when everything goes strangely dim =(

I know, everyone says: Put a smile on your face!
But I want you all to know I am trying. Why all of you can tell me that and the people involve wouldnt even give a big damn about how I feel?

I’ve never been as pissed off as this time with this person. It really hits me hard – 2 days in a row. I am pissed off, not sulking. Get me right – PISSED OFF.

Nothing can make me this upset. Really.

This morning, the managers and all asked me, ‘Your friend working here when ar?’. I kept silent. Or perhaps, just stare and say ‘Not yet’. I am cheating myself. But what can I do?
I am soon gonna bear this embarrassment. All my blardy fault. I am prepared for this since yesterday but when it hit me hard today, NO – I am not prepared.
Call me egoistic. I am.

I hate it when people fails to prioritise their own stuffs. I mean, come on. If you are my age and older, you should have the little discernment. I know you care for others, how about me? Have you ever cared for what I’d feel and what I’d think? No, never.

Am I that easy to be stepped on and taking for granted?

Sometimes I think I am.

I told myself not to be pissed, but I can’t everytime I think about what had happened and the person involve is not even bothered to apologise and to do something. I am utterly disappointed, upset and pissed off. But if you did apologise and try to talk it out nicely with me – Maybe I will be able to feel better.
But this is not whats happening.
Instead, you make me feel even worst.

I feel stupid. I feel cheated. I feel bad.

Why can’t people think of my feelings for once? Everyone does the same.
And who would care for me when i SPRAINED MY LEG AND HAND working? Who?

I give give and give, with no returns. One day I am gonna run out of my own giving because I don’t receive in any relationships. And yet I get myself to suffer over my own giving because I did it out of love. But people never choose to bother.

I am feeling like hell now. Perhaps, in deep pain.
Sucking it all on myself hurts me emotionally.
My mind is thinking about it the whole time – even when I was busy working.

I feel bad. I am not a good staff when I am in such emotional state working in Starbucks. I get so emotionally-absorbed that I can’t even be bothered to greet the customers. And day dreaming, my worst thing. Standing at the counter and stare at the glass panels when customers was calling me. I am gonna get fired soon.
I won’t but if I was an ordinary staff, I might.

I think and think to find mistakes of my own. Thinking whether I was right to be pissed off.
I can’t find anything wrong with me being upset. It’s not being upset, I AM UPSET!

Why must these shit comes in during this important weekend?

I don’t know how long this is gonna take to heal. But I am certain if the person does not do anything or to at least try talk me out, it is gonna hurt me.

2 issues, 2 days – in a row – it’s all messed up.

Call me emo, I am now.
Like I said, I AM NOT SULKING!

I am a useless brother. ='(

Working life has been all fun if I didn’t need the cash. I want the cash to buy stuffs – for myself and for some people. At times, I wonder am i really that selfish after all? I would have resign if I didn’t need the cash. But I think I need. My wallet is now elft with RM3 bucks after last weekend and I am still willing to forgo lunch and all just for that. But I guess my salary should be out soon.

I can’t wait to fly yet I have people in mind that I know I will constantly miss.
God is fair. He never gives both the good together.
It’s either bitter, but healthy or sweet but unhealthy. He is like this!

Dear God, I pray that everythings gonna be fine. I pray that You will help me go through this in a matured way. Help me and this person not to brush things off but to find a solution. Help me be more understanding. Help me to know what is right and what is not. I can’t get my minds off this things and I pray that You will help me. I am desperate to heal things. I want a great weekend. I am trying to look at things as positively as I could and not just sit here and do nothing altho the person is not doing anything. I care. I bother. ='(

PS: If this site is not updated for the next few days, do stay tune. I need a short break. Meanwhile, click ads or feed my pets – anything you all wish.

One Comment

  1. Reply
    HitoMi^^ April 2, 2009

    take your time and chill out. You are hurt because you care. care too much until you feel so darn upset.

    better still, forgive and forget. and remind yourself dun give in too much edi.

    Cheers^^I miss starbucks Java Chip *love it so Muchie Mooshi*

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