Restrictions.

Tell me I am unhappy. I really am. Utterly disappointed over my own results. I may have even put too much hope on myself which I highly doubt so. I just did way beyond my own expectations. Letting your ownself down is somewhat a painful thing. It’s like you caused your own death. Justifiably, I told myself it was APIIT’s great fault that causes me this misery but thinking back, I too was at a wrong?

In short, I got..

• Malaysian Studies -A+
• Personal Dev and Study Methods- B+
• English Language- A+
• Mathematics- F+

It is obviously now you know what caused me to be this unhappy. I first heard when they told me Mathematics does not have final exams. I was more than excited. But now, I failed that module. I am also unhappy over my B+ for my PDSM. I expected an A+. And I did think that I would get that A+ easily.

But you can’t help it but to be furious if you are in my position. I know you may say that I am making excuses but I did thought I would fail Maths and true enough I did.

I am not blaming it that I went to camp. I submitted EC for Maths Test 1 since my old lecturer did not kept his promises in letting me sit for Test 1 after I came back from camp. He left the college and so, my new lecturer told me to submit an EC. Maths Test 1 comprises only 35marks and it is supposedly from Chapter 1-Chapter6. I sat and paid for the EC, sat for a Re-Sit paper with other failing students from other intakes. The Re-Sit paper covered Chapter 1-12 and accumulates a total of 100 marks. See what I am mad about here? I went to see the lecturer after that and yet he told me he can’t do much. I am sure the 100marks pulled me down because I scored 26/30 for both my assignments. So I just needed 20 marks to pass.

When everyone elses marks are divided into 100, mine was over 165. So now? Get me? Eventhough I failed by just 3-5 marks, the fact is I failed. It somehow hits me really hard.

And what is with other lecturers marking my papers apart from my lecturers or tutors. What justice does this brings to me? My COS (ex-PDSM tutor) lecturer was caught by suprised too when she found out that it wasn’t mark by my PDSM Lecturer. Where is this bringing me too? Reasonably, my ITB teacher has been teaching us to write in point form in exams. Other lecturers on Essay form. So who is right? Who is wrong? Am I suppose to know who is marking my paper next and answer to their style? It is so not fixed here.

I know I am student. Students are never right and teachers are always right. Many teachers and lecturers fail to recognise that we are students, humans too. And yet the expect the highest of the highest from us. And when we fail to do their expectations, they complain, they scold and they even punish. Can’t they sometime give us the freedom to voice out our opinions and thoughs which sometimes might bring some benefit to both parties? Why are we often restricted to what we say and what we do in class? And worst still, to polish your shoes, we need to do all kinds of things that you like.

Why always stand so firm and insisting you are right and we are wrong when we are just giving out ideas? I supposed you have to be fair to us. Listen to us. And maybe sometimes you might not think of what we can bring up to you. Many students I’ve heard give up straight away when they hear that they have to approach their teachers or lecturers. The mindset in us is that, ‘They win, we lose. So whatever’. Give us a chance. I understand we may be offensive and rude at times, call us immature. The thing is not about the ‘dfb*d*fbk*dbf’ word that we use, but it is about the context of what we are trying to say. I know sometimes we fail to express ourselves. This is when your patience comes in?

Just for the sake of your egos, we may sometimes even have to suffer for the wrong decisions that you have made. I know you must have a greater ego than we do. Greater standings but sometimes you just fails to understand the point. That is why sometimes I find younger teachers or lecturers are easier to relate too. No offense to the teachers or lecturers but sometimes you fail to see what we think about you, what we think about the matter.

Being younger than you may also brings us benefits. We have less things to worry about unlike you, so somethings that we may have thought may never be what you think. Why God say, ‘Have faith like little children?’. Because little children just trust without asking. They are so innocent. Similarly, trust us sometimes. Give us chance to speak. Give us time to talk. Communication in class is not just 1 way. It is 2 ways. We speak, you listen, You speak, we listen. That would definitely make a class a more enjoyable place isn’t it?

You are teachers and lecturers, we respect you. But we respect you for what you have done for us and how much you have put in for us. Not for your endless fruitless nagging and torturing. I’ve seen good, stern and firm teachers producing excellent students. Sometimes, pushing us harder may cause us to rebel towards you even more. I would personally say, you make us who we are. You make us respect, You also make us rebel. Think twice before lecturing us sometimes? We love you and we do think about you when we reach home with the subject.