I know. Tell me you all hate hearing this at this point of time. A day after Chinese New Year. But I had this urge to write something down before I rush back to college for my second class.
Life can be so fragile at times. You may be here today. Gone tomorrow. In a glimpse. No one knows what is to happen next. It is so uncertain that things can and will go wrong in life. I may be here today but that does not mean I will be here tomorrow.
Seeing and hearing the deaths of the people around me, at various age- 22, 25, 40plus and all just probably helps me realise that God can take you home anytime anyday. I used to think, ‘I am still young, still got time, still got chance’. But just so you know it, people at young age just passed away just like that we causes unknown.
I may look healthy to you; but who knows whats next? Before I think through about the deaths of the people around me and blogged. I actually had a fear. A fear that something will happen to me later. The foolish me took my laptop out from my bag, my external hard disc and all the valuable sort and kept it in the cupboard. I am afraid that something would really happen later.
But now, it strikes me. Why am I so afraid when I know God is on my side and He has his plans for me. If He takes me home, I know that I have lived a good life. Humanly speaking, everyone agrees with, ‘Us coming to the world crying, leaving the world smiling when people around us is crying’. It talks about the impact the deceased has on the people around.
I don’t know. As I am writing this, I contemplate about so many things. What am I gonna feel if the same thing happens to the people around me. I mean those really close. I had the best shock of my life when someone asked me if my close friend passed away just few months back. Thankfully, it was the wrong person.
Well, life on earth is short. It is just our temporary home. I am trying to get that to sink into me. But I can see it isn’t really working. You won’t believe and wanna know how many nightmares I had when my maternal grandmother passed away few years back. I cried in my sleep. I screamed in my sleep. And I went crazy at that young age although I wasn’t really really really close to her. Just see her once a week probably, or even less.
The week was horrifying. Was crazy. After a week or so, it went off. With all the miserable chanting (Bhuddist funeral), I had more terrifying moments. It just scares me at that point of time. For almost a year or so, I never wanna see what is in the coffin although I attend funerals (rarely).
I don’t know what I am crapping. But I am filled with misery as I wrote this. I know I hate deaths but what can I do? Nothing. Bringing them to know Jesus maybe. But life will always be life. Maybe I should not hold things to tight. The tighter I hold, the worst it gets. Maybe I should let go and let God take the wheel of my life.
I don’t know… Gaaaaaaaahhhhh!~
*God, protect me from all evil thoughts and protect me in wherever I go. May your peace comforts me and your joy feels me for You’re a sovereign God. I love You and adore You. May you protect the people I love and care for too. Help me to surrender myself and let You take control for You see the big picture and I don’t. Help me to understand this life.