the reality of it!

Many at times, you wondered why things must go this way, and why things must go that way?

You struggle to find answers to your questions; perhaps, I am stuggling too.

I can’t seem to find the answer
(or at least the answer I think would be acceptable and appropriate)

The more you know, the worse you get.
And just so you know, people around you don’t really care. Or do they?
I wished they do!
I’ve always believed and still believe actions speaks louder than words.
But many at times, I experience words speaks louder than actions through people’s words and actions.
But, I chose to endure. I choose to give in.
And it’s always all because of love?

I was disappointed and perhaps, I still am.
I had no idea why, but jealousy came about a little too.
Although after much rationalization, I think I shouldn’t be jealous.
Judging from words, certain actions could have been done but well, it was not done.
Promises made, but not yet fulfilled. (Notice: not yet)
And yet, I endure. I succumb to those pain myself; without giving it out to anyone at all.

Well, it was hard trying to look at things positively. Was very tough.
I wished time could pause for just a while more;
I wished words you utter would reflect love;
I wished more things could have been done.
But, it’s all wishes.
Definitely, at this point – I am not the happiest guy on earth
But can I do something about it now? Hmm..

3 has now been a significant number.
The years, the months, the days – the ups and downs – the tears and laughters – the fight the care.

Recently, I felt it has lost its significance. Or perhaps, I should say -losing
I am trying to gain it back but one hand just wouldn’t clap.
But life goes on… with much endurance and pain in the name of love and care. =)

I’ve always asked if ‘I was good enough?’ but the answer in my mind has never been certain.
Or perhaps, ‘Have I done enough?’
Or… ‘Have I done something wrong?’

Frustrations, hurt, lonely – best words to describe how I feel at this point. Sigh…
Can one hand really clap in this whole thing?
I wished.. I prayed.. Still wishing.. Still praying..
I am not expecting much.
Trying to make effort.
Trying to be okay.
It will be. I believe =)

But nonetheless, it was some joy in me though.
Just little.

Mixed feelings. Urgh.

**********

Looking at the brighter side, I had quite an awesome weekend minus all the things I heard and went through.
ROCK ON SAT officially hits 40 youths; and prayerfully ROCK ON SUN will hit 60 youths too. God has been awesome in ROCK.
You count, People counts!

Farewell dinner with Joseph at Look Out Point with 30 over of them.
Great time, great fellowship.
Another person to miss. Joseph has been an awesome contribution in the ROCK Team.
Will definitely miss him when he’s over to UK for 2 years next week!
He’s a buddy I really cherished.
Someone really helpful.
Will miss all the fun times we had together. Again.

One by one; further and further. Shessh.
Misses Misses Misses..

Sunday was ordinary. My thoughts were running all over. Emotions too.
Well, it was since Saturday evening..
But what can I say? The youths really cheered me up.
Their laughter, their excitement just amazes me!
And I love each of them to bits!

Life goes on and I hope dreams and wishes can turn into reality. Just thats it! (: