I’ve made choices of my own..

I realise Ive made choices of my own that has caused me to get such consequences. I don’t know how to put it into words but it was my own choice. I’ve been very moody today. I suppose the more I stay at home and get my own time, the more moody I am. I tend to think so much more than I am in college. And it’s starting to get sick although it’s just my first off-day in Semester 3. I’ve many more Mondays and Fridays off to go. I completed all that I need to complete, do all I need to do. But shucks, I still have time to be alone. I suppose solitude is meant to be good, but not to this extend now.

I think and think endlessly. I come to all those unhealthy thoughts. Argh. I once thought I’ve successfully let go everything I used to hold on to just few weeks ago. But just today, I realised I’ve not fully let go. Although I think I put pretty much effort in it already.

Going back to my title; I was just reluctant to eat the food on the table for dinner just now. I felt like I just didn’t want to eat those on the table. So, I decided to totally not to eat it. And now I secretly got my aunty to get me food. I was just not in the mood just now. Yes. I decided not to eat. I decided to throw my anger and frust out. I am freaking not in the mood. And now I am still waiting for my aunty and it’s 9pm.

I have been waiting endlessly almost every night. I am stubborn to have not changed. I am still wondering if I have lost someone. I wait (or maybe yearns) for the smses; which I doubt will even come. I am stucked in my emotions- thats what to describe my Monday today.

I just hate such feelings. Very honestly. My mind is now everywhere. My mind is scattered all over the place now. Thinking of this, that, him, or perhaps her and so on and so forth. How many more hours, days and weeks or years I have to endure. I’ve taken in so much. I’ve learnt much the past few months.

I need to get students in on Mondays and Fridays. I don’t want to keep thinking and thinking of things which aren’t beneficial at all. Argh.

Seeing things that is going so well with that person. I prolly wonder why am I so foolish to still even go view his profile and see what he does. Maybe when things are well, you aren’t needed. I don’t know and I have a very extremely bad day today after soo long… And I’ve never expected it to be this way since it was a day off for me.

Mondays and Fridays off till March may soon kill me if I don’t find something to do eh??

And coming to realise, I am shifting from Cheras Indah in less than a month’s time.