You are such a hypocrite. Stop telling me that I have high expectations for you. Stop telling me there are so many obligations that you want to put an end to this. You are just giving excuses. It isn’t reasons. All these, are excuses. I admit I have certain expectations to certain people. But I myself know that the expectations on you is not too high. I have given so much grace. I know what you can do and what you cannot do. I have eyes to see, ears to hear and minds to observe.
You should just tell me that you ain’t blardy interested in this whole relationship already. Because I can see it in you. Really. It is so shitty obvious. Stop thinking you are God. Stop threatening me in breaking off a whole relationship with me. You act like you are God- doing anything as you like, as you wish. Stop manipulating things as you like. It doesn’t fcking me that I am not ready to let go, you can do such things. You are just taking me for granted.
Yes, you are older than me by hell 2 years. But your maturity has never been up on par. You are just so gullible, so shaky. You do things according to your winds and fancy. If you think that you are more matured than I am, you won’t behave this way. How many times do I have to repeat myself? Being with you can make me be in cloud nine or be im hell. At the moment, I consider it hell.
You have never been truthful to me. Why must you do all this to me? I am just staring at the keyboard typing this- tears overflowing. I am gonna breakdown so soon. I don’t want this to happen. You might be all so happy this has happen because you can put an end to me and find some other people. All in all, I just hope that you put yourself in my shoes just for a while. Look at what I am thinking.
Many can testify, it is so hard to get me pissed because I always care for others’ feelings. But you, have made me this pissed and upset. You are such a good pretender. You used to be so sensitive to how I feel and how I am. But now you don’t fcking care. Why must you be this way? I always mean what I say.
In addition, I am tired of apologising over something that i have no control over just to save the relationship between us. Why must I be the one saying sorry all the time just to save this whole chaos that you have caused. I was just thinking whether i was right to blame you for all of the above. But after so much thinking, I think i did not made any wrong decisions in blaming you for the cause of it. I mean if i were to apologise for everything, and you do appreciate it, FINE. But you aren’t giving a whole fck about this.
You are plain selfish. Have you ever even think about how I am to feel. Why must you treat me this way? If you are to really ignore me for the rest of my life, I would just be hurt for the rest of my life. Why the hell am I taking things so seriously with you. Why? If I have never taken things so seriously, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. Or maybe I should be like you- be selfish, don’t care, do as I like and I wish, play around. So that I won’t get hurt. You may think it is amusing for me to write such posts about you, but it isn’t fun. My heart is aching.
I have always been trying to keep your good name. But sometimes, I need to deposit some things somewhere. It is so painful to always act as though nothing has happened. And I can’t do it all the time. I have my limits.
My mind is in such a mess now. thanks to me for thinking of how fcking much you have afffected me now. I know you don’t feel the pain. But I am feeling the cut deeply.
If you are gonna blame me for being ridiculous, lets look at this: You were on cloud nine yesterday. So damn happy. You were good enough to send me a msg telling me that you are and will be busy. Fine! I was understanding enough to know that you are out being happy and doing stuffs for someone. I didn’t force you to reply me, did i? Because I knew you were busy and you told me you were busy. I think I have done my part. So, when on earth do you think I am ridiculous?
In a months time, I know my big day is coming. But I don’t have the mood- not even mood for suprises at the moment unless some remedy is done here. Well, it’s only my birthday. So, what? Yeah, I am 17? No one will take any initiative to give me suprises anyway. Everyone is busy in their own way. Especially the hypocrite above. I finally know what some people really mean to me. I think I have once loved and cared for the wrong person. But I am still holding on- because I stil love and care. I know what I truly am in your heart. And it is still painful deep within. If everything above are settled, prolly it is already a birthday gift to me. I don’t expect much. I am contented.
I know I am writing this with great anger within me, with tears overflowing, with much heartache =(