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My blog. My dear blog. A place where I throw out my everything- my feelings, my thoughts and stuffs. And again, I am gonna just talk about those things are am just so pissed off with. Sometimes, I try not to throw my anger here but it just seems to flow out along the way. I am sorry.

My journey as a Form 5 students is still full with nightmares and miseries. Still wishing things will always be the same as how it used to be. A part of me tells me that a journey must have obstacles and I must learn from it, and the other part of me just wish to give up at times. Really. Is giving up the best solution? I don’t know. But I felt, giving up might be the best but painful solution. I don’t know.

First things first, DRAMA! For those who care about me, DON’T WORRY! I am not taking directorship this year. It is my very own decision that I have made. Being the director of the last year’s drama, it ain’t easy although I have learnt a lot and I have got to know people’s characters and their attitude and learn more about appreciating arts. I guess I should just give this title away to someone else. That doesn’t mean I don’t support the drama team anymore! Whether or not I am in the team, my full support goes to them! They will be the only team I vie for and I know they will live up to the standard.

Starting off, last Wednesday, Pn Gokilavani (my drama teacher apart from Ms Ellina) came to see me in class. She told me that Drama Competition is on March 19th, 2007. I was like: ‘OMG, teacher!’. It is just 2 weeks aways. She told me I have to submit the names latest by Friday. I was like, Okayyy. Aparently, CBN and other surrounding schools have already started their preparation and their all ready for it. Yes, it is kind off unfair. I immediately gave Ms Ellina a call and talked to her about it. I have got no idea if there is something wrong somewhere as how can CBN get the letter earlier than us by weeks? I am surprised. Well, life still goes on, we are rushing out hearts out just to send in the names and the title. It is my last year in high school; I really don’t want to screw it up. It means a lot to me. I know I might sound a little desperate but well, it is a medal and the cert I am looking for. Furthermore, I want to go to Kedah this year for the finals no matter what. It is my wish to be there for drama finals. And all I have is 2 weeks. Serious shit, I only have 2 weeks. And exams is like just around the corner. Sighhh~ wish something could be done! I want drama to be postponed at least till April! Shuckssss.. ~

To that person, you know who you are-
I just don’t get it. A few seconds out of your 24 hours means a lot? Please! Just say it right in front of me that you don’t give it a damn! If you wanna ask that same question, ‘Are you pissed?’, yes I am.. Someone who claims that he will do every single thing and that he will always be there for me. So fake now, when I come to think about it. I am prolly stupid to believe in something like that huh? Have you ever really think about how I feel? How I am? And I am being even stupider to send you a message and not getting any reply. I know my initiative is not appreciated. Since you came back, things were wrong. May be it was because of her. I don’t know. If it was really because of her, I can tell you, you changed a lot. So much. May be you are willing to sacrifice everyone just because of her. I don’t know if it is worth sacrificing everyone because of her. You make you own decision! Anyhow, I guess I would just stop communication with you for the time being, I AM DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU FAIL ME! Just wake up! Enough said. It is just something in my mind that I want to let it out. I hope it doesn’t pissed you off because I still do care and love even I am mad.

And yes, stupid SPM is like 8 months away. I am counting down daily with my classmates. I just can’t wait for the day to finish high school. Seriously, I don’t want to wear my uniform and hold my heavy bags anymore. Give me a break.
Being so stressed up lately. Serious, the homework and work load given can’t be completed. Nothing can be completed within one night. I tried. I pushed myself. I burn the midnight oil but well, just pure shit! Getting those wackings, scoldings, whining, caning are just so normal to me already. I got used to it. I tried but I can’t. Well, I am not the only one. The whole class goes through it together. I am not alone.
Have teachers ever thought themselves? I hardly have the time to study myself. I look for reasons to skip nowadays. I just need some air to breathe. I need a break. The class is like hell to me. It never brought the joy and the fun that it used to bring me.
I WISHED I WAS SITTING FOR SPM TOMORROW!

Communication. It seems that I am having communication breakdowns with some people. I don’t know if it is my fault or if it is theirs or both parties. I don’t know. I am so sick of it at times. Somehow, it is just that I am not concentrating on what people are really saying. My mind thinks and wanders a lot lately. I have got no idea why.

Getting back to Chinese New Year. The mood isn’t there. I don’t feel any CNY mood at all. I am just tagging alone this celebration I guess. It wasn’t like how it used to be- lively and fun. Thanks for those angpaus and gifts. I just appreciate it.

And Valentines Day, all I want to report is that I got a bottle of stars with scrolls of messages, a small flower and a bear, card and some chocolates. You just gotta guess it is from who =p. Anyhow, thanks to that person!

And teacher/teachers/anyone, if you are reading my blog: This is just my view on somethings. I am sorry if I have offended any of you. I really am. I know the way I expressed myself is a bit vulgar, but I didn’t mean to upset anyone.

With love,
Alvin