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Feelings.

I wished I knew how to control my own feelings. I knew and admit I was wrong to dislike her for my own selfish sake but I just couldn’t control. I finally managed to put the hurt aside and forgive her. I knew in the beginning, things were going to be tough. But I managed to go through it- with a lil pain though. I knew I would be hated, right from the start. For what I did wasn’t right.

At times, I wished I had the self control over the things that I do and I feel. Feelings comes naturally and I sometimes fail to see and do what is right. I wished that feelings were something that I can control easily and not something that controls me easily. For I know when it controls me, it affects the people around me too.

All in all, I was not right to dislike people I know. Not even to discriminate people. I am learning from all the things that has happened lately. I know sometimes it will cause pain to me but I have to learn or else I know things will not be good.

Sometimes, I really hope to know what I am doing. I don’t want to be ‘grey’. But on the other hand, can someone just put him/herself in my shoes and see things the way I see sometimes. I really hope there is such a ‘someone’ who understand and care for me as much as I care for him/her maybe?

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On the other hand, SPM is pretty near. I know. I am trying too no matter how emotional things can get. I have never studied so many hours in a day. Really. Well, there are so many things yet to be covered and I know I am in hot soup.

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I don’t know what I was typing. If it makes no sense, forget about it =S