I hope you read this.
I don’t mean to be ignorant. Neither did I meant to give you that ‘cold’ touch. But I couldn’t help it. My heart is so wounded over that many instances and I wished I could still be who I used to be when with you.
It’s not that I don’t love you anymore. Or it isn’t that I don’t care. But my heart can’t resist the pain thts coming out of it. I still do care. If you think I don’t.
I still want to be who I was to you years ago. And years to come. I’ve developed a phobia of starting a conversation with you now because I am afraid I’d get ignored. I’m afraid that we would start arguing and the list goes on. Yeah, I am scared. This was unknowingly developed.
I now know why I choose to read smses so late at night and just throw my phone on the bed. It’s because I am so afraid. Afraid that we would argue; afraid that you’d not even reply.
I know. It’s sick. But it’s also painful.
As much as I hope you’re feeling the pain; just so you know, I am nowhere any better.
If you think I didn’t want to meet you, I want it so much. But I don’t know what my reaction would be. My heart is so wounded and so low confidence when it comes to you. Now. Only now.
I don’t know. I tried repairing this brokeness. But I can’t seem to do it alone. By myself.
I am trying to put on that smile for you; but I want you to know that it has not been easy for me. To be the way I am.
I still love you like I used to. Cared like I used to. Just that…