look me in my eyes- changed or changing?

Do you just notice if I have changed? Or am I in the process of changing.
I am back into the story of him.
I have never imagined myself being so cold towards him. Never once gave it a though that I could live without his care and his love and his messages. It once hurt me so much but now, i feel numb. He has changed too. He has been trying to be the best bro he can ever be. But to me, I am so used to his ignorant and all that now I am just clueless. Sometimes I still do hate him so much for doing certain things to me. Sometimes I hate him for being so selfish. Sometimes I hate him for being demanding. I just hate so much I realized and it is going nowhere. I know I shouldn’t be this way when he is trying to ammend this broken relationship between us. But it seems empty on my side. As I am writing this, tears are flowing down. I am trying to give it a try by also being the best to him as I could be but it seems that it is not working. Honestly, I used to hold my phone so tightly to myself because I was waiting for their messages. But no longer now, as one is busy; and the other- even if he messages, i have put it aside. But he is still my bro yesterday and today and he is still dearly in my heart :)
I have no regrets knowing him and spending so much time with him. Never will I wanna leave him because I still do care. I am just fixing this whole piece of puzzle in my life.
I have had a rough week. Honestly, It can’t be any better. I miss a number of people in my life. I’ve come to realize that the tighter I hold on to things, the more God wants to take it away from me. The more I take things lightly and surrender it to Him, the more I have it.
This week has been so rough that I hardly even have time for myself. I feel such a burden doing certain things that I hate doing. Why is it so rough? You may asked- it’s something only I’ll know.

Oh ya! This was HIS(BL) birthday present.. :) -was too lazy before this..

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