Just when you thought life was getting better, it did not. Life is tough. Tougher than I once thought.
Yet after putting in so much to this person; and now this person is leaving me (another one). This time it hits me more because the person is leaving to London for studies. I am yet again torn into two. I am delighted that this person is studying there; yet I am reluctant to let go, after so much that I’ve been through. And making it through together despite our gap in ages, wasn’t easy at first.
But now, it’s part of my life. A norm. To let this person go would mean another part of me crumbles. Well, although promises from this person assured me it would not – because of the return from London every 3 months. And with the advancement of phone and Internet technologies, the assurance made, make me feel better.
London isn’t near. Not any me, can just go anytime. But I choose to hold on. Sometimes I wonder holding on makes me stupid? Or foolish? I can’t see the “wise” side of holding on to such a thing. But my reluctance happens because this person, too; means a lot to me. Probably more than the person could ever think.
Well at least this person comforted me much when we were in our daily conversations that day. The assurance given and made makes me feel all the more better. And knowing that the person would be in better hands in the future; helps me understand – how I should NOT be selfish.
I think it’s a nature that humans are selfish in their own ways; me too – can’t escape the fact that sometimes I think I am selfish. I don’t know when to define myself as selfish, and when not. There has been no clear lines of what selfishness is.
Anyhows, after 2 days of accepting the fact that – this person is gonna go and will return every 3 months. I think this post isn’t as bad as it was intended to be.
The smiles carved on your face will always be stucked into my mind. The love shared will always be cherished by me.
I am convincing myself that London isn’t too far. LOL. I am trying, okay? To look at the brighter side of things. It’s not everyone who gets to study in London especially just for their A-Levels. And SPM has not even ended for this person. I left not many days. But I will hold on. =] Skype will always work. Although MAC hates MSN. Hahaha.
To love or not to love;
To hold on or not to hold on;
I will choose to still love and hold on.
I will choose to apply ‘unconditional love’ – Like some has said, it’s either unconditional love or no love at all. My sister often offers me ‘conditional love’. If I get to play with your handphone (the new one), I’ll sayang you. Many of times I don’t bother because it’s conditional. Told her over and over again but well, kids.
I choose to surrender my path to Him above. The tighter I hold things (people), the more God is taking it away. And probably even further and further. Maybe I should not hold things too tight. But how? I don’t know. I am still trying to figure it out.
This person is one of the person I’ve been praying for salvation. This person and a few others. But I shall let the mighty God tells me how and when or maybe He will speak to them personally.
On the lighter note, I am stucked here at Jalan Jujur, Taman Bakti because of my stupid diarrohea and dizziness and some fever. I am supposed to be in the camp in Jalan Ampang! Not stuck in here. I wished I was there; but physically – I don’t think I can.
I’ve got no idea why I always fall sick at the wrong time. The last time being before my finals. And that was months ago. Don’t tell me I always get sick.
No pictures today. Lazy to scan through my hard disk.
And see, Facebook just tells me this in one of the applications,
Love is either unconditional or it’s no love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say ‘I love you because’, for love has no cause, love comes from God.
It is prolly true. =]