I shall no smaller-kan my font size although this remains my random thoughts. Thoughts and feelings that I’ve been going through the past one week. A crazy and nonsensical week, I’d say. Things that I least expect happened, things that I least expect I’d do, I did. I wouldn’t say it is full of sorrows and pain, yet I wouldn’t say it is full of joy and happiness either.
Firstly, my life was apparently safe by God-incidence. I am truly thankful yet I contemplate again. On the day where the LRT clash at 6:30pm, was the day where I was suppose to take the LRT home after my class. It was exactly the time. But by God-incidence, my friend offered to give me a lift home. Or else, I’d be stranded in the LRT or I’d be involve with the incident or maybe, accident. I was thinking when I was in the LRT the next day, what if I was involve? Will I get the attention I’ve always wanted. The attention from some parties? Perhaps, my thought was a yes. But when I thought twice, it was a NO NO. Not gonna risk my life for such an attention. I also contemplated about what if I was inside, would it be interesting? As not many were injured? Would it be an experience? Call me stupid for such thoughts!
Secondly, a very busy week I had. A really really busy week. Perhaps my busy won’t be as busy as the rest of my coursemates because I started slightly few days earlier than they did and completed it way beyond the hand in time. Moral and IT due on the same week, same day is a major killer.
Thirdly, because of my assignments on Friday, what happened on Friday itself got me pretty upset. Maybe not only upset but regretful. Regretful that I was so dependent on another party over my own assignments. I was the first few people to complete it yet, I was the last few to hand in. I hate that miserable feeling. The feeling of fear and uncertainties. The fear of having my marks and certs at stake. It was awful. I was really out of sense and control when I knew all about it. My coursemates can testify my ugly side. Perhaps, it wasn’t the most ugly side of me yet. But I’ve learnt throught it. Learned through such an experiences. I’ve learnt 2 big words: to ‘BELIEVE’ and to ‘TRUST’. To believe in someone isn’t as easy, and trust too. As much as I believe the LORD is real and magnificent, He will be. Trusting Him in times of dire need is important. Not only in our needs, but all the time. And I do believe God is gonna do something great and real this coming ROCK Sunday; putting aside all complains and obstacles. When our favour is on His side, we rule because He rules. People may try to tear you down in many ways, but to believe and trust in Him that He will do great things is important.
Forthly, I am annoyed over the many discouragements I’ve face this week. My busy-ness kept me so busy that it was great for me to put it aside. Ignoring SMS-es, MSN messages was merely what I did. Discouragements over my ministry, my assignment so on and so forth. But I am coping and learning to take it well. And learning to be wise in what I am doing. Putting aside all the heartache and all and to look at the brighter side; because He is in control.
Fifthly, I am leaving for Pangkor Island next week. I am full of excitement and enthusiasm to leave this place where I can put things aside. But well, my assignments I can’t really put aside. Will try to finish it. And finally, I’ve printed my ITB notes. At this point when I am almost finishing my 2nd Semester.
Sixthly, my Resit for my Maths Class Test results is not out. I am so lazy to persue. From lecturer, to admin and now the issue is back to the lecturer. What red tape this is. Rubbish I’d say.
Seventh, I realised that I get easily affected by things. I get easily influenced by things. Just 2 days ago at 4.30pm, I received an sms: ‘I want you to grow up can?’. All I did was to stare at the message for some time. Obviously, this person is someone close to me that I care; thats why this person dares to write such a thing. But I’ve been thinking about that phrase endlessly the past 2 days. Trying so hard to get over it. Am I really that childish? I don’t want to put the blame on you by saying that you are the childish one. But am I? I thought I was matured and okay for my age but this person thinks otherwise. The words uttered pierced right through my heart and sometimes I wonder whether it is true? Telling myself to put things aside. Ignored this particular person on Facebook and SMSes for the past 2 days. I wonder whether care was put into what was said? Did the person ever think about how I’d feel? Or is it just a general sms that I shouldnt bother and just delete? I hate such SMSes.
There are more nonsense and tantrums this week actually. But I am too lethargic to type more. My hands are failing me. My mind and brain too. I shall stop. If you don’t see me, see you after Pangkor!