When things go so wrong. I hide it deep within.
I know it is my whole damn fault to put in within myself.
Why am I always this way? I am not blaming anyone for what I am facing today. Not anyone.
But I hope the ‘some’ people understands me. I really hope in this time of stress and depression, people would understand me. I know I get pissed at the slightest mistake someone does now. Really. I would just throw my tantrums and all. I mean I am not asking for sympathy here but i just hope that you would give me some understanding at this time.
Being physically sick- i don’t care. But being emotionally sick really makes me sick. I hate it obviously. If I have a choice to look at things the brighter side, I would have. But at the moment, senses doesn’t get into me. It ‘s not like I don’t want to. But I am not ready to accept those facts and figures. I know that i have to one day- but not at this point of time. I know I am being so different at this point now. You don’t have to tell me. I know I ignore every single thing from you guys if you guys are not important to me. I admit I only reply certain people like my bros and her and jst some people. So unlike me? Just give me some time. I need it.
I don’t want to talk about what have hurt me this much. But just to let you know that I am sorry if I ever hurt you guys with my words or my actions. i have been harsh and mean. Just let me be for a while- friends. I will try. I know how much the ‘backbone family’ of mine is supporting me. Without you guys, I know I might have been hiding myself at home- tearing.
At this time, I need the love and care-very much. I know how much you all have assure me that i will still be loved no matter what. The assurance kept me calm and silent some times.
My mind hurts everytime i think about this, my heart aches everytime i feel the pain, my fingers are numb when I type blogs. It is just me. I have been taking things too seriously and that is why when things go wrong. I blame myself for everything and anything. Still tearing deep within. The pain trying to succumb. Going mad so soon. Fever is adding more pain into me. Barely surviving but arghhhhhhhhh…~~
Who gives a damn about this rite?
It is my promise that I will not use the words that you don’t want me to use. (: