Not the same

I realised I am no longer the same Alvin I used to be.
No longer the same person. I used to be more loving and understanding.
But now I think I am more mean and inpatient.
I will go on arguing when I think it’s right.
I no longer care about how others feel about me.
My priorities has also changed.
The people I used to care for I still care but I choose the keep that care within myself and not express it out even if it meant for me to take in everything.
I choose to succumb all the pain and anger within me till sometimes I feel that it is so hard to take it anymore.
I miss those people very much but yet I feel helpless at times.
All i know is that God is by my side carrying me through.
I know I am on a one-way relationship with these people.
They no longer give a big damn on what I do but yet I still do.
What can I do if my messages will be ignored?
What can I do if they choose to show no care and gratitude?
This one-way relationship has been the thing that has been messing with my life.
I know how I feel but yet I get so tired of how I feel.
I fail to express myself because I can’t find someone reliable that I can express it to unlike last time.
The people used to ask and care but now no one does.
I enjoy being a loner only to a certain extent.
It is not fun but I don’t see a choice in it.
God has been good and my faith has frown throughout these times although I pray that the past will still return.
I am filled with negative thoughts and am trying to do away with it.
Sick. Tired. Frust. Is what I feel.
I am sure Life has something more to offer than just all these pain.
Learning to endure.
Praying for the people I still love. Missing them.
I so want to meet them but obstacles lies right in front.
Do I have to go to the extent to peep on these people?
I am not gonna be a stalker, on the other hand.
Argh~ Life has something more to offer.
Am very very sure of it.