves your attention

Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you say you love
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even you bless them with presents and gifts
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you are asking for a favour
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you wait and sacrifice for them
Sometimes, certain people don’t give a damn even if you do everything for them

I’ve learnt to ignore sms-es. I’ve learnt to live without my phone. I’ve learnt so many things about life. I don’t know why this time, I feel the pain deep within. Thinking about it all night long when he doesnt even give a damn. Why give replies? Why care? Why don’t I just give you cold treatment.

I don’t want the past to repeat itself and I want back my 2 years ago..

thank you

On May 21, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

To the person who doesn’t give a damn in whatever I do:

– Thanks for killing my day before I left for PD and Melaka
– Thanks for being so honest. Your message are always so brainy; and mine always so brainless
– Thanks for giving me tht stupid sms early in the morning
– Thanks for giving me empty promises
– Thanks for your excuses
– Thanks for making me keep thinking during my whole PD and Melaka trip
– Thanks for letting me off my handphone for the whole damn day till the whole world couldn’t locate me.
– Thanks for the hurt and pain
– Most importantly, thanks for spoiling my day and ruining my PD and Melaka trip. You have such great influences in my life. It’d be better I just stop replying you at times although it costs me to miss you like crazy. Really.

Anything that makes you happy goes. I don’t give a sick damn about you now. I am blardy pissed off and annoyed. Don’t think I’d reply you even when I on my phone now.

annoyed.

On May 20, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

alvin is annoyed. more annoyed than anyone else could be at this time.

I hate ignorance. i hate disrespect. i hate liars. i hate selfishness. i hate iresponsible idiots.

at this point of time, being alone, i realizes a lot of thing.

how i wish i had someone to talk to?

tagged

On May 19, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

1. What is the most important thing in your life?

i’d say my friends.

2. Will you consider a sexual relationship before marriage?

I won’t bother considering.

3. Do you smoke?

I do. Second hand smoke? I hate smokers a looot…

4. What is the latest gadget that you own?

Apart from my computer and handphone, nothing else.

5. Who did you mostly text yesterday?

You know. I know. Enough-lah

6. How old are you and are you a virgin?

18. Yeah. I am. Happy?

7. What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?

McDonalds

8. Chocolate, oreos or vanilla?

Chocolates, i’d prefer.

9. Where do you wish to get married?

In a church,located around an island. Under the sunny beach

10. How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?

Permanently? I’ve got no idea!

11. How many kids do you want?

A minimum of 2, a maximum of 3. But I really do love children..

12. Are you in love?

You know. I know

13. Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?

Ah Po Chicken Rice next to church?

14. Name the latest book that you bought?

Please note that Alvink doesnt buy any books to read.

15. What is your full name?

Kok Eu-Leong

16. Do you prefer your mother or father?

Depends. When it comes to love and care, mother more. Financially, father! 😛

17. Do u believe in GOD?

Yes, He has been proving himself faithful to me.

18. Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time?

No one in specific. Seriously.

19. Christina or Britney?

Christina

20. Do you do your laundry?

No. Never. haha

21. The most exciting place you want to go?

Hawaii.. hehehe

22. Hugs or kisses?

I need a lot of HUGS at this point of stressful time

23. Single or Attached?

24. point out 5 things that made the person tagged you associated with you.

We start talking a lot, crapping online. And soon got closer and closer. Somehow, things is how it is right now? Thats all I can say? And I am happy to this point of time with him. Seriously..

I tag..
Anyone.

Max, you wanna do again? Muahaha

disastrous day

On May 14, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

When everything just goes wrong the whole damned day.

You just feel sick and when you want to get into your bed and jst sleep your way through but yet you can’t. Don’t you feel annoyed and pissed? That is exactly how Alvin Kok is feeling for this whole shitty day.

I was just sms telling BL to slap me upside down and he asked me how. I have got no idea. But something could surely be better than this, isn’t it?

Firstly, 2 Assignments due on the same day-today! OSE and Stupid MATHS; which got the whole class pretty annoyed.

Secondly, the stress is getting me crazy about camp dealing with people and my mind is thinking non-stop

Thirdly, I am suddenly broke today.

Forthly, my stupid PDSM lecturer scolded my gang upside down in front of the class.

And the worst thing here was she mentioned everyone’s weakness. When it comes to me, she said, ‘You have a bad attitude and you are loud. I have been keeping it to myself because I see you smart’. How insulting and hurtful can that be? Oh come on, when we shut the hell up, you say we are quiet, when we speak our minds off, we are loud? So what on earth do you think you want from us? Tell me about it. Bad attitude? I’ve been the only few that does her work and listens to her and hands up my work on time. Are you somewhat blind somewhere? Stop making some unnecessary judgement for the sake of releasing your stupid stress on me. How dumb can lecturers be at times? Think people think! And the rest too innocently got her scoldings and accusations which definitly makes us hates her-although we have never hated her.

Fifthly, When I was back, my dad was still sick. Which means more pressure and stress.

Sixth, when I’ve reached home. I just wanted to cool down and get a nap. In less than 15 minutes of my sleep, my sister woke me up for dinner.

How bad can my day ever be? I wonder. I thanked God that I was sms-ing BL mostly the whole of my day. But at the end, I told him I want to be alone. I guess he’ll surely message me tonight and put the smile on my face. But what on earth a day I’ve had. And today the outing day, we went bowling. Nothing much special.

I thank God tht the Lord has been speaking a lot to me lately on reaching for Him and surrendering myself and the ROCK Campers into His hands. He has shown me the need and necessities of surrendering it all to Him. He showed me some clear visions that He would be with me through my weakness and through my tiredness. He has been speaking to me with the song ‘Reaching For You’ by Hillsong. It just tells me that I should never give up and to keep reaching for Him and to stand before Him. I see that I am doing something that will bless His people. All of my days indeed belongs to Him. This is the first event where I really intercede before Him and telling Him how much I want it to be great and awesome. I am sure He will not fail me. He will still do micracles even if the numbers are few. He is great! =)

People, I am still in confused, annoyed, depress, emo, unhappy mode.

I’ll be fine after some time.

God has His purpose and plans for us.

do you even notice?

On May 12, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

I doubt you know how I truly feel inside. Deep down inside.

You say you love, do you really mean it? *Alvin wonders*

The LORD’s strength has been sustaining me through the past 2 weeks.

It has really be rough doing so many things but the LORD has been gracious and merciful.

God is the Strength of My Heart =)

look me in my eyes- changed or changing?

On May 9, 2008 by alvinkok With 0 Comments - Uncategorized

Do you just notice if I have changed? Or am I in the process of changing.

I am back into the story of him.

I have never imagined myself being so cold towards him. Never once gave it a though that I could live without his care and his love and his messages. It once hurt me so much but now, i feel numb. He has changed too. He has been trying to be the best bro he can ever be. But to me, I am so used to his ignorant and all that now I am just clueless. Sometimes I still do hate him so much for doing certain things to me. Sometimes I hate him for being so selfish. Sometimes I hate him for being demanding. I just hate so much I realized and it is going nowhere. I know I shouldn’t be this way when he is trying to ammend this broken relationship between us. But it seems empty on my side. As I am writing this, tears are flowing down. I am trying to give it a try by also being the best to him as I could be but it seems that it is not working. Honestly, I used to hold my phone so tightly to myself because I was waiting for their messages. But no longer now, as one is busy; and the other- even if he messages, i have put it aside. But he is still my bro yesterday and today and he is still dearly in my heart

I have no regrets knowing him and spending so much time with him. Never will I wanna leave him because I still do care. I am just fixing this whole piece of puzzle in my life.

I have had a rough week. Honestly, It can’t be any better. I miss a number of people in my life. I’ve come to realize that the tighter I hold on to things, the more God wants to take it away from me. The more I take things lightly and surrender it to Him, the more I have it.

This week has been so rough that I hardly even have time for myself. I feel such a burden doing certain things that I hate doing. Why is it so rough? You may asked- it’s something only I’ll know.

Oh ya! This was HIS(BL) birthday present.. -was too lazy before this..